(no subject)
sometimes i really dont think i can handle things that i should. everything happens at once and its a horrible feeling. but i would rather deal with everything at once then have it all be one at a time. so the things that are bothering me...yeah there are a lot. first off aunt paulas dog got hit by a car. candy was my favorite lil dog. she would sit there at my feet when i babysat and she would jump into my lap the moment that i came into the house. that dog loved me. really. when the whole family was over the only person she would come to was me. and i babysat her when aunt paula was out of town. she slept in my room. she was my compfort when there doesnt seem to be anymore left in this world. and now i cant talk or see any of those kids without crying. so i dont know if i can handle going to her cottage this weekend. nobody will ever understand my love for that dog. nobody. next being a senior in highshcool is frustrating. senior pictures turnin in things applications retaking acts cause i suck and then having to poor money out like its nothin. what the hell why does everything have to cost money. really. jeez. and gas. why the hell does gas have to be so much when i dont have any money. and worse than that my mom wants to take my car. why cause hers costs too much to fill up and that thing eats gas like its nothing. so she wants my car even tho she hates it. sometimes i really think that my mohter is crazy i do. but then i remember that im her daughter. ha. and then there is cady. she is just one frusterating person. and i cant believe that she was once my best friend. she is has done so much this summer thats not even cool. its just stupid and frusterating and shes a bitch. shes acts just like well we wont go there. but she lets other ppl influence her. not like a lil cause everyone does that but she lets them influence all of her. and i cant figure out why she secretly hates me but acts like everything is fine to my face. i hate it. and i hate that shes like glued to katie and andrea. those two are a whole nother story but what doesnt get is that those two have their own life. yeah they are friends and we all are. blah. but what im secretly jealous of is that she has invited them to go to the cottage and out and do stuff that she used to do with me. best friend stuff. and i dont have that anymore. and i have to deal with it. those three are the only seniors that i am actually close to thats sad. it is. i have lots of senior friends but they are the three that i talk to on a regular basis. but ya know what. i just shouldnt have any close friends anyhoo. i mess it up too much. i get close we talk everythings fine. and then i do somethin and they hate me. im just mean like that. the only person i should be close with is sam. we talk. about nothin. we can say anything to each other. and its nothing. im not afraid to talk to her at all. but shes not my best friend. why dont ppl get that. shes just not. well she is. cause shes the one thats always there. but its kinda like a sis. you have fun. you talk. but you want a different friend at times. i love her i do. but shes busy and she has her own best friend. and shes not in highschool anymore. and i wish i was her. i odnt like high school drama. its annoying but its part of life so i might as well deal with it i suppose. lol. so question. is it weird that nothin really fazes me being happy. like ppl get really mad at me. im angry and confused and whatever else. yeah i feel other things. but then i just go, ok whatever bitches and go back to being happy and laughing it off. thats cruel dont ya think. i feel but whatever else i feel doesnt take over completely...ya know what im saying probably not but anyhoo. ya know what else. i wish that some ppl would just except the fact that they are loved. the end. they are beautiful amazing ppl. and ppl see that in them but they dont see it in themselves. its a hard thing. but its damn true. i think i might have run out of things to say. for now anyhoo.