My life - simplified
More changes, but these are for the better.
I'm (obviously) no longer with the boyfriend; he's moved out and moved on, and he seems to be doing very well with the new woman and new home. He dogsitted for hubby and I when we went to South Plains. It's good. We're still not talking much, but it's not out of pain; really, it feels more like we're giving ourselves time to adjust.
I've also broken it off with my first submissive, just this past week. We had, for over a month now, really been trying to get to the heart of whatever was wrong, but...never did. He was always angry at me, usually hurt, and often crying. We didn't play; we simply talked and talked and talked about what was wrong. I felt very much like he was asking me to be different, that if I'd just change the way I behaved and dealt with things, we'd be all right. But - I didn't want to change, and especially not in the ways he was asking.
Things came to head last weekend when I tried to ask him if he was even really interested in a relationship with me. That led to him yelling an obscenity at me and storming out of the house, then writing me a long, very nasty, hurtful email outlining all the horrible things he thought I did, apparently because he thought I deserved it, or at least needed to hear it. While the hurt feelings may indeed be valid, and I've certainly had my share of fuck-ups, I don't think I deserved that. He offered to talk to me more about it, but I'd had enough of being told how bad I was. So - I ended it.
This week, he wrote me a letter saying he understood and he thinks this is just an incompatibility. I haven't written back to tell him what I think, because he's got other things going on (a girlfriend visiting, a friend who recently passed away from cancer). This just isn't he right time.
So - the polycule simplifies. Now I have hubby and new boy, and hubby has LD boyfriend and domme. I can draw this on a napkin. :) And I appreciate the simplicity of it in one other way: both hubby and new boy have no problem saying they want to be with me for me. I'm not having to guess if it's the play or the sex or the entertainment value that keeps them with me; I know it's me they love. And that is a huge relief.
I'm (obviously) no longer with the boyfriend; he's moved out and moved on, and he seems to be doing very well with the new woman and new home. He dogsitted for hubby and I when we went to South Plains. It's good. We're still not talking much, but it's not out of pain; really, it feels more like we're giving ourselves time to adjust.
I've also broken it off with my first submissive, just this past week. We had, for over a month now, really been trying to get to the heart of whatever was wrong, but...never did. He was always angry at me, usually hurt, and often crying. We didn't play; we simply talked and talked and talked about what was wrong. I felt very much like he was asking me to be different, that if I'd just change the way I behaved and dealt with things, we'd be all right. But - I didn't want to change, and especially not in the ways he was asking.
Things came to head last weekend when I tried to ask him if he was even really interested in a relationship with me. That led to him yelling an obscenity at me and storming out of the house, then writing me a long, very nasty, hurtful email outlining all the horrible things he thought I did, apparently because he thought I deserved it, or at least needed to hear it. While the hurt feelings may indeed be valid, and I've certainly had my share of fuck-ups, I don't think I deserved that. He offered to talk to me more about it, but I'd had enough of being told how bad I was. So - I ended it.
This week, he wrote me a letter saying he understood and he thinks this is just an incompatibility. I haven't written back to tell him what I think, because he's got other things going on (a girlfriend visiting, a friend who recently passed away from cancer). This just isn't he right time.
So - the polycule simplifies. Now I have hubby and new boy, and hubby has LD boyfriend and domme. I can draw this on a napkin. :) And I appreciate the simplicity of it in one other way: both hubby and new boy have no problem saying they want to be with me for me. I'm not having to guess if it's the play or the sex or the entertainment value that keeps them with me; I know it's me they love. And that is a huge relief.