LJ Idol: Season 10, Week 15: Patchwork Heart
You're four years old when you experience death for the first time, only nobody really explains it to you. Maybe they do, but your four-year-old mind can't grasp the concept. All you know is at the funeral, you're told "Shelly's sleeping" and when you go to her house a few days later to play with her brother, you're confused as to why Shelly's not there. "She's never coming back," they tell you. And you know things now that you never knew before.
You're six years old when you go to your parents' friends' house. Their son is a few years older than you and you idolize him. You've known him since the day you were born and have vowed to marry him one day. You're playing in the yard with him when he asks you if you'd like to eat a really big wiener. You know a wiener is another name for a hot dog and since you're starving, you say yes. Then you're shown a different kind of wiener. And you know things now that you never knew before.
You struggle with math and science throughout all your years of school leading up to college, graduating high school far below the 50% ranking. You go in for extra tutoring from the teachers when you can, but nothing seems to help. When you get to college, something changes. You're not sure if it's the later class time, if you have a better teacher, or what, but you're understanding the lessons. "Oh, you were diagnosed with learning disabilities when you were seven," your mother tells you over the phone. "We just didn't tell you because they weren't severe." You really wish she had told you that sooner so you'd have been easier on yourself growing up. And you know things now that you never knew before.
You move again and again and again and by the time you start high school, you've given up on trying to make friends. Nobody likes the new girl, especially when she's weird and has bizarre medical issues nobody can see and nobody's ever heard of. But then you're thrown into the dreaded Group Project in English class and find people who want to include you in things that don't involve Group Project stuff. People might actually like you for you. And you know things now that you never knew before.
You dip your toes into the dating game for the first time in college, but you're late to the game and you're shy and that scares the guys away. Those who aren't scared away by your hesitation and inexperience are later scared away by your medical issues and surgical scars. But then someone comes along and brushes all those experiences away and sees you. And while it doesn't always work out, you realize there are some people out there who don't see you as undesirable. And you know things now that you never knew before.
You look back at the life you've lived so far and see how all the bad experiences have torn away pieces of your heart. You look everywhere for those pieces, but they're gone, lost in a wind that blew long ago. But then your mind shifts to all the wonderful experiences you've seen and something changes. Those lost pieces of your heart are forever gone, but the positive things in your life have brought with them patches that can be sewn over the holes. Pretty soon your heart is a patchwork of positive feelings covering the holes left behind by negative ones. You've learned that negative stuff happens, but positive stuff can help mend the hurts caused by the negative.
And you know things now that you never knew before.
You're six years old when you go to your parents' friends' house. Their son is a few years older than you and you idolize him. You've known him since the day you were born and have vowed to marry him one day. You're playing in the yard with him when he asks you if you'd like to eat a really big wiener. You know a wiener is another name for a hot dog and since you're starving, you say yes. Then you're shown a different kind of wiener. And you know things now that you never knew before.
You struggle with math and science throughout all your years of school leading up to college, graduating high school far below the 50% ranking. You go in for extra tutoring from the teachers when you can, but nothing seems to help. When you get to college, something changes. You're not sure if it's the later class time, if you have a better teacher, or what, but you're understanding the lessons. "Oh, you were diagnosed with learning disabilities when you were seven," your mother tells you over the phone. "We just didn't tell you because they weren't severe." You really wish she had told you that sooner so you'd have been easier on yourself growing up. And you know things now that you never knew before.
You move again and again and again and by the time you start high school, you've given up on trying to make friends. Nobody likes the new girl, especially when she's weird and has bizarre medical issues nobody can see and nobody's ever heard of. But then you're thrown into the dreaded Group Project in English class and find people who want to include you in things that don't involve Group Project stuff. People might actually like you for you. And you know things now that you never knew before.
You dip your toes into the dating game for the first time in college, but you're late to the game and you're shy and that scares the guys away. Those who aren't scared away by your hesitation and inexperience are later scared away by your medical issues and surgical scars. But then someone comes along and brushes all those experiences away and sees you. And while it doesn't always work out, you realize there are some people out there who don't see you as undesirable. And you know things now that you never knew before.
You look back at the life you've lived so far and see how all the bad experiences have torn away pieces of your heart. You look everywhere for those pieces, but they're gone, lost in a wind that blew long ago. But then your mind shifts to all the wonderful experiences you've seen and something changes. Those lost pieces of your heart are forever gone, but the positive things in your life have brought with them patches that can be sewn over the holes. Pretty soon your heart is a patchwork of positive feelings covering the holes left behind by negative ones. You've learned that negative stuff happens, but positive stuff can help mend the hurts caused by the negative.
And you know things now that you never knew before.