high blood pressure
Somethings have been on my mind lately and I can't seem to shake them. Stuff really bothers me about some people but every attempt I make to address or confront that stuff always concludes with the same repeating guitar riff. You know, the dull note of feeling like they're listening but when you wake up the next day after talking about it, it's all reset and you get the same shit all over again. Yeah, basically that. I am convinced that over the years I've turned some of my friends into yes people, when they talk to me. Sometimes I'll get pissed off and bitch you (variable) out, for something you say and then you'll turn around and appologise and say I'm right. Am I really right this often? Is 9 out of 10 times I'm angry justified? There's so much I have yet to learn about myself, I am my own galaxy... and like every galaxy I have my black holes. Information lost that I am trying to rediscover without losing myself within. This is one of those times, my friends, that I feel the need for people to give me input, critical or not. I'm not looking for this whole "you need a car and apartment" stuff... I want to know things about myself, from other people's perspectives, that are not so conventional.
This brings me to a somewhat off topic deal, and that is how useless livejournal is in the aspect of input, responce, and support... at least for me. I still don't know if people are just not at all interested in what I type in this thing or if people just don't read it or what.... but so far I've had 3 people lately tell me things about myself that I knew but I never knew that angle really existed. And all 3 of those people were people I work with, who I've known for less time than anyone else.
Is this a sign of things to come? Are my old friends basically phading within their own lives, closing off and retrograding away? Whatever happened to the spark I used to feel from so many people, did their spark die off.... or was it the spark in our friendships?
Or is it this incredibly bad attitude that some people get, that once you're out of New Milford anyone who lives there is just less important. Move away, grab yourself a college boyfriend, and get taken away by your newly found social life. I have to admit, I'm working on one of my own here.... extremely slowly and carefully but even assuming I gained "popularity" around these parts I would only let it survive under the conditions of integrating it with my other social lives and friends. That's how I work, all united or nothing at all.
So as you can see, I have alot of questions... and I just want to know who I am on the outside... and I also want to know who is keeping me around for a reason more than to just talk on the internet, and who just wants someone to tell them they are awesome when they don't have their boyfriends, college buddies, or just nobody but me at the time in general.
>>I LOOK FORWARD TO SUMMER<<
by the way, this is officially my 2,700th livejournal entry is that crazy or what? that's adding up all my livejournals, the first one began on April 19th, 2000... which was the first week I really start hanging out in town alot. This was with Jen Marden, Scott Johnson, Jamie Tracy, Henry Waldrop, and Jesse Fitch (who was tripping on acid and licking motor oil from the CVS parking lot).
good times, better times AHEAD!
BEAT THAT SHIT INTO YOUR HEADS, BETTER TIMES AHEAD MUTHAFAQOO!
-cone-
This brings me to a somewhat off topic deal, and that is how useless livejournal is in the aspect of input, responce, and support... at least for me. I still don't know if people are just not at all interested in what I type in this thing or if people just don't read it or what.... but so far I've had 3 people lately tell me things about myself that I knew but I never knew that angle really existed. And all 3 of those people were people I work with, who I've known for less time than anyone else.
Is this a sign of things to come? Are my old friends basically phading within their own lives, closing off and retrograding away? Whatever happened to the spark I used to feel from so many people, did their spark die off.... or was it the spark in our friendships?
Or is it this incredibly bad attitude that some people get, that once you're out of New Milford anyone who lives there is just less important. Move away, grab yourself a college boyfriend, and get taken away by your newly found social life. I have to admit, I'm working on one of my own here.... extremely slowly and carefully but even assuming I gained "popularity" around these parts I would only let it survive under the conditions of integrating it with my other social lives and friends. That's how I work, all united or nothing at all.
So as you can see, I have alot of questions... and I just want to know who I am on the outside... and I also want to know who is keeping me around for a reason more than to just talk on the internet, and who just wants someone to tell them they are awesome when they don't have their boyfriends, college buddies, or just nobody but me at the time in general.
>>I LOOK FORWARD TO SUMMER<<
by the way, this is officially my 2,700th livejournal entry is that crazy or what? that's adding up all my livejournals, the first one began on April 19th, 2000... which was the first week I really start hanging out in town alot. This was with Jen Marden, Scott Johnson, Jamie Tracy, Henry Waldrop, and Jesse Fitch (who was tripping on acid and licking motor oil from the CVS parking lot).
good times, better times AHEAD!
BEAT THAT SHIT INTO YOUR HEADS, BETTER TIMES AHEAD MUTHAFAQOO!
-cone-