(no subject)
A solitary student sits staring at a screen
and sings a song of study in his head.
By stressing every syllable and scratching at his skin
he stops the sleep before it starts to spread.
I love alliteration. I hate studying. I have never been known to study very much. To tell the truth, I actually take pride in the lack of review I do before tests. I was blessed with the ability to discuss a topic rather convincingly without knowing very much about it (aka b.s.) and a multiple choice intuition akin to ESP. The satisfaction I feel after receiving an undeserved B on a difficult English exam is something along the lines of "sticking it to the man". I suppose, for me, there is 'the grade man' who takes pride in the (numeric) academic failure of students.
However, bad grades happen to good people, and bad grades happen more often to those who don't study. I usually deal with such blows from 'the grade man' through two mental reasonings; first, I remind myself that I did not study and therefore should not expect good grades and second, I strengthen my resolve to continue my textbook reading boycott because 'the grade man' will not beat me!
It is possible that there exists a more mature reaction to receiving the bad grades I deserve, but that is beside the point. What has been bothering me lately is the feeling that I am buying time. Most often in math class, but also while playing guitar or talking with friends, I feel a desire to give up, drop out, throw in the towel or any number of equally disappointed sounding phases that all boil down to my not being sure of what I am doing in college. I sometimes think I am a in college so that, when asked, I can reply, "I am majoring in Physics at Chapel Hill" instead of, "I am an out-of-work musician."
I would love to make a living as a singer/songwriter. I'm trying to write songs while in college, but part of me wonders if leaving school and jumping headfirst into the wold of bills and double-shifts would inspire me to write song after song because of mental and emotional necessity and not just dreams and desires.
College, I think, is just too comfortable for me to truly create anything of quality because life is (in part) about dealing with adversities, and my anthropology exam tomorrow is apparently not intimidating enough (although ironically, my anthropology professor's name is John F Scarry). I apologize for the lack of resolution in this entry, but I don't think I am ready to make a decision.
and sings a song of study in his head.
By stressing every syllable and scratching at his skin
he stops the sleep before it starts to spread.
I love alliteration. I hate studying. I have never been known to study very much. To tell the truth, I actually take pride in the lack of review I do before tests. I was blessed with the ability to discuss a topic rather convincingly without knowing very much about it (aka b.s.) and a multiple choice intuition akin to ESP. The satisfaction I feel after receiving an undeserved B on a difficult English exam is something along the lines of "sticking it to the man". I suppose, for me, there is 'the grade man' who takes pride in the (numeric) academic failure of students.
However, bad grades happen to good people, and bad grades happen more often to those who don't study. I usually deal with such blows from 'the grade man' through two mental reasonings; first, I remind myself that I did not study and therefore should not expect good grades and second, I strengthen my resolve to continue my textbook reading boycott because 'the grade man' will not beat me!
It is possible that there exists a more mature reaction to receiving the bad grades I deserve, but that is beside the point. What has been bothering me lately is the feeling that I am buying time. Most often in math class, but also while playing guitar or talking with friends, I feel a desire to give up, drop out, throw in the towel or any number of equally disappointed sounding phases that all boil down to my not being sure of what I am doing in college. I sometimes think I am a in college so that, when asked, I can reply, "I am majoring in Physics at Chapel Hill" instead of, "I am an out-of-work musician."
I would love to make a living as a singer/songwriter. I'm trying to write songs while in college, but part of me wonders if leaving school and jumping headfirst into the wold of bills and double-shifts would inspire me to write song after song because of mental and emotional necessity and not just dreams and desires.
College, I think, is just too comfortable for me to truly create anything of quality because life is (in part) about dealing with adversities, and my anthropology exam tomorrow is apparently not intimidating enough (although ironically, my anthropology professor's name is John F Scarry). I apologize for the lack of resolution in this entry, but I don't think I am ready to make a decision.