What the fuck
Hello...two days of happiness. Not even...
What the fuck is wrong with me? why did i chose to fall so hard for a guy that i CANT be with. I cant deal with it. i cant deal with him volunteering himself for fucking EVERYTHING on earth. I respect him...oh god do i respect it, he's such a brave individual...but can i deal with it? no! i can't deal with the fact that he might be sent overseas and the chance is increased tenfold because he VOLUNTEERS himself. his one goal in life is to become a marine officer. He says he never put me second...thats pure bullshit and something i've learned to accept these past 6+ months. But don't ever tell me that i wasn't second, because I know i was. I can't compete with a dream 12 years in the making...nor should i. I just need to leave it. And forget it.
Way for me to bawl my eyes out in front of three people i hardly even know. Way for me to not be able to even fix my own mess. Way for me to be drunk on a sunday night, with my class in 6 hours, and not know what to do with myself. i cant go to sleep i cant do anything except cry. because no matter how much i hat/strongly dislike what you're doing and no matter how much you've hurt me....i still love you so much. and yes i say it directly to you because i know you fucking read this. So go ahead and fufill your life...you deserve it. I don't know what i deserve because i wish i could be with you and i wish i could be happy.......but is it ever gonna happen? not now. not for awhile. maybe not ever.
and that kills me.
i love you.....i never thought the excuse that you love someone but circumstances pull you apart was true. I thought that true love overcame everything. I know when you get off the phone because you're scard of breaking that emotional barrier. I know, because i used to do it too.; Befor ei didn't give a fuck. You know how i feel, what i want, what i can't have. I thought true love overcame everything. I guess i just fucked my theory in the ass. I hate the fact that we might not live happily ever after...that our love can't pull through anything. You saw it, and backed the fuck out. I couldn't do it. I held on. These past six months up until like a day ago--i've held on.
I love you...but it's killing me.
I wish we could be together...but we can't. I don't know if we ever will. and that kills me. Please never forget me, please never think of me with regret because no matter how much my heart is quite literally aching right now and how much i wanna die.....i will never regret being so much in love with you as i am. Never...you once asked me "no regrets"...the answer baby, is none. I won't ever regret anything even though it's tearing me apart. I gotta let this go.
--chlo
What the fuck is wrong with me? why did i chose to fall so hard for a guy that i CANT be with. I cant deal with it. i cant deal with him volunteering himself for fucking EVERYTHING on earth. I respect him...oh god do i respect it, he's such a brave individual...but can i deal with it? no! i can't deal with the fact that he might be sent overseas and the chance is increased tenfold because he VOLUNTEERS himself. his one goal in life is to become a marine officer. He says he never put me second...thats pure bullshit and something i've learned to accept these past 6+ months. But don't ever tell me that i wasn't second, because I know i was. I can't compete with a dream 12 years in the making...nor should i. I just need to leave it. And forget it.
Way for me to bawl my eyes out in front of three people i hardly even know. Way for me to not be able to even fix my own mess. Way for me to be drunk on a sunday night, with my class in 6 hours, and not know what to do with myself. i cant go to sleep i cant do anything except cry. because no matter how much i hat/strongly dislike what you're doing and no matter how much you've hurt me....i still love you so much. and yes i say it directly to you because i know you fucking read this. So go ahead and fufill your life...you deserve it. I don't know what i deserve because i wish i could be with you and i wish i could be happy.......but is it ever gonna happen? not now. not for awhile. maybe not ever.
and that kills me.
i love you.....i never thought the excuse that you love someone but circumstances pull you apart was true. I thought that true love overcame everything. I know when you get off the phone because you're scard of breaking that emotional barrier. I know, because i used to do it too.; Befor ei didn't give a fuck. You know how i feel, what i want, what i can't have. I thought true love overcame everything. I guess i just fucked my theory in the ass. I hate the fact that we might not live happily ever after...that our love can't pull through anything. You saw it, and backed the fuck out. I couldn't do it. I held on. These past six months up until like a day ago--i've held on.
I love you...but it's killing me.
I wish we could be together...but we can't. I don't know if we ever will. and that kills me. Please never forget me, please never think of me with regret because no matter how much my heart is quite literally aching right now and how much i wanna die.....i will never regret being so much in love with you as i am. Never...you once asked me "no regrets"...the answer baby, is none. I won't ever regret anything even though it's tearing me apart. I gotta let this go.
--chlo