(no subject)
The problem with self reflection and realization is, of course, that you get to dig up all these neatly buried truths about yourself and stare them in the face. These things were buried for a reason and having been buried for a long time only made them uglier.
So now that I'm holding several soil-covered items of my own personality, I have to figure out what to do with them.
First on the list: diabetes.
It's not a huge revelation that I've had problems actually facing my diabetes. I go through spurts of interest where I am attentive to the disease and the lifestyle that is supposed to accompany it. But between those spurts, I barely acknowledge that I even have the condition and as a result, cause myself incalculable damage.
Giving me diabetes was like handing me a loaded gun in many ways. See, I'm an expert at things like self-delusion and escapism. Rather than face a problem and deal with it, my first reaction is usually to just pretend it isn't there an hope it goes away. Of course, problems only get worse when you deny their existence - diabetes doubly so. It's the kind of disease that does slow, inperceptable damage to your innards over many years of neglect.
Things are catching up to me though. It's time to start from scratch. I'm going to try and build up some of the habits I should have developed 10 years ago and hope that things haven't progressed beyond the point of no return.
Some things I hope to do:
So now that I'm holding several soil-covered items of my own personality, I have to figure out what to do with them.
First on the list: diabetes.
It's not a huge revelation that I've had problems actually facing my diabetes. I go through spurts of interest where I am attentive to the disease and the lifestyle that is supposed to accompany it. But between those spurts, I barely acknowledge that I even have the condition and as a result, cause myself incalculable damage.
Giving me diabetes was like handing me a loaded gun in many ways. See, I'm an expert at things like self-delusion and escapism. Rather than face a problem and deal with it, my first reaction is usually to just pretend it isn't there an hope it goes away. Of course, problems only get worse when you deny their existence - diabetes doubly so. It's the kind of disease that does slow, inperceptable damage to your innards over many years of neglect.
Things are catching up to me though. It's time to start from scratch. I'm going to try and build up some of the habits I should have developed 10 years ago and hope that things haven't progressed beyond the point of no return.
Some things I hope to do:
- keep a detailed log of food, insulin intake, and glucose readings
- try to eat like a diabetic instead of a mad pirate
- test at least 3 times a day (after each meal)
- actually get my insulin pump which means I have to actually go to my diabetes specialist