I slept the whole night last night,that was a first in a very long time.
So,i thought i came to the conclusion on what to do on my 18th birthday for sure.It is certainly difficult when your mother tells you shes going to kill herself if i choose what i have already chosen and feel i am still going to go by.Sad things keep coming to me.But,i really dont care.Yes,its true.I am 17 and all i care about the most are the closest people to me.Meghon and Josh. It's come to the point to where i dont remember when my mom was normal though.My dad tells me she's been mentally sick her whole life.Im not to sure if i agree with this.And if its true,how am i handling this,this well and have not gone completly insane myself.well i guess i can answer that right off the bat, Two familys basicly.The Paschke's and The Everett's.I dont think id even be alive and/or the same person i am without them.So,Firstly this is what ive decided i am going back to la sierra second semester next year.I considered just graduating early with the class of 2005 and leaving on my 18 birthday.But I just really really want to graduate with meghon and josh i dont mean to be lame about it.But thats the one thing ive actually been looking forward to my whole highschool career.but the whole problem is with my mom.She tells me im going to be sorry and that shes going to kill herself if i go back to la sierra.Thats when i considered graduating early and just leaving on my 18th birthday.Then She informs me that if i move in with josh's family how big of a whore im going to be and that shell kill herself in that scenario also.Well,fuck.Both of my options closed.So either way im doing what i want.I'm going to finish highschool at la sierra high and live with josh and his loving family and be happy for once.I believe shes using the killing herself as an excuse to make me feel horrible.Its definatley not going to work.Im so over her and all her tricks.whoa,im a rammbler.