Waiting for the Sun - 5 - Safe Space
[MASTER POST]
This quiet enclave overlooking the school’s entire collection of books was a refuge to Jasper, who often stole away for some peace during the lunch break instead of sitting and not eating in the cafeteria like he had been ridiculously obliged to do whenever he had attended high school in the past with his siblings. Here in exchange for re-shelving misplaced volumes, he could mull over his favorites afterwards - W.B. Yeats, C.S. Lewis, Leo Tolstoy, Paulo Coelho - or simply lie down on the worn leather couch and lazily inhale the oddly comforting smell of paper and ink of the words that could wait as long he and never age, to be picked up and read anew.
A small ruffle in the atmosphere broke the stillness as the door came ajar and in hurried a blur of blonde hair. The girl paused and peered out the glass panel as if to make sure no one was following her before she breathed a sigh of relief. Jasper froze in place. Was she trying to torture him? Was she trying to be killed? With every step closer to him, he had to resist the urge to sink his teeth into her delicate flesh with all his might. There had been a reason why he had been avoiding her for days.
Regardless, he was mesmerized by her soft, graceful steps through the aisles. She ran one hand over the bumpy spines as she passed like striking the keys of a piano scale. It didn’t seem like she was searching for anything in particular, simply some peace. Jasper watched with bated breath as she slowly, unknowingly, drew near to his hiding place. Suddenly she stopped just there…
------
After being ambushed in the cafeteria by the school’s weekly newscasters demanding an interview from the rare new student like some sort of breaking local story, I managed to break away and found myself drawn towards the library for sanctuary. Row by row, I was called to by the garden of countless intriguing titles that I would never have enough time to read. Wanderlust meant a longing for faraway places, an escape from anything familiar. Instead, I wanted something that finally steadied my soul. I felt a longing to find something that would say everything I’d never been able to put into words; a kindred spirit in a story.
With no one in sight, I ducked behind the unpopular section on historical Port Dixon cartographies and sneakily pulled out my lunch. I took slow bites so the librarian would not suspect anyone had brought food - a prohibited book ruining substance - inside. It felt safe here.
-------
Ever so slowly, Jasper lowered himself to the floor and leaned his back against the trustworthy, dusty bookshelf separating the two of them by mere inches. He closed his eyes and breathed in her aroma which drifted over to him like a gentle perfume. There were so many questions he wanted to ask - such as why she wasn’t scared of him (or at least, he earnestly hoped she wasn’t) - not that he would ever find an answer. All of a sudden, the shrill bell sounded. Jasper heard Aurelia hastily pack her belongings and rush back out. Jasper let out a long drawn, oddly raw sigh. It was going on a week since he had last heard her voice.
The next day at the very start of the lunch hour, Jasper hastened to the library and waited. Soon enough, Aurelia arrived and stole through the maze towards the back. She claimed the same empty corner to eat her meal. Jasper stood there absentmindedly flipping through a text he pretended to read, all the while much too aware of the presence on the other side.
-----
There were still fifteen minutes left to the break. I rose, dusted myself off, and gasped. Through the crevices, on the other side of the worn shelves, I saw a pale brow lowered as if engrossed in a book. The golden eyes flickered up and pierced right through me. After a week without so much as a glimpse of Mr. Hale, I began to wonder whether that very first day had simply been a wonderful illusion.
Before I could dart away, he leaned through a large opening between the stacks of novels and to my surprise, addressed me in a tone of curiosity very different from his once cold demeanor.
“Hello.”
“… Hello.” Somehow, I had the impression that he would be able to hear me even if I whispered. It wouldn’t have been a surprise if he could hear my fluttering heartbeat across the silent, dusty space. In the cramped quarters I realized just how tall he was; my eyes just reached the level of his shoulders.
“What are you doing up here?”
“I figured it was a better spot to hide than the bathroom.” I answered honestly.
“What are you hiding from?”
“I just…” His curious gaze gave me courage despite his straightforward question. “It’s just really hard meeting a bunch of new people at once.”
Mr. Hale nodded. “I can understand that. Transfer students are rare here so everyone tries to be… welcoming.”
I found myself speaking up. “And you?”
“What about me?”
“Why are you here all by yourself?”
“… I like to get away from the noise, have some time alone.”
“Oh, then I’d better--”
Flushing pink, I began to retreat when he uttered, stopping me in my tracks, “Don’t worry, you aren’t bothering me.”
Although there was not quite a smile on his lips, I imagined there was a shadow of empathetic patience. I nodded thankfully.
“By the way,” he added, “If you don’t want to get in trouble for bringing food in here, you’d better eat up here next time.”
“What?”
A mere tilt of his head had me following him up the narrow steps and into a cozy study hole complete with a small teak desk, a sinking sofa and an antique lamp that glowed orange.
“If you’re ever feeling smothered, you’re free to use this space.”
I stared in disbelief. “Really?”
Before he could reply, the buzzer signaled that our time was up. He simply gave a slight, old-fashioned bow at the waist and I left the library with a fluttering in my stomach, anticipating the morrow.
----------
The very next afternoon Jasper arrived extra early. He straightened his clothes and nervously paced the small gallery, hardly daring to hope. Within moments, he heard the door swing ajar and rustling footsteps climb the stairs, and Aurelia appeared before him with a breathless, quiet smile, as if to insist, ‘Here I am.’
Jasper’s chest swelled as he tried to pull the corners of his mouth back down into a straight line. He gestured graciously. “Have a seat.”
And so began a remarkable slow dance. Each day without fail, Aurelia would retreat up to the hollow to relax or do some work while Jasper was never far away, strolling with an open book in hand.
Early on, Aurelia raised a brow as he passed and questioned, “Hemingway? You were reading him yesterday too.”
“Why the skeptical tone?”
“I just heard that his works were… rough.”
Jasper smirked. “He may have been uncouth and far too candid, but I can still admit that he was a brilliant man.”
Aurelia tilted her head, oblivious to the implications of her next comment. “You speak almost as if you knew him once.”
He abruptly cleared his throat. “Well, I suppose when you read someone’s deep thoughts you feel as if you almost do…” Of course, he couldn’t read her thoughts like Edward, or feel her emotions like he should have been able to. That made him all the more curious as to just what each fleeting look from her could possibly mean.
Another time as Aurelia was concentrating on her chemistry when Jasper suddenly appeared, tipping the back of her chair and launching her onto her feet.
“What--?!”
“Shh!” he pressed a finger to his lips. “Go hide over there!”
Without demanding an explanation, she quickly concealed herself in the mythology section just as the librarian marched up to Jasper. The woman began to scold him as if he were just another student.
“We don’t allow food in here! These are precious collectibles, Mr. Hale!”
“I’m sorry, I promise I was being careful.”
“If I find one greasy fingerprint…”
Aurelia tentatively returned when the coast was clear and Jasper turned to her with an unexpected chuckle - a sound both low and easy - that dissipated her uncertainty and naturally brought out her own apologetic beam.
“I got you in trouble… You didn’t get detention, did you?” she tried to joke.
Jasper shook his head and as his easy smile persisted, Aurelia found it even harder to breathe.
“Whenever it’s possible, I’ll take the hit. It’s a man’s duty after all.”
The girl smiled wryly. He was rather old-fashioned… It was refreshing. “Well, thank you.”
Jasper could say now that it had grown easier to be around her, to breathe around her and be still. One day he couldn’t help but peer over Aurelia’s shoulder and ask, “What are all these for?” He was referring to the pile of colorful paper origami accumulating on the table surface.
“One of my father’s inpatients - he’s only six - he wants one thousand paper cranes. You’ve heard that story, right, that it’s for good luck and health?”
“Ah yes, I have.”
“I think I have about fifty so far…”
Without thinking Jasper humbly put down his book and slid into the chair across from her. “Can I help?”
Her surprised brightness was worth his risk. “Would you?”
“It’s just that you’ll have to teach me how.”
The distance between them shrank ever so slightly as the girl leaned forward to demonstrate. Jasper admired the careful delicacy of her slender fingers and followed her instruction attentively. It was only a matter of time - once they had drawn near - which the very air between them began to change like a chemical reaction.
Across this small table formed a simple, familiar silence as their fingers worked. Jasper kept his focus down on the task while Aurelia stole glances to study him more closely. Faint purple bruises underneath his golden eyes suggested that he didn’t get much sleep. Despite his strong, straight features, there was still a supple youthfulness in his cheeks and lips. Oddly enough, an unfamiliar warmth emit from Aurelia’s chest.
Pretty soon, he was easily out-folding the girl like a machine. He chuckled at her slight pout of being surpassed. At the same moment they both reached out for another paper from the stack; as if shocked by static electricity, he drew back his hand immediately to avoid her touch. Color drew to Aurelia’s cheeks in dismay.
In that instant, Jasper felt the velvet curtain fall once more. These moments with Aurelia that he would not admit he looked forward to - they were too risky. For her, each second with a vampire was a danger to her precious young life. As for him, each miniscule memory that he allowed to form was another he would spend playing over and over again - alone - once she was gone.
Jasper fought his protesting heart and muttered, “You know, it’s been over a week since you started coming here, right?”
She heard the shade of distance in his voice and nodded uncertainly.
Swallowing the bitter taste in his throat he continued as indifferently as he could manage, “Maybe it’s about time you gave the others a chance… Get to know them. Make friends.”
-----
My stomach wrenched nauseously. Succinctly, Mr. Hale had put me back in my place. For one whole week I had foolishly forgotten that from where he stood, I was nothing more than a student. We could not be on the same level as friends… or anything beyond that. I had let my hopes far too high.
I ducked my head to hide my shameful flush and addressed him properly. “You’re right, Mr. Hale. I can’t hide forever.”
Like so many other times before I pushed my feelings into a compartment in my heart to be forgotten and composed myself. Mr. Hale’s careful gaze burned as I hastily gathered the delicate paper cranes we had formed on together.
He reached over. “Here, let me help--”
I immediately pulled away just like he had. “It’s okay, I can do it myself.”
------
Twenty four hours passed. Jasper returned and he waited with an irrational hope. Ten minutes passed. Twenty minutes of silence. Seconds that were once meaningless to him now dragged on. Finally he stood and marched straight to the cafeteria. He peered in and spotted her right away in the crowd. Aurelia had listened to his advice. She had been placed in the middle by her curious classmates and was putting on her bravest face. Someone made her laugh.
To allow her to live a normal life, he had to stay away. He hadn't expected it to hurt like this.