(no subject)

[my_heart_failed]

so i guess its really hard for me to love someone and be loved.
maybe its because im selfish or maybe its just because im not
going through an easy time right now. im caught in the middle
of some invisible force that is just making me completely and
utterly miserable. i wake up in the morning and feel like i'm
gonna be okay today, but then ten minutes later i realize that
i'm still not in a good mood, and the moods just get worse &
worse everyday. they weren't so bad at first and i could hide
them pretty good. but now, fuck hiding anything. i dont even
want to attempt to hide my moods. i'd end up acting like some
fake fuck with some queer smile painted across my face. yea.
it sucks. because im in a pretty good place right now. i have
a boyfriend who couldnt care more about me, i have friends,
i have been talking to my old friends a lot more, my step dad
is better and ive been getting along with my mother. i shouldnt
be so goddamn miserable but i am. no matter what anyone says to
me i come up with some smart ass remark and act like a complete
bitch. my gramma pretty much hates me right now and blames this
all on b.c. my grandfather thinks im just completely out of
control and its the fault of the kids im hanging out with.and me,
i know it isn't any of the above but i dont know just what it could
be.