(no subject)
im seriously so confused about who i like its not even funny. like one minute ill be fantasizing over calvin and then one of my friends will bring up a guy i used to like and id think about him...its so fxcking odd..its unreal it makes me think that i can never get over any guy like ben asked me out again and i said no but like when i got home from school that day i regreted it ((for about 2 minutes)) i absolutely hate being single i like belonging to that one person and lay in bed at night knowing that when everything else goes wrong with life i know ill have at least that one person to go to. and i only felt that way with calvin. when i went out with ben i got so sick of him grabbing my ass and ignoring me it made want to spit in his face. here i go again complaining as usual. i try so hard for people to accept me and then i feel like shit again . like seriously i was so excited for christmas...not to sound like a bitch or anything but i didn't get anything. at least from my friends. i know i didn't get a lot of people anything because i spent over 300dollars (of my money) on people. i thought my hard work would pay off but it didn't. sometimes i feel like i don't even matter to anyone. i which sometimes i was invisible like i used to be. i hate it now cuz i have friends and i love them dearly but sometimes i just wanted to be treated like i actually matter...not just like any other friend on their list.