procrastinating...
I've noticed that after all the years of procrastinating, I haven't improved. I think it's actually getting worse. I should be writing a paper, well I should have written a paper. It was due on tuesday, still haven't started. Yes, I know. I'm insane.
I don't know why I'm signed on here, reading old entries. They don't exactly inspire me to write, I don't kno what they do. It's weird how things can change so drastically within a year. All of my feelings... I'm no where near the person I was a year ago. And to think that a year ago at this time, I was with Pablo. Wow. Como pasa el tiempo.
I am very proud to say that I have been extremely happy for the past two months or so. Or maybe since I left to Costa Rica... But I've been happy. And I'm happy all by myself. It's funny how I mention after every break up that I want to be by myself, and this time I'm actually sticking to it. This is the longest I've been without a boyfriend, without even talking to someone. I have absolutely no ties to anyone, and oddly, I think I can say I really don't have a strong interest in anyone either. It sounds strange, and, well, it is. I have a crush on my sound recording professor and piano professor. It's the first time I do that to. I have never been attracted to a teacher before so that's pretty weird. But I don't know. I don't have much a love life lately, and it doesn't bug me. I'm happy where I'm at right now. I really am. Except for the whole unfinished (or unstarted...LoL) paper... that's the only thing that has really been bugging me lately. And it's so stupid of me because I have had time to work on it but I just can't get myself to write anything.
Why do I do this? I guess I should use this experience to learn from it so I won't do it on my next paper. Why has this happened.
*The first thing I can come up with is procrastination. I looked for books pretty early on, didn't wait too long to do that, but I never started reading them.
*I didn't do a rough draft, major mistake, and didn't show up to a peer review which makes up 2.5% of my total grade. That can me a major difference in my final grade. I hope that doesn't screw it all up.
*I avoid it. It's more than procrastination. I've noticed that I will decide to work on it, sit at my computer, do some research, but every time I open up word to begin, I don't. I just stare at the screen until I fall asleep or, I dunno. But i have to admit that I haven't really even tried to type. I've never even tried to write the first sentence. I did a one page rough draft but even then, I had so little information on the whole subject that it wasn't like I could write much anyway..
* This leads up to the fact that although I have done some research, I really haven't read too much about it. When I diid my paper on the Iraq war for Walpole, it came out awesome. He loved it. He said it was the best in the class and that's saying alot from Walpole. At least to me. ( but the greatest compliment from him had to be when he called me a writer, I never thought I really had the talent to write until he told me so, and I truly felt inspired by that) but what i did differently from that paper and all the othe rresearch papers I have failed to do... I read a lot of material. I mean tons. I think my bibliography for Walpole's paper was about 4 pages long. I had gathered information from all over the place. It was kool. But I haven't dedicated time to this paper, which ultimately means that I don't know squat about my topic.
* I think what is also very disappointing in all of this is that as much as I have prayed for help, inspiration, and guidance, I haven't tried to put any effort into this. That is what I am lacking. Determination to get this done. Why haven't I done it? There is really no answer. I have made time and had time already to work on it but I always try to think of something else to do. When I was giving today's class, I realized something. I need to think more of my future and my children every time I lack the want to do something. President Kimball said that if you educate a woman, you educate a family. Am I trying to educate myself to my fullest extent. Can I do more than this?? Of course!
Well then, what am I waiting for?? LoL. I'll stop avoiding it and finish analyzing my situation after my paper is done.
=) It was nice writing to ya...LoL. chau.
I don't know why I'm signed on here, reading old entries. They don't exactly inspire me to write, I don't kno what they do. It's weird how things can change so drastically within a year. All of my feelings... I'm no where near the person I was a year ago. And to think that a year ago at this time, I was with Pablo. Wow. Como pasa el tiempo.
I am very proud to say that I have been extremely happy for the past two months or so. Or maybe since I left to Costa Rica... But I've been happy. And I'm happy all by myself. It's funny how I mention after every break up that I want to be by myself, and this time I'm actually sticking to it. This is the longest I've been without a boyfriend, without even talking to someone. I have absolutely no ties to anyone, and oddly, I think I can say I really don't have a strong interest in anyone either. It sounds strange, and, well, it is. I have a crush on my sound recording professor and piano professor. It's the first time I do that to. I have never been attracted to a teacher before so that's pretty weird. But I don't know. I don't have much a love life lately, and it doesn't bug me. I'm happy where I'm at right now. I really am. Except for the whole unfinished (or unstarted...LoL) paper... that's the only thing that has really been bugging me lately. And it's so stupid of me because I have had time to work on it but I just can't get myself to write anything.
Why do I do this? I guess I should use this experience to learn from it so I won't do it on my next paper. Why has this happened.
*The first thing I can come up with is procrastination. I looked for books pretty early on, didn't wait too long to do that, but I never started reading them.
*I didn't do a rough draft, major mistake, and didn't show up to a peer review which makes up 2.5% of my total grade. That can me a major difference in my final grade. I hope that doesn't screw it all up.
*I avoid it. It's more than procrastination. I've noticed that I will decide to work on it, sit at my computer, do some research, but every time I open up word to begin, I don't. I just stare at the screen until I fall asleep or, I dunno. But i have to admit that I haven't really even tried to type. I've never even tried to write the first sentence. I did a one page rough draft but even then, I had so little information on the whole subject that it wasn't like I could write much anyway..
* This leads up to the fact that although I have done some research, I really haven't read too much about it. When I diid my paper on the Iraq war for Walpole, it came out awesome. He loved it. He said it was the best in the class and that's saying alot from Walpole. At least to me. ( but the greatest compliment from him had to be when he called me a writer, I never thought I really had the talent to write until he told me so, and I truly felt inspired by that) but what i did differently from that paper and all the othe rresearch papers I have failed to do... I read a lot of material. I mean tons. I think my bibliography for Walpole's paper was about 4 pages long. I had gathered information from all over the place. It was kool. But I haven't dedicated time to this paper, which ultimately means that I don't know squat about my topic.
* I think what is also very disappointing in all of this is that as much as I have prayed for help, inspiration, and guidance, I haven't tried to put any effort into this. That is what I am lacking. Determination to get this done. Why haven't I done it? There is really no answer. I have made time and had time already to work on it but I always try to think of something else to do. When I was giving today's class, I realized something. I need to think more of my future and my children every time I lack the want to do something. President Kimball said that if you educate a woman, you educate a family. Am I trying to educate myself to my fullest extent. Can I do more than this?? Of course!
Well then, what am I waiting for?? LoL. I'll stop avoiding it and finish analyzing my situation after my paper is done.
=) It was nice writing to ya...LoL. chau.