Writing Wrongs
I angst a lot about writing. I angst about not doing it, and doing it, and what I'm doing wrong and (as is more to the point, lately) how I don't do it at all. It's to the point where I'm not sure I want to write, because writers write, and I don't.
But I think that, apart from just Not Writing or Wasting Time Roleplaying Instead of Writing, part of my "problem" is that so much of what I might want to write seems "wrong." Watching a lot of silent film lately has brought this home to me. There's so much going on in there that is "wrong" on at least two levels, as far as the modern, conscientious viewer is concerned:
1) It is often "melodramatic" or unrealistic, with lots of pathetic orphans and grand schemes and dramatic forced marriages/kidnappings/rescues/circuses/rags to riches and vice versa/ridiculousness.
and
2) It often contains really really bad sexism, racism, ableism, classism, pretty much any-ism-you-can-think-of.
Examples from my favorites:
*The Unknown, where Lon Chaney plays a man with no arms who loves a woman who hates being touched but he secretly has arms which he then gets amputated before knowing that she's gotten over her phobia and loves the strong man..
*Limelight where Charlie Chaplin is an alcoholic has-been comedian who rescues a young dancer from suicide who then falls in pity!love with him because he cures her of her hysterical paralysis.
*The Penalty where Lon Chaney has no legs (um, theme much?) because of an unnecessary operation and is evil because of a bad brain injury or something and has a diabolical plot involving lots of hats and makes his girlfriend play the piano pedals for him because he can't and there's a sub-plot about a sculptor who thinks he has the perfect face of EVIL to model for her.
*Metropolis which has a sexy robot and really, really simplistic themes about class and work and society.
I miss this stuff. The sensational stuff, not the -ism stuff, though sometimes it's difficult to tease out. I also like HUGE acting. You know? I like Orson Welles and William Shatner and silent actors and scenery chewing and self-indulgence. If the self being indulged is interesting to me, that is.
Which all suggests that I need to write, to create, that which I find lacking in my current media choices. But here's the problem: can you really write about child prostitutes and gay opera singers and girls dressing as boys and split personalities and all the stuff it was totally "okay" to write about when you were Victor Hugo but seem both outdated and actually inappropriate now? I think you can--I think I should write what I feel, what I need, and I think it can be done without being totally offensive. But I also need to get over whatever is holding me back--and remember that it may not be advisable to put out into the world all the things which might come out of my head.
I'm too afraid that the thoughts in my head will offend people. I'm too worried that what I want in my entertainment isn't "right." There's a wrong way to do things, sure. And there's stuff that maybe should be "just for me." But there's also a lot of stuff that we're all concerned with, that speaks to our need for melodrama and adversity confronted and the human condition. And I should stop being so uncertain about whether that's okay that I don't even begin. I don't know until I've done it whether I'm fulfilling that id candy niche or crossing a line into hurtful. I don't think it's right to disregard the human element in fiction, the impact on others. But neither does it make sense to disregard my own need for id-fic, understanding that there are lots of ways to go about it.
I think I'm just afraid, but I'm not sure, entirely, what I'm afraid of. Doing it Wrong, yes. But there's wrong and there's Wrong, and there's a difference.
This entry is also posted at http://my-daroga.dreamwidth.org/271231.html. Feel free to comment wherever you want.
But I think that, apart from just Not Writing or Wasting Time Roleplaying Instead of Writing, part of my "problem" is that so much of what I might want to write seems "wrong." Watching a lot of silent film lately has brought this home to me. There's so much going on in there that is "wrong" on at least two levels, as far as the modern, conscientious viewer is concerned:
1) It is often "melodramatic" or unrealistic, with lots of pathetic orphans and grand schemes and dramatic forced marriages/kidnappings/rescues/circuses/rags to riches and vice versa/ridiculousness.
and
2) It often contains really really bad sexism, racism, ableism, classism, pretty much any-ism-you-can-think-of.
Examples from my favorites:
*The Unknown, where Lon Chaney plays a man with no arms who loves a woman who hates being touched but he secretly has arms which he then gets amputated before knowing that she's gotten over her phobia and loves the strong man..
*Limelight where Charlie Chaplin is an alcoholic has-been comedian who rescues a young dancer from suicide who then falls in pity!love with him because he cures her of her hysterical paralysis.
*The Penalty where Lon Chaney has no legs (um, theme much?) because of an unnecessary operation and is evil because of a bad brain injury or something and has a diabolical plot involving lots of hats and makes his girlfriend play the piano pedals for him because he can't and there's a sub-plot about a sculptor who thinks he has the perfect face of EVIL to model for her.
*Metropolis which has a sexy robot and really, really simplistic themes about class and work and society.
I miss this stuff. The sensational stuff, not the -ism stuff, though sometimes it's difficult to tease out. I also like HUGE acting. You know? I like Orson Welles and William Shatner and silent actors and scenery chewing and self-indulgence. If the self being indulged is interesting to me, that is.
Which all suggests that I need to write, to create, that which I find lacking in my current media choices. But here's the problem: can you really write about child prostitutes and gay opera singers and girls dressing as boys and split personalities and all the stuff it was totally "okay" to write about when you were Victor Hugo but seem both outdated and actually inappropriate now? I think you can--I think I should write what I feel, what I need, and I think it can be done without being totally offensive. But I also need to get over whatever is holding me back--and remember that it may not be advisable to put out into the world all the things which might come out of my head.
I'm too afraid that the thoughts in my head will offend people. I'm too worried that what I want in my entertainment isn't "right." There's a wrong way to do things, sure. And there's stuff that maybe should be "just for me." But there's also a lot of stuff that we're all concerned with, that speaks to our need for melodrama and adversity confronted and the human condition. And I should stop being so uncertain about whether that's okay that I don't even begin. I don't know until I've done it whether I'm fulfilling that id candy niche or crossing a line into hurtful. I don't think it's right to disregard the human element in fiction, the impact on others. But neither does it make sense to disregard my own need for id-fic, understanding that there are lots of ways to go about it.
I think I'm just afraid, but I'm not sure, entirely, what I'm afraid of. Doing it Wrong, yes. But there's wrong and there's Wrong, and there's a difference.
This entry is also posted at http://my-daroga.dreamwidth.org/271231.html. Feel free to comment wherever you want.