this is gonna sound really whiney- just a warning.

[muzzytank]

so i was driving today and i was thinking a lot and i have come to the conclusion that i am a shitty person.
i have no ambition or drive in life. i have no goals. i have no passion for anything. i feel like i dont do anything that helps anyone. i feel like everything i do is for myself and no one else. i would say that i am greedy. i feel like as opposed to helping society, i just leech from society. i just drink and hang out with my friends. and dont get me wrong, theres nothing wrong with doing that, but i feel like thats all that i do. i dont work, i cant stand going to school. i am doing horrible in my math class. i am so critical of others when i myself am not doing all that well. i lie, steal, and mooch.
but the thing is, i dont want anyone to feel sorry for me, because that would just make everything worse. i should not be felt sorry for. i really have it pretty easy. i have parents that care and give me so much and i still treat them like shit. i have it too fucking easy. i need to get my act together. but i dont know what to do. i think that if i went to paris, things could go two different ways: things could get a lot better, or a lot worse. but i also feel like i dont deserve to go to paris because of the way i have been acting. i feel so self-centered. and i feel like an idiot.
i also feel like i hold too much back when it comes to the way i interact with others. i keep secrets. i keep a lot of thoughts to myself. and because of this no one seems to know me at all. shit, i dont even know myself either. i even lie to myself.

fuck, that was really whiney. i am sorry people.