that was just a lie
things are going well. i am getting more work. my living situation is adequate.
i am a pretty intelligent person, however i can be kind of slow on the uptake. slow realisation seems to be my habit, as my human sensibilities begin to assert themselves over the emotional throes of my ego.
you know that feeling when you suddenly see something for what it is, and its like you were living in an alternate reality? its kind of like all the walls on your house just falling down and you find yourself instead in a larger house. maybe the house where plato's chair is.
anyway, it is kind of devastating and liberating all at once.
but this time i have this strange feeling like.... i want to get revenge.
usually i am pretty ok when people screw me over. i use the basic human rationale of karma to modify my behaviour, allowing for human error and the organic nature of social interaction.
but sometimes people just really need to be taught a lesson.
i wonder if anyone has ever been successful at this.
most people, when i tell them, would probably roll their eyes and say 'you know that will get you nowhere... blah blah blah.'
i really don't need to hear puny human morality in the face of my utter humiliation and complete lack of dignity.
i probably won't end up doing anything except move on and try to be happy, because i know the reasonable voice in my head is saying that is the best most delicious revenge -- hopefully, somewhere in there will be a tall gallic warrior who will just fuck me and fuck me -- but i like to daydream about all of the horrible things i could do in order to share, even in part, how fully my face burns.
i need a nail clipper. i have talons suitable for the grasping of beady little eyes... but i think i should be more subtle. and its just starting to look tragic. and i'm having a hard time getting my facial moisturiser from the tub without getting it all under my nails.
things are well, minus the dark insatiable torrent of rage.
a couple days ago i found the perfect spot for yoga on the beach.
:)
i am a pretty intelligent person, however i can be kind of slow on the uptake. slow realisation seems to be my habit, as my human sensibilities begin to assert themselves over the emotional throes of my ego.
you know that feeling when you suddenly see something for what it is, and its like you were living in an alternate reality? its kind of like all the walls on your house just falling down and you find yourself instead in a larger house. maybe the house where plato's chair is.
anyway, it is kind of devastating and liberating all at once.
but this time i have this strange feeling like.... i want to get revenge.
usually i am pretty ok when people screw me over. i use the basic human rationale of karma to modify my behaviour, allowing for human error and the organic nature of social interaction.
but sometimes people just really need to be taught a lesson.
i wonder if anyone has ever been successful at this.
most people, when i tell them, would probably roll their eyes and say 'you know that will get you nowhere... blah blah blah.'
i really don't need to hear puny human morality in the face of my utter humiliation and complete lack of dignity.
i probably won't end up doing anything except move on and try to be happy, because i know the reasonable voice in my head is saying that is the best most delicious revenge -- hopefully, somewhere in there will be a tall gallic warrior who will just fuck me and fuck me -- but i like to daydream about all of the horrible things i could do in order to share, even in part, how fully my face burns.
i need a nail clipper. i have talons suitable for the grasping of beady little eyes... but i think i should be more subtle. and its just starting to look tragic. and i'm having a hard time getting my facial moisturiser from the tub without getting it all under my nails.
things are well, minus the dark insatiable torrent of rage.
a couple days ago i found the perfect spot for yoga on the beach.
:)