Emo In The Face!
I'm not even sure why I'm updating now. Except that no one's online, and I want someone to talk to, and I figure I'll just shout out at space.
I've been rather down lately. Don't even bother asking why. It's the kind of thing where saying "everything" pretty much covers it. Little bit of this, whole lot of that, and just generally being lonely. Lots of lonely. Which isn't helped by my parents not letting me see my friends.
And just considering that I try to do stuff for my friends, or get stuff for them, and they're so important to me, and then I still feel like I have no one to lean on and pamper me. Because they're off at school or I can't see them or it just feels like they (you) don't care enough to reach out to me. Which isn't true, but it feels like it.
Whatever. I tell myself to suck it up, but it doesn't make me any less unhappy. It's good that I've been working a lot lately, but I've lost almost all motivation to do anything else. My room is a total disaster area, and instead of cleaning it, I curl up with a cat and nap.
And I didn't update with a poem Sunday 'cause I had work and then I went to Katie's and then I got in trouble for not being home and I didn't feel like updating then or, well, the rest of this week. I hate being so down, and I don't even know what caused it. It should be the opposite -- the weather's getting nicer, it's actually been sunny and decent, so why the hell don't I want to go enjoy it?
Part of that is I guilt myself. I'm not allowed to go outside and enjoy it because I have so much stuff I'm supposed to get done inside. Plus, if I go outside when my dad's out there, he'll force me to help him bring branches to the dump or something. I can't just enjoy stuff; I stay in my room all day so my parents won't nag me. I'm even sorta paranoid about doing anything in my room that might cause noise when my parents are up and around the house, because then they'll hear I'm up and want to interact with me, even if that's not true. They do generally sorta leave me alone.
I dunno. I guess I'm sorta done ranting. I'm gonna go read. Or something.
(And I'll probably read this tomorrow and go "sheesh, who's that frickin' emo kid?!")
I've been rather down lately. Don't even bother asking why. It's the kind of thing where saying "everything" pretty much covers it. Little bit of this, whole lot of that, and just generally being lonely. Lots of lonely. Which isn't helped by my parents not letting me see my friends.
And just considering that I try to do stuff for my friends, or get stuff for them, and they're so important to me, and then I still feel like I have no one to lean on and pamper me. Because they're off at school or I can't see them or it just feels like they (you) don't care enough to reach out to me. Which isn't true, but it feels like it.
Whatever. I tell myself to suck it up, but it doesn't make me any less unhappy. It's good that I've been working a lot lately, but I've lost almost all motivation to do anything else. My room is a total disaster area, and instead of cleaning it, I curl up with a cat and nap.
And I didn't update with a poem Sunday 'cause I had work and then I went to Katie's and then I got in trouble for not being home and I didn't feel like updating then or, well, the rest of this week. I hate being so down, and I don't even know what caused it. It should be the opposite -- the weather's getting nicer, it's actually been sunny and decent, so why the hell don't I want to go enjoy it?
Part of that is I guilt myself. I'm not allowed to go outside and enjoy it because I have so much stuff I'm supposed to get done inside. Plus, if I go outside when my dad's out there, he'll force me to help him bring branches to the dump or something. I can't just enjoy stuff; I stay in my room all day so my parents won't nag me. I'm even sorta paranoid about doing anything in my room that might cause noise when my parents are up and around the house, because then they'll hear I'm up and want to interact with me, even if that's not true. They do generally sorta leave me alone.
I dunno. I guess I'm sorta done ranting. I'm gonna go read. Or something.
(And I'll probably read this tomorrow and go "sheesh, who's that frickin' emo kid?!")