(no subject)
today is APRIL 1, 2005 --> so happy fools day
lets see today has been okay..i found out today i passed my math quizz with an 84 :] !! YAY goo me, considering i have like failed almost every quizz, im pretty happy. my bio teacher was absent, and now my comp. teacher is absent. his financee had to have surgery, so thats why he wasnt here yesterday and thats why hes not here today.
so yea umm im not really running in track anymore-- my kneee hurts really bad/ankle hurt really bad too, i just dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to think i am a baby or something. So now im throwing. i have always wanted to try throwing. and i REALLY like it- i might not be as good as other people since i just started. but i like to throw and im having fun and thats all that matters to me :]
well yes- so im still on my search for happiness, i think it will be a while till i find it :[ . but oo well, im starting to get happier, but people just keep on bringing me down, and the worst part is, its the people that are suppose to love me, and want whats best for me, but all they want is whats best for themselves and what they want for me, so thats not really helping the situtation. but oh well i guess i just have to deal with it.
and everything in my life is starting to go downhill, and i dont know how to fix it!! First im doing pretty horrible in french and im gettin alittle better in math; but still not as goo as i think i can do. I have no self-confidence, and I HAVE NO FAITH IN MYSELF. i just think im the ugliest, worthlest, and stupidiest person. It also sucks that i have no friends that i can really talk to. I know that something stupid to say, since i do have freinds. BUt i dont have that one person or a few people, who i can talk to about EVERYTHING. i mean the person i did had as moved. It is just not the same anymore- i mean she is still my BEST FREIND and all, she gets most of the things im going through. BUT I WISH I COULD FIND SOMEONE HERE IN CLIFTON that i can talk to, and will understand me. i just simply dont have a best friend which might be part of the whole problem, but oh ive been doing fine since august when i lost my bestest friend, someone i could count on, and it stil hurst but im doing okay now, i relized i dont really need that person, but secretly i do but i dont think i could ever tell the person that because the person will just laugh in my face. Because from what i understand, the person didnt want to be my friend for a reason that i cannot do anything about, and if the person doesnt like the fact, that i can never be what the person, wants to be, or be like everyone else. then its not my fault.Im just not like everyone else. which is a bad thing but also a good thing. i wish my mom would just listen to me, and let me move- but thats never going to happen. and im still getting over schenley moving. i mean we only met last year- but she was the one person that would listen to all my bullshit, and didnt care or get embarrased if i did something extremley stupid. because thats who i am. im an embarrasement to everyone but o well, i like saying stupid shit, and doing stupid things. I LOVE TO HAVE AN ADVENTURE, AND I LOVE THAT I DONT REALLY CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME. which people have to admit is true- since i dont wear, the prettiest cloths, and when i come to school it looks like i just rolled out of bed. but u know what thats who i am, I WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME FOR ME, NOT FOR HOW PRETTY I AM OR BECAUSE I WEAR THE SAME CLOTHS. but whatever everyone these days pre-judge people by how they dress, or speak, or look. but u know what i wont do that anymore, im going to give people chances.
i know noone reads this and this is such a LONG entry but i guess i had to get that off my chest, even if noones reads it, and the person i want to tell this all too will never see it. I dont care, as long as i dont have to hold it inside any longer, cuz it was killing me but i guess thats stupid to say.
o well im going to go -- bye
lets see today has been okay..i found out today i passed my math quizz with an 84 :] !! YAY goo me, considering i have like failed almost every quizz, im pretty happy. my bio teacher was absent, and now my comp. teacher is absent. his financee had to have surgery, so thats why he wasnt here yesterday and thats why hes not here today.
so yea umm im not really running in track anymore-- my kneee hurts really bad/ankle hurt really bad too, i just dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to think i am a baby or something. So now im throwing. i have always wanted to try throwing. and i REALLY like it- i might not be as good as other people since i just started. but i like to throw and im having fun and thats all that matters to me :]
well yes- so im still on my search for happiness, i think it will be a while till i find it :[ . but oo well, im starting to get happier, but people just keep on bringing me down, and the worst part is, its the people that are suppose to love me, and want whats best for me, but all they want is whats best for themselves and what they want for me, so thats not really helping the situtation. but oh well i guess i just have to deal with it.
and everything in my life is starting to go downhill, and i dont know how to fix it!! First im doing pretty horrible in french and im gettin alittle better in math; but still not as goo as i think i can do. I have no self-confidence, and I HAVE NO FAITH IN MYSELF. i just think im the ugliest, worthlest, and stupidiest person. It also sucks that i have no friends that i can really talk to. I know that something stupid to say, since i do have freinds. BUt i dont have that one person or a few people, who i can talk to about EVERYTHING. i mean the person i did had as moved. It is just not the same anymore- i mean she is still my BEST FREIND and all, she gets most of the things im going through. BUT I WISH I COULD FIND SOMEONE HERE IN CLIFTON that i can talk to, and will understand me. i just simply dont have a best friend which might be part of the whole problem, but oh ive been doing fine since august when i lost my bestest friend, someone i could count on, and it stil hurst but im doing okay now, i relized i dont really need that person, but secretly i do but i dont think i could ever tell the person that because the person will just laugh in my face. Because from what i understand, the person didnt want to be my friend for a reason that i cannot do anything about, and if the person doesnt like the fact, that i can never be what the person, wants to be, or be like everyone else. then its not my fault.Im just not like everyone else. which is a bad thing but also a good thing. i wish my mom would just listen to me, and let me move- but thats never going to happen. and im still getting over schenley moving. i mean we only met last year- but she was the one person that would listen to all my bullshit, and didnt care or get embarrased if i did something extremley stupid. because thats who i am. im an embarrasement to everyone but o well, i like saying stupid shit, and doing stupid things. I LOVE TO HAVE AN ADVENTURE, AND I LOVE THAT I DONT REALLY CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME. which people have to admit is true- since i dont wear, the prettiest cloths, and when i come to school it looks like i just rolled out of bed. but u know what thats who i am, I WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME FOR ME, NOT FOR HOW PRETTY I AM OR BECAUSE I WEAR THE SAME CLOTHS. but whatever everyone these days pre-judge people by how they dress, or speak, or look. but u know what i wont do that anymore, im going to give people chances.
i know noone reads this and this is such a LONG entry but i guess i had to get that off my chest, even if noones reads it, and the person i want to tell this all too will never see it. I dont care, as long as i dont have to hold it inside any longer, cuz it was killing me but i guess thats stupid to say.
o well im going to go -- bye