in the name of love?
fuck valentine's day. i don't know about it anymore. it revolves around love, (or money probably) and I just don't know what to make of love anymore. for awhile, I was quite the advocate for love, which was shocking to me because before I fell in love, I was very cynical toward the whole idea of it, and if I thought about it at all, I at least thought about it in a very realistic sense...but then, yeah.. I fell in love and I started thinking more highly of it, and started acting overly sappy and unrealistic. but then shit happened, and you know, I started feeling deceived by the whole "love" thing..and reality began to sink in once again. I wasn't nearly as cynical about it as I used to be, though --like before i fell in love (if I ever even did fall in love in the first place), i thought that "love" was just an excuse that people made that justified any bad action they chose to take, like when someone stalked their girlfriend "because I loved her" or killed their husband "because love made me do it," like love was a viable and attractive alternative to rationality. I also thought that the emotion was a conspiracy by the greeting card companies to sell more Valentine's Day cards, and couldn't understand why people thought so highly of dead flowers and sappy Air Supply songs. I'm a thinker and a spectator, not a lover or a fighter, and I knew better than to be won over by half-assed tokens or pop music. and well..I still think all that, but now i'm starting to see that there's actually a middle ground, where I'm finding that it is possible to be in love and be rational, clear-minded, and even cynical too. i don't have to be a teddy bear-loving, irrational ditz to be in love. I can be in love and still be myself; I just need to find someone who can accept that.