(no subject)
iiiiii don't geeet iiiiiit. WHY ARE YOU SUCH A WEENIE!?! doooone. done dizzle. can't stand men. nope. no. not anymore.
why obsess? keep you heart! i don't want it! i'll just break it. you know i'm clumsy like that. you thought i was graceful? how deceiving of me. that's my fault. slap on the wrist. garsh. i gotta stop doing that. i didn't though! you did. it was your choice. maybe you know. because you recanted. thought/said "is this too much? that was too much..." what did you want me to say? no! well...i did. still think it was sweet. but maybe i'm just a sucker. i don't feel the way you feel about me. i don't want a forever with you. i want you to forever be in my life. you're sweet, generous...but i still cannot bring myself to that place. it's wrong. stop loving me. being in love with me. it's unrequited. is that the way you want it? i told you i don't want to hurt you anymore. but i still am. ugh. such a problem. very problematic. we can't do this. i'll let you know. i'll tell you...it needs to stop. what is this? it's not just friendship. i feel like you've got a GRIP on me. you can't. i told you i'm not yours. i'm no one's. just me. by myself. standing alone. i'm not interested in being your girl. i know...i know. it's hard. just want some other human comfort. touch. we all need to be touched. i can't do it to you. i'm ready to pull away. are you? you will hate me. there's a part of you that already does. but i'm some sort of weird addiction. i'm not even that pretty. not that smart. or special. i'm not special. don't think that i am. maybe you've learned from me but take it as a lesson...look into it deeper. i'm not COMING BACK TO YOU. NOT. i wish you understood. but. i have no fairy godmother. no time to waste on fantasy. and you do understand. to a point. but you want to ignore your inner voice. please don't. it's far wiser than you know. i can even hear it SCREAMING: STOP! NO! don't give her your affections. she's going to crush you. put you out like a 7 minute cigarette. she's not coming back to you. don't keep doing this to yourself. move on. DANGER DANGER!
then you. you fucking asshole. why can't you change? why do we have to repeat this cycle again and again? why do we see each other? love each other? to no avail! it's a useless relationship. a dead end. do we forget? i don't forget...because i wanted things to change. thought that "love is free". but you tried to hold me down! why?! motherfucker. i've got so many questions still. why've you got to be so damn complicated? there a set way in your mind. how would i know unless you verbalize? you think i read mind?! yours is a fortress. i can't get in. and your heart...has a mote around it. i'm swimming with the alligators. you wouldn't save me if they had me by the arm. i know. duuuuumb. i just want to cry. mourn you. as i do. over and over. i'm a widow already.
which cup to drink from today? certainly not the dust covered one. look to the future. even if you don't know what's there. worth discovering.
!!!!!!!
i'm freezing.
why obsess? keep you heart! i don't want it! i'll just break it. you know i'm clumsy like that. you thought i was graceful? how deceiving of me. that's my fault. slap on the wrist. garsh. i gotta stop doing that. i didn't though! you did. it was your choice. maybe you know. because you recanted. thought/said "is this too much? that was too much..." what did you want me to say? no! well...i did. still think it was sweet. but maybe i'm just a sucker. i don't feel the way you feel about me. i don't want a forever with you. i want you to forever be in my life. you're sweet, generous...but i still cannot bring myself to that place. it's wrong. stop loving me. being in love with me. it's unrequited. is that the way you want it? i told you i don't want to hurt you anymore. but i still am. ugh. such a problem. very problematic. we can't do this. i'll let you know. i'll tell you...it needs to stop. what is this? it's not just friendship. i feel like you've got a GRIP on me. you can't. i told you i'm not yours. i'm no one's. just me. by myself. standing alone. i'm not interested in being your girl. i know...i know. it's hard. just want some other human comfort. touch. we all need to be touched. i can't do it to you. i'm ready to pull away. are you? you will hate me. there's a part of you that already does. but i'm some sort of weird addiction. i'm not even that pretty. not that smart. or special. i'm not special. don't think that i am. maybe you've learned from me but take it as a lesson...look into it deeper. i'm not COMING BACK TO YOU. NOT. i wish you understood. but. i have no fairy godmother. no time to waste on fantasy. and you do understand. to a point. but you want to ignore your inner voice. please don't. it's far wiser than you know. i can even hear it SCREAMING: STOP! NO! don't give her your affections. she's going to crush you. put you out like a 7 minute cigarette. she's not coming back to you. don't keep doing this to yourself. move on. DANGER DANGER!
then you. you fucking asshole. why can't you change? why do we have to repeat this cycle again and again? why do we see each other? love each other? to no avail! it's a useless relationship. a dead end. do we forget? i don't forget...because i wanted things to change. thought that "love is free". but you tried to hold me down! why?! motherfucker. i've got so many questions still. why've you got to be so damn complicated? there a set way in your mind. how would i know unless you verbalize? you think i read mind?! yours is a fortress. i can't get in. and your heart...has a mote around it. i'm swimming with the alligators. you wouldn't save me if they had me by the arm. i know. duuuuumb. i just want to cry. mourn you. as i do. over and over. i'm a widow already.
which cup to drink from today? certainly not the dust covered one. look to the future. even if you don't know what's there. worth discovering.
!!!!!!!
i'm freezing.