Bored at work
Okay, so as my subject shows, I'm bored at work. I got a lot of sleep last night but I'm really achy which is making this last hour DRAG by! Anyway, have you every come to the conclusion that you don't deserve to be with someone? I've slowly been realizing this over the last month or so. Erin and I fought two days before and two days after Valentine's Day. I feel so horrible because it's always apparently my fault because I let stupid things bother me. Honestly, I don't feel like not listening to me is a stupid thing, but others have disagreed with me. Anyway, I just feel like Erin deserves better than me, but she doesn't see it. Plus I've been super depressed about my life, between my job and financial earnings, my appearance, my livelihood. I'm working in the only four star, four diamond hotel in the county, and they're paying us 2 star salary. I hate how I look, I hate it that I'm fat and can't do anything about it. I hate that I ache ALL the time. If it's not my knees, it's my feet, or my hips or shoulders or hands. I'm sick of it all. Then there's the problems with Erin that are getting to me too. The fact that her mom was supposed to start a lawsuit with the company of the guy that hit Erin's truck and caused her to lose her job. Erin's mom doesn't seem to give a shit that her daughter is unemployed and that she has to pay for all of Erin's bills. Oh, did I mention that I'm also tired of having to say 'goodbye' to Erin every night because we don't live together? I get so depressed whenever I see her leave that I cry myself to sleep. Our goal was to be living together by now and we're not because of our job status. In any case, now that I'm depressed all over again as I was this morning, I'm going to go back to work and pretend do be doing something, even though all I'm doing is sitting here staring at the walls...