(no subject)
just to warn everybody this is a long journal entry and its all personal stuff that I’m feeling so if you want to read it, go ahead.
i dont want any of this to sound like im compaining to anybody or anything, i'm just really bored so i'm letting my thoughts out cuz i have nothing else to do
lately i have been kind of noticing things. i guess to most people i come off as a goofball, because i can be most of the time. and thats just how i am, pretty energetic most of the time. like, i dont know how to explain what i'm trying to say, i guess all i'm saying is that i'm more than that. it seems like i don't know if people can really take me seriouslly. like if i would try to be serious, people would be like haha. not too many people know the "real me" and the "real me" is a lot deeper than i may come off as right away. i’m glad i can be funny and stuff all the time but there’s a time and a place for it. most of the time i’m kinda "crazy" and "out there" it seems, but people don't want to look past that. i don't know, i've just been noticing it lately amongst people, nothing really specific just kinda in general. only a few people i think can actually see the real me and who i really am. and for that i'm glad that they take the chance to get to know me. i'm not saying everybody just thinks of me as the "crazy one", its just that i feel sometimes that that's how i should be. i dunno, i guess i am just rambling on about it now but the whole point was that, i am more than most people will get the chance to see. i'm not trying to sound be self-centered or anything thats not what im trying to say, i mean like, i'm more than just the hyper person who blurts out random things all the time and laughs for no reason. i am a lot deeper than that but i feel thats what most people know me as. but i dunno, if you want to know me as just that then i am not gonna do anything to change it, i just wanted to say that, i am more. but the people who really do know me are the ones that i really want to know me, (does that make any sense? i think it kinda does idk how to explain it ) so I’m glad for that and if someone wants to judge me as being just a goofball then they can, its their choice. i am just thankful that my true friends are the ones who really know me, and i guess that’s a way for me to tell that they are.
yesturday i went to small groups at pastor matt’s. we were talking about apathy. apathy basiclly means you just don’t care. like if you’re apathetic about something, it means you just don’t care about it. we were talking about the most extreme form of apathy which is suicide. when you get so down on yourself, you might feel like life just isn’t worth living anymore. like you just dont care. we talked about it for awhile then he told each of us that he wants us to go out and try to talk to those people in our lives that we know need help. i know for a fact that a few of my friends need help, and are beginning to doubt things. i want to help them and make everyone realize that life is a gift and it is not something to just waste away. i found this online, and it made me think...
Mark was walking home from school one day when he noticed the boy ahead of him had tripped and dropped all of the books he was carrying, along with two sweaters, a baseball bat, a glove and a small tape recorder. Mark knelt down and helped the boy pick up the scattered articles. Since they were going the same way, he helped to carry part of the burden. As they walked Mark discovered the boy's name was Bill, that he loved video games, baseball and history, and that he was having lots of trouble with his other subjects and that he had just broken up with his girlfriend. They arrived at Bill's home first and Mark was invited in for a Coke and to watch some television. The afternoon passed pleasantly with a few laughs and some shared small talk, then Mark went home. They continued to see each other around school, had lunch together once or twice, then both graduated from junior high school. They ended up in the same high school where they had brief contacts over the years. Finally the long awaited senior year came and three weeks before graduation, Bill asked Mark if they could talk.
Bill reminded him of the day years ago when they had first met. "Did you ever wonder why I was carrying so many things home that day?" asked Bill. "You see, I cleaned out my locker because I didn't want to leave a mess for anyone else. I had stored away some of my mothers sleeping pills and I was going home to commit suicide. But after we spent some time together talking and laughing, I realized that if I had killed myself, I would have missed that time and so many others that might follow. So you see, Mark, when you picked up those books that day, you did a lot more, you saved my life."
yeah, makes you think, doesnt it? well it made me think. you just never know what people are truly feeling deep down. even the happiest, most outgoing, friendly people could be the ones who are truly hurting, you just never know..
well i’m done rambling on about my thoughts and stuff cuz it’s getting kinda old. on a lighter note, i got these really cool shoes today, they’re hot pink and hot green and i got hot green shoelaces. they are the weirdest looking shoes i ever got but i like them for that reason. yay, 4 more days till the taking back sunday concert. that’s gonna be so much fun. i got a taking back sunday shirt at hot topic the other day to wear there. (i never relalized how many cool shirts they had there before) my mom was originally going to go but then she realized she’d rather just have us go with one of our friends instead, she doesn’t really think it’s her type of thing. cuz, ok my mom in a mosh pit? ummmm, i’m thinking not. (no offense to her or anything, just,,hahahhaha) it would be cool if garrett went with us. i asked him at CP but he wasn’t sure yet. it would be fun tho...and it’s on a sunday! so that means i’m gonna take it back! (haha, wow i need a life) i want to get my poster signed so ima try to mooove my way up to the front ;-) oooh yeah! hey, it just could be crazy enough to work! and lauras really excited cuz TBS is her favorite band (and me and my sis are like best friends so its gonna be fun) its gonna be CrAzAy. (my first concert...uhh ohh!!) can’t wait!
well im gonna go now cuz i’m getting tired of typing, i want to go finish learning american idiot on my guitar(to dedicate it to our president)..heh...(kerry should have won..grrrrr)
xoxo
. i’m a falling star you’ll never see . *
. . . . .
(think really hard about that, but don’t think too hard-you might hurt yourself)