delicate few
so i've been thinking about death lately.
janelle was my friend. i remember exactly the christmas card she wrote me junior year. it said "melanie, you are the zenith of happiness and caring." i didnt get it, i didnt know that anyone had thought i had been the zenith of anything, especially not happiness and caring. apparently i had made a difference in someones life, and to think that that person is now dead...it's incomprehensible. for someone living, vibrant, with hopes and dreams and friends and those who love them to die because of a stupid malfunction. to lose their life to a fume, little things in life just dont seem that small to me now.
i was reading this book on the enlightenment and it kind of made me think about what's important in life anyway. i dont even know. maybe going to college and getting married and having a job or kids is pointless. is it what we want to do or is it what we think we're supposed to do? i dont know what i would do if i knew my life was to end soon. would i be doing what i am doing now? would those things normally seem to be degrading to me as a person? not if i were to die...
"Orou: I find these strange precepts contrary to nature, and contrary to reason. I think they are admirably calculated to increase the number of crimes and to give endless annoyance to the old workman [God] --who made evertthing without hands, head or tools, who is everywhere but can be seen nowhere, who exists today and tomorrow but grows not a day older, who gives commands and is not obeyed, who can prevent what he dislikes but fails to do so. His commands are contrary to nature because they assume that a thinking being, one that has feelings and a sense of freedom, can be the property of another being like himself. On what could such a right of ownership be founded? ...For in truth is there anything so senseless as a precept that forbids us to heed to the changing impulses that are inherent in our being, or commands that require a degree of constancy which is not possible, that violate the liberty of both male and female by chaining them perpetually to one another?...Take my word for it, you have reduced human beings to a worse condition than that of the animals." -- Denis Diderot, Supplement to Bougainville's Voyage
so are we really that delicate? people, especially me, tend to think we and all of us around us are invincible. when my grandpa had yet another surgery to remove a tumor this past week, i put it out of my mind thinking that all the other times he survived his surgeries, of course he will now. thank god he did, but what if he didnt? i think i really took too much advantage of that and i know i would have been kicking myself for never paying enough attention to the important things in my life.
it proves that all bad things come in threes. all the work i'm neglecting and the classes i miss really dont seem that important anymore.
seven more days til i go home. i really need it. tuesday - monday. ITS ON MY FRIENDS!
janelle was my friend. i remember exactly the christmas card she wrote me junior year. it said "melanie, you are the zenith of happiness and caring." i didnt get it, i didnt know that anyone had thought i had been the zenith of anything, especially not happiness and caring. apparently i had made a difference in someones life, and to think that that person is now dead...it's incomprehensible. for someone living, vibrant, with hopes and dreams and friends and those who love them to die because of a stupid malfunction. to lose their life to a fume, little things in life just dont seem that small to me now.
i was reading this book on the enlightenment and it kind of made me think about what's important in life anyway. i dont even know. maybe going to college and getting married and having a job or kids is pointless. is it what we want to do or is it what we think we're supposed to do? i dont know what i would do if i knew my life was to end soon. would i be doing what i am doing now? would those things normally seem to be degrading to me as a person? not if i were to die...
"Orou: I find these strange precepts contrary to nature, and contrary to reason. I think they are admirably calculated to increase the number of crimes and to give endless annoyance to the old workman [God] --who made evertthing without hands, head or tools, who is everywhere but can be seen nowhere, who exists today and tomorrow but grows not a day older, who gives commands and is not obeyed, who can prevent what he dislikes but fails to do so. His commands are contrary to nature because they assume that a thinking being, one that has feelings and a sense of freedom, can be the property of another being like himself. On what could such a right of ownership be founded? ...For in truth is there anything so senseless as a precept that forbids us to heed to the changing impulses that are inherent in our being, or commands that require a degree of constancy which is not possible, that violate the liberty of both male and female by chaining them perpetually to one another?...Take my word for it, you have reduced human beings to a worse condition than that of the animals." -- Denis Diderot, Supplement to Bougainville's Voyage
so are we really that delicate? people, especially me, tend to think we and all of us around us are invincible. when my grandpa had yet another surgery to remove a tumor this past week, i put it out of my mind thinking that all the other times he survived his surgeries, of course he will now. thank god he did, but what if he didnt? i think i really took too much advantage of that and i know i would have been kicking myself for never paying enough attention to the important things in my life.
it proves that all bad things come in threes. all the work i'm neglecting and the classes i miss really dont seem that important anymore.
seven more days til i go home. i really need it. tuesday - monday. ITS ON MY FRIENDS!