bitch bitch bitch bitch. If you don't like it, I don't care.
I can’t remember the last time I was this upset. Especially for no reason. I hate having to work all the time. I hate never having enough money. I hate being busy. I hate not being a part of campus.
I’m seriously considering quitting school or transferring. I only want a degree right now so that I can be a part of Teach for America. If I don’t get a position with them, I’m going to have a really hard time forcing myself to go back to school next semester. I don’t have enough time to do homework. I don’t have enough money for books. No one really seems to want me at Albion or care about me. I know I’m going to get a lot of emails/posts about that, but really, there’s nothing you can say to make me feel otherwise. My closest friends now are Shane, Jeff, and Cassie, and Cassie’s in the hospital. I don’t even know if I want to stay in SAI. I don’t feel like I can be a part of the chapter after what happened with nationals, and I don’t know that I want to be a part of an organization that can have so little disregard for its members and officers and be so two-faced. Maybe that makes me a bad sport, but really I think it makes me human.
I can tell right now that DB and I are going to come to blows before the end of the year. He is the reason I’m not in jazz band anymore. If he had shown any inclination of wanting me in the ensemble, I would have stayed, but instead all he could talk about was how unreliable I was last semester. Yes, I had a bad semester in the Spring. Yes, I have had issues with depression and still do. Yes, I have financial troubles. But you know what? If you have a problem with it, fuck you. I do my best. I do more than most adults that work at the school. I’m tired of being thrown into the mold of “mythical Albion student” with the rest of the student body. Know what faculty and staff of AC? Most students at Albion are not from a two-parent upper middle class white family with 2.2 kids, a dog and cat, two cars (one of which is an SUV) and whose parents went to Albion and are now doctors, lawyers, or accountants. Until you understand that, BITE ME.
I’m tired of relying so much on my parents. I talk to them way too much, but I don’t have anyone else I can relate to. Really. I wanted to talk tonight on my way home from work because I was really upset, but my mom was busy, my dad didn’t answer the phone, I got Drew’s voicemail, and Jim hasn’t really talked to me since before school started. I was going to call Shane, but I figured he didn’t need to hear me upset. Plus, if I had talked to him, I would probably have ended up imbibing more than I needed to and would be rather drunk right now. Which, honestly, I’m ok with, other than the fact that I haven’t been to any classes besides orchestra this week. I just haven’t had the energy. From Friday - Sunday of this weekend I worked 28 and a half hours between two jobs. Six of those hours were in Flint, which I had to drive to with the creepy and annoying newbie. On Sunday alone I worked for 15 and a half hours; 9 and a half of them at RadioShack without a break. Jeff was going to order pizza during inventory so I didn’t take a break when the store was open, and then he forgot or something. I don’t know what happened, but I’m actually surprised I was capable of driving when I got off work.
My mom may have a job. Woo. Go her. I hope she does so that she can help me out. If not, well, I’m not exactly sure what will happen. I need help financially so that I can get caught up. Stupid car accident and other issues from this summer. I’m still pissed as hell about that, but I can’t do anything about it. I bought some Smirnoff triple black tonight. I don’t usually drink on school nights, but I needed it tonight. Before orchestra I had to actually restrain myself from hitting or kicking walls and doors, and things didn’t get much better after working with stupid kids that were demanding and had such a sense of entitlement that I wanted to entitle them all the way to Michigan Ave with my foot, I needed something. I still need something, but I don’t want to be hung over tomorrow. Music History is bad enough at 9 in the morning without textbooks anyway.
Hopefully by the end of the week I’ll have DSL in my apartment. It will eventually save me money and time, but right now I feel like it’s a luxury I shouldn’t afford. However my GPA can’t afford for me to continue to operate without internet access. In case nobody’s figured it out, I found a new boy to be the subject of my attentions. We’ll see what comes of it. If you can figure out who it is, kudos to you. If not, too bad for you. I don’t know what will happen, and I don’t know what I want to happen, but I sure to have fin talking to him. I’ve decided not to listen to my mom or I’d never be allowed to talk to him. Oh, and she also thinks that Coca Cola is better for you than wine or beer. It’s not. She’s just a psycho-religious after being at Garrett for three years.
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. If you don’t like it, I don’t want to know.
I’m seriously considering quitting school or transferring. I only want a degree right now so that I can be a part of Teach for America. If I don’t get a position with them, I’m going to have a really hard time forcing myself to go back to school next semester. I don’t have enough time to do homework. I don’t have enough money for books. No one really seems to want me at Albion or care about me. I know I’m going to get a lot of emails/posts about that, but really, there’s nothing you can say to make me feel otherwise. My closest friends now are Shane, Jeff, and Cassie, and Cassie’s in the hospital. I don’t even know if I want to stay in SAI. I don’t feel like I can be a part of the chapter after what happened with nationals, and I don’t know that I want to be a part of an organization that can have so little disregard for its members and officers and be so two-faced. Maybe that makes me a bad sport, but really I think it makes me human.
I can tell right now that DB and I are going to come to blows before the end of the year. He is the reason I’m not in jazz band anymore. If he had shown any inclination of wanting me in the ensemble, I would have stayed, but instead all he could talk about was how unreliable I was last semester. Yes, I had a bad semester in the Spring. Yes, I have had issues with depression and still do. Yes, I have financial troubles. But you know what? If you have a problem with it, fuck you. I do my best. I do more than most adults that work at the school. I’m tired of being thrown into the mold of “mythical Albion student” with the rest of the student body. Know what faculty and staff of AC? Most students at Albion are not from a two-parent upper middle class white family with 2.2 kids, a dog and cat, two cars (one of which is an SUV) and whose parents went to Albion and are now doctors, lawyers, or accountants. Until you understand that, BITE ME.
I’m tired of relying so much on my parents. I talk to them way too much, but I don’t have anyone else I can relate to. Really. I wanted to talk tonight on my way home from work because I was really upset, but my mom was busy, my dad didn’t answer the phone, I got Drew’s voicemail, and Jim hasn’t really talked to me since before school started. I was going to call Shane, but I figured he didn’t need to hear me upset. Plus, if I had talked to him, I would probably have ended up imbibing more than I needed to and would be rather drunk right now. Which, honestly, I’m ok with, other than the fact that I haven’t been to any classes besides orchestra this week. I just haven’t had the energy. From Friday - Sunday of this weekend I worked 28 and a half hours between two jobs. Six of those hours were in Flint, which I had to drive to with the creepy and annoying newbie. On Sunday alone I worked for 15 and a half hours; 9 and a half of them at RadioShack without a break. Jeff was going to order pizza during inventory so I didn’t take a break when the store was open, and then he forgot or something. I don’t know what happened, but I’m actually surprised I was capable of driving when I got off work.
My mom may have a job. Woo. Go her. I hope she does so that she can help me out. If not, well, I’m not exactly sure what will happen. I need help financially so that I can get caught up. Stupid car accident and other issues from this summer. I’m still pissed as hell about that, but I can’t do anything about it. I bought some Smirnoff triple black tonight. I don’t usually drink on school nights, but I needed it tonight. Before orchestra I had to actually restrain myself from hitting or kicking walls and doors, and things didn’t get much better after working with stupid kids that were demanding and had such a sense of entitlement that I wanted to entitle them all the way to Michigan Ave with my foot, I needed something. I still need something, but I don’t want to be hung over tomorrow. Music History is bad enough at 9 in the morning without textbooks anyway.
Hopefully by the end of the week I’ll have DSL in my apartment. It will eventually save me money and time, but right now I feel like it’s a luxury I shouldn’t afford. However my GPA can’t afford for me to continue to operate without internet access. In case nobody’s figured it out, I found a new boy to be the subject of my attentions. We’ll see what comes of it. If you can figure out who it is, kudos to you. If not, too bad for you. I don’t know what will happen, and I don’t know what I want to happen, but I sure to have fin talking to him. I’ve decided not to listen to my mom or I’d never be allowed to talk to him. Oh, and she also thinks that Coca Cola is better for you than wine or beer. It’s not. She’s just a psycho-religious after being at Garrett for three years.
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. If you don’t like it, I don’t want to know.