(no subject)
sigh...i hate mental breakdown moments and i havent had one in a really long time. i dont even know what exactly. really thats weird but i had no reason. sometimes things just get piled up and ya get to the point if one more thing doesnt go right it will all come crashin down. and my world falls apart for a moment of time, usually the wrong moment none the less. as stupid as it sounds, ya know but its ok cause i get to the point where i tell myself this is stupid and that instead of complainin about it inside my head. do somethin about it. so i did, and i think i will be ok again. and there must be a way of preventing these from happening i just have to find it again. and wow i sound really dumb and im glad that no one actually reads these very often haha. so i think i will just continue cause it feels kinda good just to talk even if its to myself. money stresses me out. it never used to. until one day for some stupid reason i finally realized that money rules the world. and it plays a large role in college also. i have found what i want but there is no way in hell i can get it. due to money mostly and it being an away college, yeah parental units arent too excited about that, which makes it hard on me cause i want it but at the same time i like to please daddy, and listen to him and he sees my point of view and says that its ok and its my choice and i know that and i will choose for myself, but, too many to explain...i think i have lost my creativity. i used to carry so much of it and used it all the time but im not really sure where that went. i just stopped all of a sudden. and i think that has been a part of all of this. i need to do somethin that i know im good at and no one else is. thats dumb yes but its kinda true. creating somethin that i know no one else can do exactly the same makes me feel better and able to do more, i need to go back to that. and i need to find new things. i think that i think too much. haha yep its true.