bound with all the weight of all the words she tried to say

[my___vcrbroke]

well, i fought with my brain for a bit, and realized that it couldn't be soo bad to go and meet up with james. he DID ask politely. so i walked out in the slushy snow-rain business, and walked up to the hydro feild and saw his silouhette. you know, i was all happy and bubbly thinking about seeing him, then when he was merely a few steps away, i got soooo nervous, and my insides turned into a knot. then he handed me a smoke and we talked about the weather. then i made a joke about how he only meets up with me in the dark [last time we met up was at about 9:30 and it was sooo dark until we got into the mall], then i think he felt bad, because he suggested we move under the street light. and i don't know what it is, but he always looks at me a certain way, stares directly into my eyes, and always has a grin on his face. and i never know what he's thinking, so i always look away. but today he made me look, and i couldn't. i got so nervous and red, and had to look down. he asked why i couldn't look at him, and i explained that i didn't know what he was thinking and it made me nervous, then he was all why do you care what people think? and i was all "i only care what you think". then he was being all crazy and told me to close my eyes and breathe. haha. then drew called, and james and i went our seperate ways. i gave him one of my drawings and he told me he was going to put it on his wall...i told him to just throw it out. *sigh* if i only he felt the same....but that would be asking for a lot, considering it's hard just to get together with him for fifteen minutes, he always has some excuse.... but we always say we have to hang out, and when the time arises, he always says he has to be somewhere else...... now i'm going to go lay down, since my head is pounding from thinking so much....something james and i also talked about..."you know, you think way too much"..."yeah, i do."...."just close your eyes, breathe. relax"......i'm going to be sleepless tonight.

so take what you want from me, you deserve it all