Fic: Point of the Story
Fandom: Supernatural
Title: Point of the Story
Author: my_atlantis
Rating: R for language
Pairing: Gen
Summary: Sam doesn't appreciate Dean's sense of humor.
Spoilers: None, random snippet of Winchester life.
"So there's this farm, and it's got the regulars. Cows, sheep, pigs, and shit. But on the farm is this horse and a baby chick, right? They're best friends and whatever. One day, the chick and the horse are playing, and the horse falls into this bog and starts sinking. And being the smart one of the two, the horse starts yellin', 'Help me, help me, I'm stuck in a fuckin' swamp!' Obviously the chick goes to get help, 'cos what chicken can haul a huge-ass horse outta a swamp? So it runs back to the farm, but the farmer is gone and he took the tractor for some reason. Probably showin' off to the buck-toothed old lady that churns butter or some shit and gettin' laid. But the chick took the farmer's brand new Harley -though I'd kick its fuckin' ass if it had done that to me- and some rope and went back to the bog and used the Harley to get the horse out. So the horse says, 'Thank you, thank you I could've almost been glue.' Then another day the chick falls into the bog -like the stupid little shit it is- and starts sinking. So the chick says, ‘Help me, help me!’ And the horse steps a little bit in, spreading out his legs to get keep his balance and stuff 'cos that'd totally suck if both of them were stuck and says to the chick, ‘Grab my hangy-down thing!’ Which is the horse's stupidly long penis, right? So the chick does and the horse saves the chick who says, 'Thank you, thank you, I could've died.' Whatever, whatever."
"..."
"What?"
"Was there any point to that, Dean?"
"Well yeah. There's a moral to the story, cuntface. D'you know what it is?"
"....No."
"Oh come on, Sammy. You're tellin' me that for all your fancy college education you got nothing?"
"Dean. That was the stupidest story, ever. There is no moral to it."
"Yeah there is! You're just mad 'cos you can't figure it out."
"Then fine, tell me what it is."
"Dude, its so obvious. 'When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.’"
"..."
"What d'you think? Wasn't that funny? Oh come on, Sam. Don't give me that look. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Don’t give me the lip, dude. Come on! Say somethin', it wasn't *that* bad."
"Dean. Never talk again."
"But it was funny! Come on, admit it. I'm hilarious. Should be a fuckin' comedian. Hey Sam, you think comedians bring in a lot of cash real easy? Then we wouldn't have to hustle, 'cos I know that breaks your little conscience's heart."
"Dean. Stop. Talking."
* * *
"Okay, okay, here's a good one, Sam. In West Virginia one day, a boy comes home from school and runs up to his dad all excited. He says he's found the perfect girl, tells his dad how she's pretty, smart, funny, nice, all that shit. So the dad asks, 'Is she a virgin?' And the kid says yeah, she is. So the father looks his boy in the eye and says, 'Son, if she ain't good enough for her family she ain't good enough for ours.’"
"Where the hell did you hear that one?"
"Back when we were in West Virginia, duh."
"…They told it as a joke?"
"No, they said it was a true story."
"Somebody. Save me."
* * *
"Little Red Riding Hood is about to leave for her grandmother's house, right? So-"
"Dean. Please tell me this isn't another cheesy joke."
"No! It's good, I promise."
"...Fine."
"Okay, so right before Red leaves, her momma tells her not to stray off the path 'cos otherwise the Big Bad Wolf is gonna fuck her brains out."
"I thought you said this was gonna be a good one!"
"It is! If you would stop *interrupting* me, you'd see it was good!"
"Jerk."
"Bitch. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. So she says, 'yeah, yeah I know.' So off she goes, and on the way she sees this family of deer. And the big ol' buck comes over to her and warns her not to stray off the path 'cos otherwise the Big Bad Wolf is gonna fuck her brains out. And she says, 'I know, I know, my momma told me.' So she keeps goin'. Then she sees a squirrel and the squirrel warns her not to stray off the path 'cos otherwise the Big Bad Wolf is gonna fuck her brains out. And again Red says, 'I know, I know, my momma and some deer told me.' So she keeps goin'. Then she sees this field of flowers and thinks that her grandmother would like some wildflowers, so she goes into the field, and off the path, to pick some flowers. Well, then the Big Bad Wolf decides to jump out and be all scary and shit. So the Wolf growls and grabs Red and says, 'I'm the Big Bad Wolf and I'm gonna fuck your brains out now'. And Red, smart little shit she is, turns around, lifts up her little skirt and says right back, 'No you're not. You're gonna eat me just like the story says!'"
"...Horrible. That was. Horrible. Why did I even let you open your mouth?"
"'Cos you know I'm right that its funny."
"Am I even related?"
"Well yeah. See a pretty girl who became our mom met this handsome guy who became our dad and they had the hots for each other, right? So after a date they-"
"Dean! That's one mental image I don't want in my head because of your big-ass mouth."
"Oh, but its a big-ass mouth all the girls love, Sammy."
"Dude. Shut. Up."
* * *
"So this one should appeal to you, Sam. It’s about your people."
"My people?"
"Yeah, just listen. So how many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
"...One, two?"
"No, none. 'Cos they all like to sit in the dark and cry about it. Then maybe write a song about it later."
"Wait- what does that have to do with 'my people'?"
"Emo kids. Duh. Okay, so why would you want your grass to be emo?"
"Hey, I'm not em-"
"Because then it'd cut itself. So this emo guy went to a bar, but got kicked out, wanna know why?"
"-o. You're just being stereotypically pigheaded and insensitive to everyone around you-"
"They kicked him out for Happy Hour."
"Dean!"
"What!?"
"...I hate you so much sometimes, I'm surprised I haven't killed you yet."
"No, emo kids don't kill other people, they kill themselves first."
"Dean!"
Title: Point of the Story
Author: my_atlantis
Rating: R for language
Pairing: Gen
Summary: Sam doesn't appreciate Dean's sense of humor.
Spoilers: None, random snippet of Winchester life.
"So there's this farm, and it's got the regulars. Cows, sheep, pigs, and shit. But on the farm is this horse and a baby chick, right? They're best friends and whatever. One day, the chick and the horse are playing, and the horse falls into this bog and starts sinking. And being the smart one of the two, the horse starts yellin', 'Help me, help me, I'm stuck in a fuckin' swamp!' Obviously the chick goes to get help, 'cos what chicken can haul a huge-ass horse outta a swamp? So it runs back to the farm, but the farmer is gone and he took the tractor for some reason. Probably showin' off to the buck-toothed old lady that churns butter or some shit and gettin' laid. But the chick took the farmer's brand new Harley -though I'd kick its fuckin' ass if it had done that to me- and some rope and went back to the bog and used the Harley to get the horse out. So the horse says, 'Thank you, thank you I could've almost been glue.' Then another day the chick falls into the bog -like the stupid little shit it is- and starts sinking. So the chick says, ‘Help me, help me!’ And the horse steps a little bit in, spreading out his legs to get keep his balance and stuff 'cos that'd totally suck if both of them were stuck and says to the chick, ‘Grab my hangy-down thing!’ Which is the horse's stupidly long penis, right? So the chick does and the horse saves the chick who says, 'Thank you, thank you, I could've died.' Whatever, whatever."
"..."
"What?"
"Was there any point to that, Dean?"
"Well yeah. There's a moral to the story, cuntface. D'you know what it is?"
"....No."
"Oh come on, Sammy. You're tellin' me that for all your fancy college education you got nothing?"
"Dean. That was the stupidest story, ever. There is no moral to it."
"Yeah there is! You're just mad 'cos you can't figure it out."
"Then fine, tell me what it is."
"Dude, its so obvious. 'When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks.’"
"..."
"What d'you think? Wasn't that funny? Oh come on, Sam. Don't give me that look. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Don’t give me the lip, dude. Come on! Say somethin', it wasn't *that* bad."
"Dean. Never talk again."
"But it was funny! Come on, admit it. I'm hilarious. Should be a fuckin' comedian. Hey Sam, you think comedians bring in a lot of cash real easy? Then we wouldn't have to hustle, 'cos I know that breaks your little conscience's heart."
"Dean. Stop. Talking."
* * *
"Okay, okay, here's a good one, Sam. In West Virginia one day, a boy comes home from school and runs up to his dad all excited. He says he's found the perfect girl, tells his dad how she's pretty, smart, funny, nice, all that shit. So the dad asks, 'Is she a virgin?' And the kid says yeah, she is. So the father looks his boy in the eye and says, 'Son, if she ain't good enough for her family she ain't good enough for ours.’"
"Where the hell did you hear that one?"
"Back when we were in West Virginia, duh."
"…They told it as a joke?"
"No, they said it was a true story."
"Somebody. Save me."
* * *
"Little Red Riding Hood is about to leave for her grandmother's house, right? So-"
"Dean. Please tell me this isn't another cheesy joke."
"No! It's good, I promise."
"...Fine."
"Okay, so right before Red leaves, her momma tells her not to stray off the path 'cos otherwise the Big Bad Wolf is gonna fuck her brains out."
"I thought you said this was gonna be a good one!"
"It is! If you would stop *interrupting* me, you'd see it was good!"
"Jerk."
"Bitch. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. So she says, 'yeah, yeah I know.' So off she goes, and on the way she sees this family of deer. And the big ol' buck comes over to her and warns her not to stray off the path 'cos otherwise the Big Bad Wolf is gonna fuck her brains out. And she says, 'I know, I know, my momma told me.' So she keeps goin'. Then she sees a squirrel and the squirrel warns her not to stray off the path 'cos otherwise the Big Bad Wolf is gonna fuck her brains out. And again Red says, 'I know, I know, my momma and some deer told me.' So she keeps goin'. Then she sees this field of flowers and thinks that her grandmother would like some wildflowers, so she goes into the field, and off the path, to pick some flowers. Well, then the Big Bad Wolf decides to jump out and be all scary and shit. So the Wolf growls and grabs Red and says, 'I'm the Big Bad Wolf and I'm gonna fuck your brains out now'. And Red, smart little shit she is, turns around, lifts up her little skirt and says right back, 'No you're not. You're gonna eat me just like the story says!'"
"...Horrible. That was. Horrible. Why did I even let you open your mouth?"
"'Cos you know I'm right that its funny."
"Am I even related?"
"Well yeah. See a pretty girl who became our mom met this handsome guy who became our dad and they had the hots for each other, right? So after a date they-"
"Dean! That's one mental image I don't want in my head because of your big-ass mouth."
"Oh, but its a big-ass mouth all the girls love, Sammy."
"Dude. Shut. Up."
* * *
"So this one should appeal to you, Sam. It’s about your people."
"My people?"
"Yeah, just listen. So how many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
"...One, two?"
"No, none. 'Cos they all like to sit in the dark and cry about it. Then maybe write a song about it later."
"Wait- what does that have to do with 'my people'?"
"Emo kids. Duh. Okay, so why would you want your grass to be emo?"
"Hey, I'm not em-"
"Because then it'd cut itself. So this emo guy went to a bar, but got kicked out, wanna know why?"
"-o. You're just being stereotypically pigheaded and insensitive to everyone around you-"
"They kicked him out for Happy Hour."
"Dean!"
"What!?"
"...I hate you so much sometimes, I'm surprised I haven't killed you yet."
"No, emo kids don't kill other people, they kill themselves first."
"Dean!"