i am happy

[my_october]

Somewhere in the middle of the past nine hours of band, I realized something- I had been smiling.  My mind somehow fixed itself to that field.  It was like nine hours of yoga, meditation, therapy.  I don't know how it works, but it's a relief to know that this thing is in my life and that it works.  I feel stronger than I did nine hours ago, more capable of not only running a fifteen minute marching show, but handling life.  I couldn't do it this week.  Or the week before.  It's so difficult to explain to someone who does not get to experience what it is to be in the Pride of Arizona, but try to think of something that you are completely passionate about.  That one thing that gives you strength even when people die, things don't the way you want them to, and you're blind-sighted by what you thought you could depend on.  Somehow, that one thing gives you enough confidence and motivation and energy to make you feel like you can do anything.  It really is life.

More on tonight later.  I've got to get to bed so that I can do it all over again.