I pulled a muscle in my neck today during weight training.
I am much more mature than the majority of people that I know. I will do my share of bitching and moaning. I can take responsibility. Growing up, growing older may intimidate me, but I will deal with it. And eventually embrace the idea.
I will have to actually put effort into school for the remaining X amount of months. and possibly more effort will be necessary if I go to college. I will get a job-likely one that I dislike- but one that pays. Because thats what I need to do. To be realitively on my own eventually. It will be tough, but I wont cry and curl up in a ball.
I am weak at times. But why let life or the threat of expectation stun me. Perhaps I wont go to college or get a job. Perhaps I will simple leave. Move. Travel.
I dont think I would miss more personal relationships/friendships than I can count on one hand.
I will have my personal battles. I will retreat within myself.
Use my alcohol escapism as I please, when i have the means to do so.
I dont believe that I am capable of allowing myself to truly love anyone.
I am selfish.
Willing to hurt but not to be hurt. Directly or indirectly(which isnt the latter just a way of saying- look this is what i wanted to do but dont have the courage to admit that its what I want).
I should learn to hurt before I learn to love.
I am much better at evoking feelings in others than most are.
I should take care of me as a priority. I am living for me, and hope I never live exclusively for someone else.
I should be the one to support me in times of distress or sorrow.
I am aware of my struggle to exert some sort of empty pretend fulfilling self-righteous idependence. and I despise me for that.
I know its ok to feel the way I feel, however damn way that I do. No one needs to tell me that.
I will have to actually put effort into school for the remaining X amount of months. and possibly more effort will be necessary if I go to college. I will get a job-likely one that I dislike- but one that pays. Because thats what I need to do. To be realitively on my own eventually. It will be tough, but I wont cry and curl up in a ball.
I am weak at times. But why let life or the threat of expectation stun me. Perhaps I wont go to college or get a job. Perhaps I will simple leave. Move. Travel.
I dont think I would miss more personal relationships/friendships than I can count on one hand.
I will have my personal battles. I will retreat within myself.
Use my alcohol escapism as I please, when i have the means to do so.
I dont believe that I am capable of allowing myself to truly love anyone.
I am selfish.
Willing to hurt but not to be hurt. Directly or indirectly(which isnt the latter just a way of saying- look this is what i wanted to do but dont have the courage to admit that its what I want).
I should learn to hurt before I learn to love.
I am much better at evoking feelings in others than most are.
I should take care of me as a priority. I am living for me, and hope I never live exclusively for someone else.
I should be the one to support me in times of distress or sorrow.
I am aware of my struggle to exert some sort of empty pretend fulfilling self-righteous idependence. and I despise me for that.
I know its ok to feel the way I feel, however damn way that I do. No one needs to tell me that.