M-O-N-D-A-Y S-U-C-K-S Monday sucks. Monday sucks.
I really wish I was still curled up in my nice warm bed right now. But, alas, I am sitting in class.
Nick broke my window last night. I’m not going to turn him in…whenever I get around to putting in the work order to have it fixed I’m just going to say that somebody threw something at it. If I still end up having to pay for it, Nick said that he would. I’m still relatively annoyed at the events of this past weekend. After I went to bed last night, Nick left me a message on IM that went something like: “I know we’re not on the best of terms right now with all the pranks and whatnot…” and went on with him saying he knew we’d already talked about it, but that he would really appreciate it if I didn’t put on the work order that he broke my window. I wasn’t PLANNING on it and I’m still not going to. Yeah…I’m not exactly happy with the way he’s treating me right now, but that’s no reason for me to get him in trouble. I’m a better friend to him than he is to me. (Why does it always work out like that? Does the name Dan Jones ring a bell?)
Everything about my room/door is trashed right now and most of it is because of the boys-especially my door. I’m really peeved by it. I’m such a neat-freak anymore, but I just don’t feel like cleaning it. I don’t feel much like doing anything right now. I suppose that has a little to do with the fact that I’m feeling like the two of them hate me or something. I don’t know. Not hate. But…something. I know they don’t…but I’m still feeling…abandoned? by the fact that they keep attacking me. I know they aren’t attacking ME…but it feels like it. I dunno. It just goes to show you how fragile I really am. I mean, come on, Nick taking Twinkles broke my heart. I just wish I was as important to the two of them as they are to me…especially in Nick’s case. There’s fine line between love and hate. Sometimes, I SERIOUSLY hate that kid. I just want to like…wring his neck or something. But other times…even when I’m angry with him…I just have to LOOK at him or he does something stupid and it’s all I can do to keep from smiling. I have to remind myself that I’m supposed to be mad at him.
Ten years ago today Kurt Cobain committed suicide. I’m not the biggest Nirvana fan now…nor was I then. (I was only eight, I don’t even think I knew who Nirvana was.) I still recognize Kurt Cobain as one of the most influential and important rock figures EVER. Just because I don’t like the music doesn’t mean I can’t admire the man. I’ve been reading a lot of the articles floating around this morning. Some are really interesting. These two guys think that there is a conspiracy surrounding his death and that Courtney Love had something to do with it. The facts they present seem viable enough (as far as Kurt having 3 times the lethal limit of heroin in his system…would he really have been able to pick up a shotgun, put it to his head, and pull the trigger?) It’s all kind of depressing. They talk about his genius and self-loathing. I guess it’s like other medical problems…people have things in various degrees. I’m not exactly the biggest fan of myself…but I’m not so bad that I punch mirrors ala Heroin Bob or put a shotgun to my head like Kurt Cobain. Not sure. As far as self-loathing goes…I’m doing a little better…but…eh. I think it’s something that will always be a part of me. I’m never going to be confident enough to love myself wholly. I’ll just shower those around me with love.
Speaking of which…even though I’m super pissed off at the two of them right now…I’d like to do something as a sort of going-away/have-a-nice-life kind of thing. I don’t really have any ideas, though so any suggestions are welcome.
Nick broke my window last night. I’m not going to turn him in…whenever I get around to putting in the work order to have it fixed I’m just going to say that somebody threw something at it. If I still end up having to pay for it, Nick said that he would. I’m still relatively annoyed at the events of this past weekend. After I went to bed last night, Nick left me a message on IM that went something like: “I know we’re not on the best of terms right now with all the pranks and whatnot…” and went on with him saying he knew we’d already talked about it, but that he would really appreciate it if I didn’t put on the work order that he broke my window. I wasn’t PLANNING on it and I’m still not going to. Yeah…I’m not exactly happy with the way he’s treating me right now, but that’s no reason for me to get him in trouble. I’m a better friend to him than he is to me. (Why does it always work out like that? Does the name Dan Jones ring a bell?)
Everything about my room/door is trashed right now and most of it is because of the boys-especially my door. I’m really peeved by it. I’m such a neat-freak anymore, but I just don’t feel like cleaning it. I don’t feel much like doing anything right now. I suppose that has a little to do with the fact that I’m feeling like the two of them hate me or something. I don’t know. Not hate. But…something. I know they don’t…but I’m still feeling…abandoned? by the fact that they keep attacking me. I know they aren’t attacking ME…but it feels like it. I dunno. It just goes to show you how fragile I really am. I mean, come on, Nick taking Twinkles broke my heart. I just wish I was as important to the two of them as they are to me…especially in Nick’s case. There’s fine line between love and hate. Sometimes, I SERIOUSLY hate that kid. I just want to like…wring his neck or something. But other times…even when I’m angry with him…I just have to LOOK at him or he does something stupid and it’s all I can do to keep from smiling. I have to remind myself that I’m supposed to be mad at him.
Ten years ago today Kurt Cobain committed suicide. I’m not the biggest Nirvana fan now…nor was I then. (I was only eight, I don’t even think I knew who Nirvana was.) I still recognize Kurt Cobain as one of the most influential and important rock figures EVER. Just because I don’t like the music doesn’t mean I can’t admire the man. I’ve been reading a lot of the articles floating around this morning. Some are really interesting. These two guys think that there is a conspiracy surrounding his death and that Courtney Love had something to do with it. The facts they present seem viable enough (as far as Kurt having 3 times the lethal limit of heroin in his system…would he really have been able to pick up a shotgun, put it to his head, and pull the trigger?) It’s all kind of depressing. They talk about his genius and self-loathing. I guess it’s like other medical problems…people have things in various degrees. I’m not exactly the biggest fan of myself…but I’m not so bad that I punch mirrors ala Heroin Bob or put a shotgun to my head like Kurt Cobain. Not sure. As far as self-loathing goes…I’m doing a little better…but…eh. I think it’s something that will always be a part of me. I’m never going to be confident enough to love myself wholly. I’ll just shower those around me with love.
Speaking of which…even though I’m super pissed off at the two of them right now…I’d like to do something as a sort of going-away/have-a-nice-life kind of thing. I don’t really have any ideas, though so any suggestions are welcome.