friends come and go...Christ is life everlasting!
"The Darkest Hour is just before the dawn"
Well I've been feeling kinda down this week. I'm much much better today though. I know it is the grace of God that has encouraged my heart and made me realize possibilities that make circumstances not seem so bad.
I'm sure that was very vague. I'll explain.
I've been feelin kinda lonely the last couple weeks...not the typical, occasional "i don't have a bf lonely" but lonely in other senses as well. Lonely from friendship even though I know I still have friends. Lonely in a crowded room. Lonely from and even among people I hold dear. Things just aren't what they used to be. This week it all hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized just how much separation has taken place from my friends and I--friends who have been my best pals for years, as well as friends I see 2-3 times a week. Things have changed so much and it's not because we don't get along. It's just different. There's a distance now that cannot easily be explained.
I believe that God has been preparing me for this since December. I have had a very active social life this year and enjoyed it. Without any sense of insecurity in my friendships, I began to get dreams about people detaching from me. It didnt' make any since but these dreams were so similiar and had the same message (the best comparison I can make is with Joseph in the Bible. Remember when he had those dreams about him and his 12 brothers and each dream was almost the same as the next except with different objects? That's what mine was like). I would usually have these dreams when I was delving deep into reading my Bible. For these reasons I felt it was possible that the dreams weren't my imagination, but were heaven-sent. So I made it a point to pray about it and asked God to show me what it meant. I continued with my friendships because I didn't want to create a problem I may have imagined up.
I also received some insights I believed were from the Lord. These included the message that God was doing new things in me that some people wouldn't understand but that God was going to use for good; there were going to be separations from some of my friends and it wouldn't make since but it would work out because God was moving. I wondered about that and continued my way being a friend and seeking God with my life.
So now it has begun to come to pass. I'm not crazy. People who were my BEST friends since childhood have suddenly distanced themselves from me and become closer to one another. It would take too long to explain the extent of this and I'm not here to gossip or release bitterness. I still love them dearly and will continue to be a friend, but I do realize that things have changed and I need to keep moving with what God is doing. It's been so painful. I think God revealed these things to me in order to prepare me, and He did but I still haven't handled it too well. I'm not that strong and it has hurtful.
But like I said, I'm feeling much better today. I was going over this paper from the beginning of the year that said that there were shake-ups coming but to not be discouraged because if it were not for the shake-ups we wouldn't move on from where we were at in order to walk into what God was going to do. It so encouraged me to see that because earlier today the thought came to me that God was preparing me for something very new and this change in climate would be what transitioned me to where I needed to be.
So now I'm back to looking ahead with anticipation. I'm even excited about this week. It's spring break and it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere and I don't really have plans and I'm so pleased! I feel that I need this time to be with God and prepare for the next steps. I also feel that I have a ton of work to do that I've hardly kept up with this semester and I need to jump on it if I wanna survive getting back to school next week. I have interesting classes so at least some of my readings should be fun. It's just staying on top of it that's an issue.
So as I often did in my history of lj, I have left a much bigger blog than I meant to. It's alright though. I could honestly keep going because my heart is bursting with optimism. There's these issues with people that don't make sense at all. But I know that my Lord has the best view of things and it makes sense to Him. I can only guess why, like Job did...and I don't think God answered Job's question either except by telling him that he needed to trust. Job stayed faithful and God gave him back more than what he lost. Life is beautiful and I want to just soak the Holy Spirit--"on earth as it is in Heaven" Amen.
Well I've been feeling kinda down this week. I'm much much better today though. I know it is the grace of God that has encouraged my heart and made me realize possibilities that make circumstances not seem so bad.
I'm sure that was very vague. I'll explain.
I've been feelin kinda lonely the last couple weeks...not the typical, occasional "i don't have a bf lonely" but lonely in other senses as well. Lonely from friendship even though I know I still have friends. Lonely in a crowded room. Lonely from and even among people I hold dear. Things just aren't what they used to be. This week it all hit me like a ton of bricks and I realized just how much separation has taken place from my friends and I--friends who have been my best pals for years, as well as friends I see 2-3 times a week. Things have changed so much and it's not because we don't get along. It's just different. There's a distance now that cannot easily be explained.
I believe that God has been preparing me for this since December. I have had a very active social life this year and enjoyed it. Without any sense of insecurity in my friendships, I began to get dreams about people detaching from me. It didnt' make any since but these dreams were so similiar and had the same message (the best comparison I can make is with Joseph in the Bible. Remember when he had those dreams about him and his 12 brothers and each dream was almost the same as the next except with different objects? That's what mine was like). I would usually have these dreams when I was delving deep into reading my Bible. For these reasons I felt it was possible that the dreams weren't my imagination, but were heaven-sent. So I made it a point to pray about it and asked God to show me what it meant. I continued with my friendships because I didn't want to create a problem I may have imagined up.
I also received some insights I believed were from the Lord. These included the message that God was doing new things in me that some people wouldn't understand but that God was going to use for good; there were going to be separations from some of my friends and it wouldn't make since but it would work out because God was moving. I wondered about that and continued my way being a friend and seeking God with my life.
So now it has begun to come to pass. I'm not crazy. People who were my BEST friends since childhood have suddenly distanced themselves from me and become closer to one another. It would take too long to explain the extent of this and I'm not here to gossip or release bitterness. I still love them dearly and will continue to be a friend, but I do realize that things have changed and I need to keep moving with what God is doing. It's been so painful. I think God revealed these things to me in order to prepare me, and He did but I still haven't handled it too well. I'm not that strong and it has hurtful.
But like I said, I'm feeling much better today. I was going over this paper from the beginning of the year that said that there were shake-ups coming but to not be discouraged because if it were not for the shake-ups we wouldn't move on from where we were at in order to walk into what God was going to do. It so encouraged me to see that because earlier today the thought came to me that God was preparing me for something very new and this change in climate would be what transitioned me to where I needed to be.
So now I'm back to looking ahead with anticipation. I'm even excited about this week. It's spring break and it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere and I don't really have plans and I'm so pleased! I feel that I need this time to be with God and prepare for the next steps. I also feel that I have a ton of work to do that I've hardly kept up with this semester and I need to jump on it if I wanna survive getting back to school next week. I have interesting classes so at least some of my readings should be fun. It's just staying on top of it that's an issue.
So as I often did in my history of lj, I have left a much bigger blog than I meant to. It's alright though. I could honestly keep going because my heart is bursting with optimism. There's these issues with people that don't make sense at all. But I know that my Lord has the best view of things and it makes sense to Him. I can only guess why, like Job did...and I don't think God answered Job's question either except by telling him that he needed to trust. Job stayed faithful and God gave him back more than what he lost. Life is beautiful and I want to just soak the Holy Spirit--"on earth as it is in Heaven" Amen.