How long can you tread water?
26 days and counting, and more rain predicted for the forseeable future... Previous record was 33 days.
I can't find an audio version to link to, so you'll just have to do with the text.
Noah (3 skits)
by Bill Cosby
There's fella by the name of Noah
Built an ark
Everybody knows he built an ark.
You see
What Noah do? Well he built an ark
But very few people know about
The conversation that went on between the Lord and Noah
You see Noah was in his rec. room
Sewing away, he was making a few things for the home there.
He was a good carpenter
Noah!
Somebody call?
Whoompa, whoompa, whoompa
Noah!
Who is that?
It's the Lord, Noah
Right!
Where are ja?
What you want? I've been good.
I want you to build an Ark
Right!
Whats an Ark?
Get some wood build it
300 cubits by 80 cubits by 40 cubits
Right!
Whats a cubit?
Lets see a cubit...I used to know what a cubit was
Well don't worry about that Noah
When you get that done
Go out into the world and
Collect all of the animals in the world by twos
Male and female, and put them into the ark
Right!
Who is this really?
What's going on?
How come you want me to do all these weird things?
I'm going to destory the world
Right!
Am I on Candid Camera?
How you gonna do it?
I'm gonna make it rain for a thousand days and drown 'em right out
Right!
Listen to this, you'll save water
Let it rain for 40 days and 40 nights
And wait for the sewers back up
Right!
I just wondering,
What would be the effect of an Ark on the average neighbour?
Now, here's a guy going to work, 7 o'clock in the morning
Noahs next door neighbour and he sees the Ark.
Hey!
You up there!
What you want?
What is this?
It's an Ark
Aha
You wanna get it outta my driveway?
I gotta get to work
Listen, what this thing for anyway?
I can't tell you
Hahahahaha!
Well, I mean can't you give me a little hint?
You wanna a hint?
Yes, please
How long can you tread water?
Hahahah!
'Course Noah had a heck of a job really
He had to go out and collect
All the animals in the world, by two's
Two mosquitoes, male or female
And, uh, he had to keep telling the rabbits
Only two, only two, only two.
So we find Noah pulling up the last two animals
Two hippos and he's really in a hurry to get em up
Because hes afraid that the Lords gonna call him
And ask him to do something else
And his nevers are shot
This is one heck of a job for a man 600 years old
So we find him pulling up the two last hippos
And of course the Lord does call him there
Com'on fat hippos hurry up
Com'on will you please?
Noah!
What? What you want?
Gotta take one of those hippos out
And bring in another one
What for?
'Cause you got two males down there
And you need to bring in a female
I'm not bringin' nothin' in
You change one of em'
Com'on you know I don't work like that.
Well I'm sick and tired of this I've had enough of this stuff
I've been working all day
Working on it for days and days
I'm sick and tired of this
Noah!
Yeah?
How long can you tread water?
Yeah, well I got news for you
I'm sick and tired of this whole mess
The whole neigbourhood's out there laughing at me
They're all having a grand time
At good old old Noah there
I went out there at my best friend Larry
I've been talking to the Lord, Larry
Larry said
Oh, really
Yeah yeah
Lord, Larry, Larry, Lord
You walked off laughing
And I hear 'em all laughing at me
You know I'm the only guy in this neighbourhood with an Ark?
People around here laughing
Picket signs walking up and down
I'm sick and tired of this stuff here
People walking around here
How you doing Tarzan?
How's everything up there?.
Sick and tired of this mess here
You supposed to know all and see all
You let me go out there
And bring in a pregnant elephant
You give me no manual for delivery or nuthin'
Never told me the thing was pregnant
There's good old Naoh waitin' underneath the elephant there
Brrrrroooooooooom
Right on top
Sick and tired of this mess here
Had enough all this stuff
For you runnin' around
You supposed to know all and see all
Like I said before
You let me go out there and do all this stuff here
You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark
Have you looked down there?
No?
Who's gonna clean up that mess down there?
That's me
I tell you I've had enough of this stuff
I tell you what I'm gonna do
I'm letting all these animals out
And I'm gonna burn down this Ark
And I'm going to Florida somewhere
'Cause you haven't done nothin'
I'm sick and tired of all this mess
You foolin' around
And you haven't done nothing!
And you got it rainin'
It's not a shower is it?
Ok Lord me and you right
'Cause I knew it all the time"
I can't find an audio version to link to, so you'll just have to do with the text.
Noah (3 skits)
by Bill Cosby
There's fella by the name of Noah
Built an ark
Everybody knows he built an ark.
You see
What Noah do? Well he built an ark
But very few people know about
The conversation that went on between the Lord and Noah
You see Noah was in his rec. room
Sewing away, he was making a few things for the home there.
He was a good carpenter
Noah!
Somebody call?
Whoompa, whoompa, whoompa
Noah!
Who is that?
It's the Lord, Noah
Right!
Where are ja?
What you want? I've been good.
I want you to build an Ark
Right!
Whats an Ark?
Get some wood build it
300 cubits by 80 cubits by 40 cubits
Right!
Whats a cubit?
Lets see a cubit...I used to know what a cubit was
Well don't worry about that Noah
When you get that done
Go out into the world and
Collect all of the animals in the world by twos
Male and female, and put them into the ark
Right!
Who is this really?
What's going on?
How come you want me to do all these weird things?
I'm going to destory the world
Right!
Am I on Candid Camera?
How you gonna do it?
I'm gonna make it rain for a thousand days and drown 'em right out
Right!
Listen to this, you'll save water
Let it rain for 40 days and 40 nights
And wait for the sewers back up
Right!
I just wondering,
What would be the effect of an Ark on the average neighbour?
Now, here's a guy going to work, 7 o'clock in the morning
Noahs next door neighbour and he sees the Ark.
Hey!
You up there!
What you want?
What is this?
It's an Ark
Aha
You wanna get it outta my driveway?
I gotta get to work
Listen, what this thing for anyway?
I can't tell you
Hahahahaha!
Well, I mean can't you give me a little hint?
You wanna a hint?
Yes, please
How long can you tread water?
Hahahah!
'Course Noah had a heck of a job really
He had to go out and collect
All the animals in the world, by two's
Two mosquitoes, male or female
And, uh, he had to keep telling the rabbits
Only two, only two, only two.
So we find Noah pulling up the last two animals
Two hippos and he's really in a hurry to get em up
Because hes afraid that the Lords gonna call him
And ask him to do something else
And his nevers are shot
This is one heck of a job for a man 600 years old
So we find him pulling up the two last hippos
And of course the Lord does call him there
Com'on fat hippos hurry up
Com'on will you please?
Noah!
What? What you want?
Gotta take one of those hippos out
And bring in another one
What for?
'Cause you got two males down there
And you need to bring in a female
I'm not bringin' nothin' in
You change one of em'
Com'on you know I don't work like that.
Well I'm sick and tired of this I've had enough of this stuff
I've been working all day
Working on it for days and days
I'm sick and tired of this
Noah!
Yeah?
How long can you tread water?
Yeah, well I got news for you
I'm sick and tired of this whole mess
The whole neigbourhood's out there laughing at me
They're all having a grand time
At good old old Noah there
I went out there at my best friend Larry
I've been talking to the Lord, Larry
Larry said
Oh, really
Yeah yeah
Lord, Larry, Larry, Lord
You walked off laughing
And I hear 'em all laughing at me
You know I'm the only guy in this neighbourhood with an Ark?
People around here laughing
Picket signs walking up and down
I'm sick and tired of this stuff here
People walking around here
How you doing Tarzan?
How's everything up there?.
Sick and tired of this mess here
You supposed to know all and see all
You let me go out there
And bring in a pregnant elephant
You give me no manual for delivery or nuthin'
Never told me the thing was pregnant
There's good old Naoh waitin' underneath the elephant there
Brrrrroooooooooom
Right on top
Sick and tired of this mess here
Had enough all this stuff
For you runnin' around
You supposed to know all and see all
Like I said before
You let me go out there and do all this stuff here
You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark
Have you looked down there?
No?
Who's gonna clean up that mess down there?
That's me
I tell you I've had enough of this stuff
I tell you what I'm gonna do
I'm letting all these animals out
And I'm gonna burn down this Ark
And I'm going to Florida somewhere
'Cause you haven't done nothin'
I'm sick and tired of all this mess
You foolin' around
And you haven't done nothing!
And you got it rainin'
It's not a shower is it?
Ok Lord me and you right
'Cause I knew it all the time"