I'll let you lick the lollipop
ok i havent updated in awhile so I'd better catch up!
Thursday, February 17th
hmm unfortunately i dont remember a lot. well i dont remember anything from school but after school i had soccer practice. Kelly didnt know that we were at Mt Zion instead so he drove all the way out to Grace Bretheren but eventually he got there, thank God, he's the only real friend of mine on that team. hmm i guess thats all for thursday. i guess i'll post a daily stupidity for each day.
Daily Stupidity:
Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Reports) and from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:
A gross ignoramus = 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
A room temperature IQ.
Bright as Alaska in December.
Donated his body to science before he was done using it.
Fell out of the family tree.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
He's so dense, light bends around him.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
One neuron short of a synapse.
One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
Takes him 10 hours to watch 60 minutes.
This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
Friday, February 18th
today was the day everyone changed their parking spot. anthony of course didnt get one so what he did was just drive to heathers before school since she lives like 5 mins past chopticon. but what did that mean for me? that meant he dropped me off at chopticon at 7:30. man was i pissed. i didnt say anything to him but when i got home i told my parents a lot of stuff. we always leave a little earlier for anthony to sit and talk with heather. it didnt bother me that much until he started yelling at me saying we were gonna be late when really, we werent it just meant he didnt get to talk to heather for 20 mins. so my dad would start saying to me in the morning im gonna make anthony late because im taking too long. so this really got to me and now anthony loses a parking spot and i dont want to ride the bus. so i told them all about how thats the only reason he leaves at the time he does. and since he had me so pissed off i started becoming a tattle tale. i kinda regret it now but i was really mad then. i was like and i know how anthony's gonna get into his first accident. its gonna be the cell phone. he doesnt actually talk on it but he looks at it for a long time (im assuming hes reading a text) so i know thats how he's gonna get into an accident, especially since he does it in the worst places. and that really mad my parents mad at him. so i started getting happy cuz hes finally getting what he deserved. he was saying for me to just ride the bus but my parents didnt like that idea since my bus is so dangerous. i like the bus driver but since someones already brought a knife on the bus its only a matter of time till someone brings a gun on. so i cant ride my bus often. well after that Kelly called and was like so am i coming over today? i was like uhh sure lol. so he went to his soccer game and then came to my house. we had a lot of fun, and then we went to bed. so thats all for friday
Daily Stupidity:
Actual quotes from Federal employee performance evaluations:
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
I would not allow this employee to breed.
She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.
This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
Saturday, February 19th
we woke up at about 12:30 and just sat around, got on the computer, watched some tv, stuff like that. but then my brother had a basketball game so we went to that. after that we went out to dinner at captain leonards where we say a shit load of people we knew lol it was crazy. oh yeah and that night i found out kelly can really draw, its awesome. during dinner we decided he was spending the night again. funny how a spur of the moment thing lasted all weekend. well we went to his house to get more clothes, and then came back to my house. he let me burn all of the cd's of his that i wanted on to my computer (which was kanye west, Ludacris [chicken n beer, and red light district], Jay Z and Linkin Park, and the mix CD sam burned for him.) so thank you kelly! we also watched the end of ze world video that eric showed me along time ago lol god that thing never gets old, we were reciting the lines like the whole time he was here. well eventually we went to bed at like 1:30 cuz we had to get up for our soccer game which was at 8:45. oh yeah exactly 3 months till i turn 15!!
Daily Stupidity:
I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she said she was shopping on the internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
Sunday, February 20th
today i think was the day kelly learned there was 2 Rs in february lol. well we got up for our soccer game which we lost. then after our soccer game i went with his family to his soccer game where he also lost. but thats cuz that team is horrible. well we sat at that place for awhile cuz anthony's game was pretty soon so his family left us there and we stayed for that game. anthony also lost but thats cuz the ref was doing horrible. so it was a very losing weekend lol. after that game we went back home, took our showers, then got on the computer. we got on there for awhile, watched some tv and then eventually ate dinner. a little after dinner he had to leave, which was at like 8:30 so we thought he was staying the night again lol but he left. the greatest part about how long he was here is usually people get sick of friends if theyre around them too long but not us, we actually got better friends. i can pretty much say he's one of my best friends now. alright well after he left i watched Desperate Housewives which andy thankfully reminded me of thank you andy! and that was about it for the day.
The other part of the day which i figure deserves its own paragraph is, me and emily broke up. I'm not gonna say everything that went down so if you want to know IM me and even then i might not tell you. but yes we broke up. it was like 13 days short of 4 months but there were reasons. The only thing that i'll share is SOME people made me feel worse than i already did by saying some shit to me. and when i talked to emily later on the next day she apologized for it. so i felt worse for nothing. although i do still feel bad.
Daily Stupidity:
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now.." Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support: "Well?" Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"
Monday, February 21st
today was pretty boring. i just read all of my friends' post on lj since i hadnt been on in so long and cleaned some of the house. so it was really laid back today. im considering making my lj friends only but if i do it wont be until the beginning of march since i change my lj at the beginning of the month so i can get a friends only banner that accommodates my colors. but yeah i probably will make it friends only. hmm i guess thats it for today? it was definitely different not having kelly here lol.
so this was definitely my most eventful weekend. lots of good things and lots of bad. but im gonna be optimistic and say more good things happened. sorry its so long!
Daily Stupidity:
Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. "What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
Thursday, February 17th
hmm unfortunately i dont remember a lot. well i dont remember anything from school but after school i had soccer practice. Kelly didnt know that we were at Mt Zion instead so he drove all the way out to Grace Bretheren but eventually he got there, thank God, he's the only real friend of mine on that team. hmm i guess thats all for thursday. i guess i'll post a daily stupidity for each day.
Daily Stupidity:
Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Reports) and from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:
A gross ignoramus = 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
A room temperature IQ.
Bright as Alaska in December.
Donated his body to science before he was done using it.
Fell out of the family tree.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
He's so dense, light bends around him.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
One neuron short of a synapse.
One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
Takes him 10 hours to watch 60 minutes.
This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
Friday, February 18th
today was the day everyone changed their parking spot. anthony of course didnt get one so what he did was just drive to heathers before school since she lives like 5 mins past chopticon. but what did that mean for me? that meant he dropped me off at chopticon at 7:30. man was i pissed. i didnt say anything to him but when i got home i told my parents a lot of stuff. we always leave a little earlier for anthony to sit and talk with heather. it didnt bother me that much until he started yelling at me saying we were gonna be late when really, we werent it just meant he didnt get to talk to heather for 20 mins. so my dad would start saying to me in the morning im gonna make anthony late because im taking too long. so this really got to me and now anthony loses a parking spot and i dont want to ride the bus. so i told them all about how thats the only reason he leaves at the time he does. and since he had me so pissed off i started becoming a tattle tale. i kinda regret it now but i was really mad then. i was like and i know how anthony's gonna get into his first accident. its gonna be the cell phone. he doesnt actually talk on it but he looks at it for a long time (im assuming hes reading a text) so i know thats how he's gonna get into an accident, especially since he does it in the worst places. and that really mad my parents mad at him. so i started getting happy cuz hes finally getting what he deserved. he was saying for me to just ride the bus but my parents didnt like that idea since my bus is so dangerous. i like the bus driver but since someones already brought a knife on the bus its only a matter of time till someone brings a gun on. so i cant ride my bus often. well after that Kelly called and was like so am i coming over today? i was like uhh sure lol. so he went to his soccer game and then came to my house. we had a lot of fun, and then we went to bed. so thats all for friday
Daily Stupidity:
Actual quotes from Federal employee performance evaluations:
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
I would not allow this employee to breed.
She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.
This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
Saturday, February 19th
we woke up at about 12:30 and just sat around, got on the computer, watched some tv, stuff like that. but then my brother had a basketball game so we went to that. after that we went out to dinner at captain leonards where we say a shit load of people we knew lol it was crazy. oh yeah and that night i found out kelly can really draw, its awesome. during dinner we decided he was spending the night again. funny how a spur of the moment thing lasted all weekend. well we went to his house to get more clothes, and then came back to my house. he let me burn all of the cd's of his that i wanted on to my computer (which was kanye west, Ludacris [chicken n beer, and red light district], Jay Z and Linkin Park, and the mix CD sam burned for him.) so thank you kelly! we also watched the end of ze world video that eric showed me along time ago lol god that thing never gets old, we were reciting the lines like the whole time he was here. well eventually we went to bed at like 1:30 cuz we had to get up for our soccer game which was at 8:45. oh yeah exactly 3 months till i turn 15!!
Daily Stupidity:
I saw a lady at work today putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. I inquired as to what she was doing and she said she was shopping on the internet, and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
Sunday, February 20th
today i think was the day kelly learned there was 2 Rs in february lol. well we got up for our soccer game which we lost. then after our soccer game i went with his family to his soccer game where he also lost. but thats cuz that team is horrible. well we sat at that place for awhile cuz anthony's game was pretty soon so his family left us there and we stayed for that game. anthony also lost but thats cuz the ref was doing horrible. so it was a very losing weekend lol. after that game we went back home, took our showers, then got on the computer. we got on there for awhile, watched some tv and then eventually ate dinner. a little after dinner he had to leave, which was at like 8:30 so we thought he was staying the night again lol but he left. the greatest part about how long he was here is usually people get sick of friends if theyre around them too long but not us, we actually got better friends. i can pretty much say he's one of my best friends now. alright well after he left i watched Desperate Housewives which andy thankfully reminded me of thank you andy! and that was about it for the day.
The other part of the day which i figure deserves its own paragraph is, me and emily broke up. I'm not gonna say everything that went down so if you want to know IM me and even then i might not tell you. but yes we broke up. it was like 13 days short of 4 months but there were reasons. The only thing that i'll share is SOME people made me feel worse than i already did by saying some shit to me. and when i talked to emily later on the next day she apologized for it. so i felt worse for nothing. although i do still feel bad.
Daily Stupidity:
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now.." Person: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support: "Well?" Person: "How do I know when it's ready?"
Monday, February 21st
today was pretty boring. i just read all of my friends' post on lj since i hadnt been on in so long and cleaned some of the house. so it was really laid back today. im considering making my lj friends only but if i do it wont be until the beginning of march since i change my lj at the beginning of the month so i can get a friends only banner that accommodates my colors. but yeah i probably will make it friends only. hmm i guess thats it for today? it was definitely different not having kelly here lol.
so this was definitely my most eventful weekend. lots of good things and lots of bad. but im gonna be optimistic and say more good things happened. sorry its so long!
Daily Stupidity:
Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. "What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.