I hope I don't sound suicidal..
I want to be content. I havn't thought about it yet, but am currently.
I have not been content in life in a while. I've been content in aspects or for brief sessions.
Like, there is one aspect of my live I've been SO conctent with that it's over whelming and it gets to me sometimes, like last night, in a good way.
It was just a very overwhelming(sp?) feeling mixed with a very emo mood. And you know, the two mixed together. But, I'm very content with Katie.
I love her lots.
Everything else sucks. Not much good to say. It's becoming a rather down time in my life.
I guess it was due though, I mean, Over all I've been on an up slop this year.
I've had alot of girlfriends that all broke up with me so theres been a little "heart-ache" if you want to call it that. But I've done well.
I've progressed passed my days of low self-esteem and picked up some much better girls, granted, they were fooling me.
But whatever thats highschool, you don't know the real person until they want you to, and more then often, you don't like the real person.
And I've been living life (a little too early probably).
I mean, I look back now and I havn't really been concentrating on my grades at all this year.
I've a changing person, teenager(highschooler) if you will.
I mean, we have no idea who are for most of our highschool careers and I'm the prime candiate for that, I've gone through SOOO many changes.
Every year I look different, and every month I act different almost.
And this year has been my most drastic, but I just took the time this year to live my life, and figure out once and for all who the hell I am.
And I did that, I'm still figuring it out, and I'm really pleased with the way I turned out.
I've gone through ALOT of changes in my life(as previously stated in the afore mentioned) and I am able to look back at each one of those, and use them.
But in that process I've done a fairly decent job of fucking myself over.
But I've also done a fairly decent job of finding the perfect girl, and finding the perfect friends/family. Along with my perfect hobby.
But should that be reason enough for failing? Personally I think it's the smartest decision to make. Those things^^ are important to me.
Not a diploma, not grades, not graduating. Happiness, being content, living the life I was given, discovering whats been provided for me on this earth.
It makes me LONG for the old days.
The kind you see in the movies. You know, like old westerns or even old 50's movies.
Where you don't have to go to school, you know you're destined to work in the mine/feild whatever they did, it sure as hell wasn't schooling they needed.
Or the classic 50's movies, where if you failed out, or got kicked out of highschool or whatever, your dad was there, and always had a job for you at his work.
I guess I'm looking for an easy way out(because I'm appearently incredibly lazy since alot of people have been telling me that lately....).
But what I'm really after is just happiness, and I've lived long enough to know that it doesn't lie in books, or chalkboards, or a math equation.
It rests in my hands, in my eyes, in my body, it rests in my friends, it rests in my lovely girlfriend Katie, it's in the cars I worship/want so badly--
to work on.
The only way for me to be happy is to not have the pressure of meeting strict requirments for projects, protfolios notes, tests, quizes, and what have you.
It will take getting out of school pass or fail, and getting my hands on some sort of car to fix up.
Appearently god wanted me to fail. So.....thats his plan? Then shouldn't I let the plan unfold. Thats the way Mike tells it.
::shrugs:: thats why I don't totally belive in religion. I can't comprehind(sp?) it. I also don't have alot of faith.
At least, not enough to follow christianity. So eff it. We'll see what happens I guess. Hopefully I'll still be alive to figure everything out.
Love,
Logan
I have not been content in life in a while. I've been content in aspects or for brief sessions.
Like, there is one aspect of my live I've been SO conctent with that it's over whelming and it gets to me sometimes, like last night, in a good way.
It was just a very overwhelming(sp?) feeling mixed with a very emo mood. And you know, the two mixed together. But, I'm very content with Katie.
I love her lots.
Everything else sucks. Not much good to say. It's becoming a rather down time in my life.
I guess it was due though, I mean, Over all I've been on an up slop this year.
I've had alot of girlfriends that all broke up with me so theres been a little "heart-ache" if you want to call it that. But I've done well.
I've progressed passed my days of low self-esteem and picked up some much better girls, granted, they were fooling me.
But whatever thats highschool, you don't know the real person until they want you to, and more then often, you don't like the real person.
And I've been living life (a little too early probably).
I mean, I look back now and I havn't really been concentrating on my grades at all this year.
I've a changing person, teenager(highschooler) if you will.
I mean, we have no idea who are for most of our highschool careers and I'm the prime candiate for that, I've gone through SOOO many changes.
Every year I look different, and every month I act different almost.
And this year has been my most drastic, but I just took the time this year to live my life, and figure out once and for all who the hell I am.
And I did that, I'm still figuring it out, and I'm really pleased with the way I turned out.
I've gone through ALOT of changes in my life(as previously stated in the afore mentioned) and I am able to look back at each one of those, and use them.
But in that process I've done a fairly decent job of fucking myself over.
But I've also done a fairly decent job of finding the perfect girl, and finding the perfect friends/family. Along with my perfect hobby.
But should that be reason enough for failing? Personally I think it's the smartest decision to make. Those things^^ are important to me.
Not a diploma, not grades, not graduating. Happiness, being content, living the life I was given, discovering whats been provided for me on this earth.
It makes me LONG for the old days.
The kind you see in the movies. You know, like old westerns or even old 50's movies.
Where you don't have to go to school, you know you're destined to work in the mine/feild whatever they did, it sure as hell wasn't schooling they needed.
Or the classic 50's movies, where if you failed out, or got kicked out of highschool or whatever, your dad was there, and always had a job for you at his work.
I guess I'm looking for an easy way out(because I'm appearently incredibly lazy since alot of people have been telling me that lately....).
But what I'm really after is just happiness, and I've lived long enough to know that it doesn't lie in books, or chalkboards, or a math equation.
It rests in my hands, in my eyes, in my body, it rests in my friends, it rests in my lovely girlfriend Katie, it's in the cars I worship/want so badly--
to work on.
The only way for me to be happy is to not have the pressure of meeting strict requirments for projects, protfolios notes, tests, quizes, and what have you.
It will take getting out of school pass or fail, and getting my hands on some sort of car to fix up.
Appearently god wanted me to fail. So.....thats his plan? Then shouldn't I let the plan unfold. Thats the way Mike tells it.
::shrugs:: thats why I don't totally belive in religion. I can't comprehind(sp?) it. I also don't have alot of faith.
At least, not enough to follow christianity. So eff it. We'll see what happens I guess. Hopefully I'll still be alive to figure everything out.
Love,
Logan