(no subject)
alright well im sitting here doing nothing and i have 10 minutes i can write in this. Make that 9 the phone just rang... got off my lazy ass to answer it, and no one was there wicked cool. So anyway yesterday sucked huge balls. I don't even know why, like nothing bad really happened? yet at the end of the day i found myself crying for no reason and popping a sleeping pill so i could fall asleep cause i was just way to stressed out. TCI sucks...i hate it, i give it another week. Byron sucks, i don't give him another week. Me and jess made t-shirts to wear for gym and they are soo sexy. It's a picture of mr. reed(our gym teacher) with a heart and his name. We made them in art on t-shirt transfers then ironed it on...i can't wait to put it on first period today. Only problem is i accidently forgot to flip the image before i printed it, so now the MR REED is backwards... oh wellI've been thinking about alot of shit in my past i don't know if anyone will even no what im talking about here but whatever, and things just seemed so much easier then. More simple maybe... like i was safe and never had to worry about any of the things i stress out over now. I miss it, i know theres nothing i can do about it though, thats probably what hurts the most. I hate myself lately, i was doing good for a while but now that i sit back and actually look at my life i hate it, i can't stand the person i am, i can't stand the way i get treated by my family, i can't stand being home, i can't stand being straight, i am just sick of this town and everyone in it, i can't help but feel like i have nothing and i know that's not true but it's the way ive been feeling lately. The person that told me no one can care about me till i actually care about my self was compleatly right, and that scares me because, i really just don't care about myself at this point and truth be told i don't know how to. If i were to walk out my door right now and get hit by a car i honestly don't know if i would mind and thats sad because not to long ago death used to be my biggest fear. I wish i could improve the way my mind works, and the life im living but i can't i've tried to lose weight to make myself happier, but no matter what i still pick myself apart, i tried cleaning my act up, even doing better in school, still nothing makes me feel better about myself, and when i do have a good day the second i come home and have to deal with this house and the people in it my mood just changes from happy to depressed. Im sick.. i don;t know what's wrong with me but i can't look in the mirror without getting depressed. My friends are great and i know they care about me yet i still am paranoid all the time that im being talked about behind my back, or being ditched. I just don't know anymore like i said before if only things could go back to the way they were a year ago. Another thing that reminds me of valentines day, that's going to be so depressing... i know it's just a stupid holiday but i know it's really going to get to me, i think i might just be sick that day and sleep the entire day so i don't have to deal with it. My pink steve madden slippers are all worn out, i won't be getting new ones.
"I WANTED TO TELL YOU I MISS IT, I JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOW"
"I WANTED TO TELL YOU I MISS IT, I JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOW"