I've figured it out!
I know why I keep myself so busy!
I have a phobia of free time. :D
Sounds weird, I know. But I've realized that when I have nothing to do, I usually end up feeling sad...because I have time to think. If I keep myself so busy that I don't have time for a spare thought to go through my head, I can't think about the things that make me writhe in pain. Ugh. I'm disgusted with myself.
Hmm, I've never empathized with Bella so much. Now, thinking back on New Moon, I realize that her description of true pain couldn't have been more spot-on. I think back on all the times I've been curled up on my bed, screaming (deceiving and bleeding for you and you still won't hear me...haha) and crying and literally writhing, and I suddenly don't hate New Moon as much.
Well...actually, I think I still hate it just as much, but nonetheless...XD
I can't even describe how dark my thoughts have become. Now I have Going Under playing in my head and I'm savagely agreeing with Amy Lee at the moment.
Let me explain a little more.
See, Mike's best friend Chelsy hates me with a passion. She thinks I treat him like a piece of crap and that he deserves better, plus she hates me because I didn't feel comfortable with him spending the night at his house (despite the fact that they used to date and that he's cheated on me with her before...*snort*). So, whatever. But at the moment, Mike's pissed at me because last night I texted her asking why she hated me, and then she told me all of this. And of course, he didn't take sides, which is admirable. But she was being a complete bitch to me and she told Mike that I was 'messing with the wrong person'. (Bitch, I ain't scared of you!) And then she texted him saying that she was sick of it all, that she hoped I was worth it, and goodbye. So I assume she "broke up with him" in the friend-way.
Now, believe me, I know how much that hurts.
Thing is, she's *gorgeous* and altogether more desirable than I am. So can you blame me for being insecure? Maybe you can, but it's not my fault that Mike even got involved. Chelsy was the one who texted him, and he was the one who responded. I wanted this to be between her and me; I didn't even want him involved.
This isn't my fault.
Not this time.
I have a phobia of free time. :D
Sounds weird, I know. But I've realized that when I have nothing to do, I usually end up feeling sad...because I have time to think. If I keep myself so busy that I don't have time for a spare thought to go through my head, I can't think about the things that make me writhe in pain. Ugh. I'm disgusted with myself.
Hmm, I've never empathized with Bella so much. Now, thinking back on New Moon, I realize that her description of true pain couldn't have been more spot-on. I think back on all the times I've been curled up on my bed, screaming (deceiving and bleeding for you and you still won't hear me...haha) and crying and literally writhing, and I suddenly don't hate New Moon as much.
Well...actually, I think I still hate it just as much, but nonetheless...XD
I can't even describe how dark my thoughts have become. Now I have Going Under playing in my head and I'm savagely agreeing with Amy Lee at the moment.
Let me explain a little more.
See, Mike's best friend Chelsy hates me with a passion. She thinks I treat him like a piece of crap and that he deserves better, plus she hates me because I didn't feel comfortable with him spending the night at his house (despite the fact that they used to date and that he's cheated on me with her before...*snort*). So, whatever. But at the moment, Mike's pissed at me because last night I texted her asking why she hated me, and then she told me all of this. And of course, he didn't take sides, which is admirable. But she was being a complete bitch to me and she told Mike that I was 'messing with the wrong person'. (Bitch, I ain't scared of you!) And then she texted him saying that she was sick of it all, that she hoped I was worth it, and goodbye. So I assume she "broke up with him" in the friend-way.
Now, believe me, I know how much that hurts.
Thing is, she's *gorgeous* and altogether more desirable than I am. So can you blame me for being insecure? Maybe you can, but it's not my fault that Mike even got involved. Chelsy was the one who texted him, and he was the one who responded. I wanted this to be between her and me; I didn't even want him involved.
This isn't my fault.
Not this time.