(no subject)
sometimes when i walk home late at night i'll walk down the middle of huntington
it's kind of cool to see the street deserted
the red and yellow lights flashing
everything so peaceful and quiet
not another car or person in sight
the truth is it's hard
you need this combination of characteristics to make it work with another person
mixing attraction with practicality
you know i like the punk boys but i need someone who will be able to be there financially in 10 years, you can't ignore that
you need someone who will be there with you, a partner
so as great as those pre-med boys look, the hours they are going to work, they are not going to be there
you want kids great, but they need two parents who will be there, long hours and working weekends, that's not going to fly
you need that guy who makes you happy just doin what he does, you need the guy who cares about you and wants to take care of you, you need the guy you can tell your secrets to and makes you feel good in your own skin just for being who you are
you need someone who sees you, really sees you
that's my biggest hold-up, deep down i don't think they see me
cause it's hard
cause i've been hurt, and not in the oh my bf broke up with me and that sucked kind of way
and broken people need other broken people, because people who haven't been hurt don't understand, and i don't mean that in a bad way, it just is what it is
no, they see what they want to see, and i guess to some extent it is who i am-this pretty girl who smells like vanilla with pretty clothes and pretty hair and nothing wrong and on some level i guess that is part of me, i wanted those things so i made them happen, but inside there's more than that and i wish that they saw that
and granted i don't have to think about any of this, becuase it doesn't matter right now
but i do think about it
because i want those things, the marriage and the kids and the little house at the beach
because i have been hurt
because i don't want to make a massive mistake because i was not looking at the situation rationally
but like i said, it's tough
it's kind of cool to see the street deserted
the red and yellow lights flashing
everything so peaceful and quiet
not another car or person in sight
the truth is it's hard
you need this combination of characteristics to make it work with another person
mixing attraction with practicality
you know i like the punk boys but i need someone who will be able to be there financially in 10 years, you can't ignore that
you need someone who will be there with you, a partner
so as great as those pre-med boys look, the hours they are going to work, they are not going to be there
you want kids great, but they need two parents who will be there, long hours and working weekends, that's not going to fly
you need that guy who makes you happy just doin what he does, you need the guy who cares about you and wants to take care of you, you need the guy you can tell your secrets to and makes you feel good in your own skin just for being who you are
you need someone who sees you, really sees you
that's my biggest hold-up, deep down i don't think they see me
cause it's hard
cause i've been hurt, and not in the oh my bf broke up with me and that sucked kind of way
and broken people need other broken people, because people who haven't been hurt don't understand, and i don't mean that in a bad way, it just is what it is
no, they see what they want to see, and i guess to some extent it is who i am-this pretty girl who smells like vanilla with pretty clothes and pretty hair and nothing wrong and on some level i guess that is part of me, i wanted those things so i made them happen, but inside there's more than that and i wish that they saw that
and granted i don't have to think about any of this, becuase it doesn't matter right now
but i do think about it
because i want those things, the marriage and the kids and the little house at the beach
because i have been hurt
because i don't want to make a massive mistake because i was not looking at the situation rationally
but like i said, it's tough