A sick cebu, a sad cebu, and a mute cebu
So I was musing tonight and Star told me i had to write it into a story, so here goes!
This is the story of Dapper Mr Stuffington III and his dashing brother, Dastardlicus.
One day a mother corgi had given birth. But she did not just birth any old corgis, oh no. This particular corgi mother gave birth to two- only two- special corgi puppies. One named Mr. Stuffington III (who was not actually named after anyone particular, but they decided he should be the third generation of something) and his brother, Dastardlicus. Upon their births, Mr Stuffington III and Dastardlicus did something quite unusual. Mr Stuffington III immediately found a tophat and Monacle. The parents found this quite amusing and let their dapper son keep his dashing new outfit. Dastardlicus, on the other hand, grew a mighty handlebar mustache as soon as his brother donned the hat and monacle. This was the very beginning of their rivalry, for you see Dastardlicus envied his brother's top hat from the first moment he put it on.
As time progressed, they fell into their every day lives. Mr Stuffington III Became a handsome gentleman, very dapper, very polite and very rich. His brother Dastardlicus became an accomplished theif and con man, also very rich. Every once in a while, out of spite, Dastardlicus would steal away whatever woman was on Stuffington III's arm and tie her to railroad tracks, cackling the whole time. There would be a fierce duel with canes, Dastardlicus being a very accomplished fencer, and Mr Stuffington III being a gentleman, also knew his way around fencing as all gentleman should. The duel would last a while! Oh the amazing things that would happen. They would dash here and there, on top of buildings and in the town square! The whole town would show up for the show, always rooting for the dapper gentleman, while booing Dastardlicus. And each and every time Dastardlicus would become disarmed and Mr Stuffington III would take his girl off the tracks just in time for the train to pass.
This happened on a weekly basis- he may be a gentleman, but he sure went though the ladies rather quickly. Eventually they would want too much for a gentleman to handle! He had no choice! So every week he was with a new lady, always proper and nice like a lady should be! Just how he liked them, lady-like. He would try and protect them from his unruly brother but eventually Dastardlcus' perserverence would pay off and he would sweep them away while Mr Stuffington III was unaware.
One day, on a particularly boring night, Dastardlicus had just finished a dashing bank robbery and had just put his loot away in his hideout when he spotted Dastardlicus' newest lady just walking down the street. It was perfect! He rubbed his handlebar mustache between his fingers and giggled an evil giggle. He slinked off into the dark as his kind normally do, what with all the villainy and whatnot, and kidnapped the beautiful.. Miss.. ..cospletta. Yes. He kidnapped the lovely Miss Cospletta and tied her to a railroad track! Oh his brother wouldn't win this time, this time he had a plan! He would certainly win this time. He sat next to the tracks, waiting for his brother to show. He waited and waited, and soon it was 4 o'clock, time for the train! But still his brother wasn't there. chooga chooga chooga chooga! The train closed in on Miss Cospletta, closer and closer it came! Was his brother not going to save his lady? Well this certainly was not fun, thought Dastardlicus. where was his brother? He surely couldn't just let the train squish this fair lady without a due battle. Just before the train smashed Miss Cospletta, he jumped in, untied her, and set her upright next to the track. She ran off towards town, but he was troubled. Where was his brother? Why would he let him squish his lady with a train and not show? did he not find this one as attractive as the others? Maybe she was annoying? Well, they most certainly were mostly annoying to him, those squalling ladies and their terrible grasp of the english language. But enough of that, where was his brother? He had to find out, so he started in to town to find his missing brother.
CHAPTER TWO
Upon his arrival into town square, he noticed nothing out of the ordinary. everyone was milling about their business. The people that noticed him checked the watch to see if it was time for a duel show. Surely it was well past 4 o'clock, why was there no dashing show? Well, Dastardlicus was wondering this as well! he trudged up to his brother's mansion, cane in hand, and swung the doors open wide. inside, oh! What a surprise! There were bandits inside, and they had caught Mr Stuffington III off guard in the bath and tied him up! The leader of this gang was currently assaulting Mr. Stuffington, whacking him in the head and knocking off his monacle. Oh the humanity! WELL. Dastardlicus could not have any of this. "What are you doing with my brother, you unbearable twits? We had an appointment!" "Oh dear, chap, terribly sorry" piped his brother "I do so hope you did not squish my dear lady Cospletta?" "Of course not, not until i've won good and proper." "WELL." interrupted the bandit leader "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we're going to be killing your brother and taking all his riches!" "Well you most are not! They are mine to take, he is mine to kill! You will all leave immediately, or i will be forced to take action against this! you are infringing on MY Time with my brother!". The bandits drew their guns and swords, but Dastardlicus was very skilled! He dodged and fliped nimbly around, dodging here and there, dispatching the villains one by one! Oh the skill, like a deadly ballerina he weaved in and out, smacking the guns out of their hands, and easily overcoming the ones with swords with his fencing cane! When all but the leader was left, he stood there, cane pointed "NOW RELEASE MY BROTHER, OR I SAY, I WILL HAVE TO GET UNPLEASANT". The bandit leader was unsure what to do, for he was an accomplished fencer as well, but surely not THAT good. He did have an advantave, however, he had a sword, not just a cane! This bolstered his confidence "Well, i think you're going to have to come and get him!" Oh the battle that ensued! Oh the property damage that happened! Mr Stuffington called to his brother, pleading for him not to break the fine vases and paintings that were quite expensive to aquire. After quite a bit of property damage, Dastardlicus had enough. This poor excuse for a gentleman was no match for him, and though he let the fight go on just as spite for not being there today, he had enough. he blocked the bandit's blade with his cane and with a quick motion, pulled the head off his cane to reveal a sword! Oh boy, someone's going to die! The bandit leader quickly peed himself and tried to run off, but Dastardlicus would have none of this. He threw his sword cane like a spear, pinning the bandit leader to a pillar by his shirt collar. "Well we've had quite enough of that haven't we?" Said Stuffington III "You let that go on far too long! Look at my house! Why are you here anyway, brother? Why not let them kill me?" "Well the truth be told, brother, i've only been wicked to you all these years for want of your hat. I have been jealous since we were pups! you with that fancy hat here, and none for me! I should kill you now and take it for myself!" "Well why didn't you say so, dear brother! I have spare hats that you could have!" This took Dastardlicus by surprise "you mean.. you would GIVE me a hat? Of my very own?" "Why of course dear brother, we are family after all! But I do have to ask sir Dastardlicus, why not buy a hat of your own? you are exceptionally rich as i am!" "I never thought to, i suppose!"
And they lived happily ever after.
This is the story of Dapper Mr Stuffington III and his dashing brother, Dastardlicus.
One day a mother corgi had given birth. But she did not just birth any old corgis, oh no. This particular corgi mother gave birth to two- only two- special corgi puppies. One named Mr. Stuffington III (who was not actually named after anyone particular, but they decided he should be the third generation of something) and his brother, Dastardlicus. Upon their births, Mr Stuffington III and Dastardlicus did something quite unusual. Mr Stuffington III immediately found a tophat and Monacle. The parents found this quite amusing and let their dapper son keep his dashing new outfit. Dastardlicus, on the other hand, grew a mighty handlebar mustache as soon as his brother donned the hat and monacle. This was the very beginning of their rivalry, for you see Dastardlicus envied his brother's top hat from the first moment he put it on.
As time progressed, they fell into their every day lives. Mr Stuffington III Became a handsome gentleman, very dapper, very polite and very rich. His brother Dastardlicus became an accomplished theif and con man, also very rich. Every once in a while, out of spite, Dastardlicus would steal away whatever woman was on Stuffington III's arm and tie her to railroad tracks, cackling the whole time. There would be a fierce duel with canes, Dastardlicus being a very accomplished fencer, and Mr Stuffington III being a gentleman, also knew his way around fencing as all gentleman should. The duel would last a while! Oh the amazing things that would happen. They would dash here and there, on top of buildings and in the town square! The whole town would show up for the show, always rooting for the dapper gentleman, while booing Dastardlicus. And each and every time Dastardlicus would become disarmed and Mr Stuffington III would take his girl off the tracks just in time for the train to pass.
This happened on a weekly basis- he may be a gentleman, but he sure went though the ladies rather quickly. Eventually they would want too much for a gentleman to handle! He had no choice! So every week he was with a new lady, always proper and nice like a lady should be! Just how he liked them, lady-like. He would try and protect them from his unruly brother but eventually Dastardlcus' perserverence would pay off and he would sweep them away while Mr Stuffington III was unaware.
One day, on a particularly boring night, Dastardlicus had just finished a dashing bank robbery and had just put his loot away in his hideout when he spotted Dastardlicus' newest lady just walking down the street. It was perfect! He rubbed his handlebar mustache between his fingers and giggled an evil giggle. He slinked off into the dark as his kind normally do, what with all the villainy and whatnot, and kidnapped the beautiful.. Miss.. ..cospletta. Yes. He kidnapped the lovely Miss Cospletta and tied her to a railroad track! Oh his brother wouldn't win this time, this time he had a plan! He would certainly win this time. He sat next to the tracks, waiting for his brother to show. He waited and waited, and soon it was 4 o'clock, time for the train! But still his brother wasn't there. chooga chooga chooga chooga! The train closed in on Miss Cospletta, closer and closer it came! Was his brother not going to save his lady? Well this certainly was not fun, thought Dastardlicus. where was his brother? He surely couldn't just let the train squish this fair lady without a due battle. Just before the train smashed Miss Cospletta, he jumped in, untied her, and set her upright next to the track. She ran off towards town, but he was troubled. Where was his brother? Why would he let him squish his lady with a train and not show? did he not find this one as attractive as the others? Maybe she was annoying? Well, they most certainly were mostly annoying to him, those squalling ladies and their terrible grasp of the english language. But enough of that, where was his brother? He had to find out, so he started in to town to find his missing brother.
CHAPTER TWO
Upon his arrival into town square, he noticed nothing out of the ordinary. everyone was milling about their business. The people that noticed him checked the watch to see if it was time for a duel show. Surely it was well past 4 o'clock, why was there no dashing show? Well, Dastardlicus was wondering this as well! he trudged up to his brother's mansion, cane in hand, and swung the doors open wide. inside, oh! What a surprise! There were bandits inside, and they had caught Mr Stuffington III off guard in the bath and tied him up! The leader of this gang was currently assaulting Mr. Stuffington, whacking him in the head and knocking off his monacle. Oh the humanity! WELL. Dastardlicus could not have any of this. "What are you doing with my brother, you unbearable twits? We had an appointment!" "Oh dear, chap, terribly sorry" piped his brother "I do so hope you did not squish my dear lady Cospletta?" "Of course not, not until i've won good and proper." "WELL." interrupted the bandit leader "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we're going to be killing your brother and taking all his riches!" "Well you most are not! They are mine to take, he is mine to kill! You will all leave immediately, or i will be forced to take action against this! you are infringing on MY Time with my brother!". The bandits drew their guns and swords, but Dastardlicus was very skilled! He dodged and fliped nimbly around, dodging here and there, dispatching the villains one by one! Oh the skill, like a deadly ballerina he weaved in and out, smacking the guns out of their hands, and easily overcoming the ones with swords with his fencing cane! When all but the leader was left, he stood there, cane pointed "NOW RELEASE MY BROTHER, OR I SAY, I WILL HAVE TO GET UNPLEASANT". The bandit leader was unsure what to do, for he was an accomplished fencer as well, but surely not THAT good. He did have an advantave, however, he had a sword, not just a cane! This bolstered his confidence "Well, i think you're going to have to come and get him!" Oh the battle that ensued! Oh the property damage that happened! Mr Stuffington called to his brother, pleading for him not to break the fine vases and paintings that were quite expensive to aquire. After quite a bit of property damage, Dastardlicus had enough. This poor excuse for a gentleman was no match for him, and though he let the fight go on just as spite for not being there today, he had enough. he blocked the bandit's blade with his cane and with a quick motion, pulled the head off his cane to reveal a sword! Oh boy, someone's going to die! The bandit leader quickly peed himself and tried to run off, but Dastardlicus would have none of this. He threw his sword cane like a spear, pinning the bandit leader to a pillar by his shirt collar. "Well we've had quite enough of that haven't we?" Said Stuffington III "You let that go on far too long! Look at my house! Why are you here anyway, brother? Why not let them kill me?" "Well the truth be told, brother, i've only been wicked to you all these years for want of your hat. I have been jealous since we were pups! you with that fancy hat here, and none for me! I should kill you now and take it for myself!" "Well why didn't you say so, dear brother! I have spare hats that you could have!" This took Dastardlicus by surprise "you mean.. you would GIVE me a hat? Of my very own?" "Why of course dear brother, we are family after all! But I do have to ask sir Dastardlicus, why not buy a hat of your own? you are exceptionally rich as i am!" "I never thought to, i suppose!"
And they lived happily ever after.