"... to tear it out of me in order to outgrow myself..."
The most difficult kind of dilemma is where you basically have to predict what a random person will do, in order to know whether you should do something or not. What's really odd is the fact that the choice should be more than simple, and if it weren't for one thing that keeps bothering me, I wouldn't even need to bother thinking about the whole deal over and over again.
I really wish I could say I don't care about certain things anymore... if I could only stop caring, everything would be so much simpler, I would be so much more content with my life... then again, I suppose that's the whole fun - never to be content with one's life.
I should stop making such a big deal out of everything (especially certain obsessions). I suppose it's just one of those utterly ridiculous things I could really do without, yet it seems rather important to me, for whatever reason - I suppose it keeps me sane, in a way, makes me feel better. I could never give up on certain things, not only because of what's behind me, but also because there would be (almost) nothing to look forward to.
I wish I could ignore the past four or five years completely, to just pretend they had never happened, to forget about everything, especially those pleasant things which are responsible for my continuous obsessing... to just not care...
I sometimes wish I could completely forget about everything that makes me even remotely happy, and be happy still.
I just need to finally realize that certain things are most definitely not the way I see them, the way I make them to be. If I don't realize it soon, I'll just end up getting hurt - by my own sub-consciousness (then again, what else is new?). I should be quite immune on that sort of emotional 'pain' by this time, but it's still something I'd prefer not to go through, if possible.
I really wish I could say I don't care about certain things anymore... if I could only stop caring, everything would be so much simpler, I would be so much more content with my life... then again, I suppose that's the whole fun - never to be content with one's life.
I should stop making such a big deal out of everything (especially certain obsessions). I suppose it's just one of those utterly ridiculous things I could really do without, yet it seems rather important to me, for whatever reason - I suppose it keeps me sane, in a way, makes me feel better. I could never give up on certain things, not only because of what's behind me, but also because there would be (almost) nothing to look forward to.
I wish I could ignore the past four or five years completely, to just pretend they had never happened, to forget about everything, especially those pleasant things which are responsible for my continuous obsessing... to just not care...
I sometimes wish I could completely forget about everything that makes me even remotely happy, and be happy still.
I just need to finally realize that certain things are most definitely not the way I see them, the way I make them to be. If I don't realize it soon, I'll just end up getting hurt - by my own sub-consciousness (then again, what else is new?). I should be quite immune on that sort of emotional 'pain' by this time, but it's still something I'd prefer not to go through, if possible.