Some Much Needed "Me" Time
The older I get the more I get to know myself. It's funny because growing up, many, myself included, saw me as this social butterfly, flitting from social gathering to social gathering, charming the whole room effortlessly and with grace. And so I booked every weekend with some party or another, genuinely looking forward to each and every event. The result? I truly was that social butterfly, working the room, laughing amongst many friends, and generally having the time of my life.
Then came one day, seemingly outta nowhere, where I would just suddenly feel extremely anti-social. Any hint of human interaction would make me angry be it the sound of my phone going off, my mother asking me something, or even just being around people at a public place like a grocery store. I had no clue why I felt this way. It seemed really absurd and unreasonable and I would chalk it up to just a one time thing. Except it kept happening. There was a pattern there that I could not see and even when I did, I could not understand. Why was I fine 3-4 weekends in a row then abruptly would turn into this angry, anti-social person? Was it the people I was hanging out with? Was I stressed from school and work?
It was probably some sort of combination but the main factor was actually quite simple - interacting with people drains my energy. It didn't matter if it was my best friend or someone I dislike immensely; after a period of time, which is growing ever shorter as I get older, I need to get out of social situations and be by myself. The relief I feel when I go from consecutive weekends of social interaction to finally being alone is instantaneous. It seriously feels like slowly lowering yourself in a hot tub after a long day of snowboarding. Just that, "aaaaahhhh..."
You would think finally coming to this realization would make things exponentially better but alas, I apparently like to complicate things for myself. For a couple of years I would go through this rollercoaster of going from social butterfly to anti-social. For blocks of time I would book myself every weekend, even knowing that towards the end it will become really difficult for me to continue to be my normal cheerful self and turn into this. It got to a point where I had friends about to come over and I felt so agitated I had to go to my balcony, breathe slowly, and call Mixer (guy I was dating at the time) to calm me down. To this day I still remember what he said to me and one day I might hit him up and tell him how much it meant to me. After talking to me and calming me down, he said,
"Laura, I think you should trust your friends more. If they truly cared about you, and it sounds to me like they do, they will understand that you need your space sometimes even if they don't have the same needs."
I've slowly started to let my close friends know when I need my alone time and lo and behold, he was right. They don't judge me. They don't look at me any differently when I miss social events because I need my "me" time. I was so worried that they wouldn't understand and they'd be upset with me or disappointed but that hasn't been the case at all.
Today is just such a day where I could not be around anyone because I've spent the past few weekends with people. I'm missing a barbeque right now that a friend is hosting. My friends and acquaintances will get the excuse of, "sorry, I've got things to do today" but my close friends know the truth. I just wanted, no, needed to be in my own company and I am so grateful for their understanding. I am also grateful for Mixer, who taught me to open up to my friends and make sure I do what I need to for my own sanity and happiness.
As it turns out, I am not exactly a social butterfly in the true sense of the term, but hey, there's nothing wrong with that. Happiness means different things to different people and mine happens to be occasionally being the hermit and completely withdrawing from the world.
Then came one day, seemingly outta nowhere, where I would just suddenly feel extremely anti-social. Any hint of human interaction would make me angry be it the sound of my phone going off, my mother asking me something, or even just being around people at a public place like a grocery store. I had no clue why I felt this way. It seemed really absurd and unreasonable and I would chalk it up to just a one time thing. Except it kept happening. There was a pattern there that I could not see and even when I did, I could not understand. Why was I fine 3-4 weekends in a row then abruptly would turn into this angry, anti-social person? Was it the people I was hanging out with? Was I stressed from school and work?
It was probably some sort of combination but the main factor was actually quite simple - interacting with people drains my energy. It didn't matter if it was my best friend or someone I dislike immensely; after a period of time, which is growing ever shorter as I get older, I need to get out of social situations and be by myself. The relief I feel when I go from consecutive weekends of social interaction to finally being alone is instantaneous. It seriously feels like slowly lowering yourself in a hot tub after a long day of snowboarding. Just that, "aaaaahhhh..."
You would think finally coming to this realization would make things exponentially better but alas, I apparently like to complicate things for myself. For a couple of years I would go through this rollercoaster of going from social butterfly to anti-social. For blocks of time I would book myself every weekend, even knowing that towards the end it will become really difficult for me to continue to be my normal cheerful self and turn into this. It got to a point where I had friends about to come over and I felt so agitated I had to go to my balcony, breathe slowly, and call Mixer (guy I was dating at the time) to calm me down. To this day I still remember what he said to me and one day I might hit him up and tell him how much it meant to me. After talking to me and calming me down, he said,
"Laura, I think you should trust your friends more. If they truly cared about you, and it sounds to me like they do, they will understand that you need your space sometimes even if they don't have the same needs."
I've slowly started to let my close friends know when I need my alone time and lo and behold, he was right. They don't judge me. They don't look at me any differently when I miss social events because I need my "me" time. I was so worried that they wouldn't understand and they'd be upset with me or disappointed but that hasn't been the case at all.
Today is just such a day where I could not be around anyone because I've spent the past few weekends with people. I'm missing a barbeque right now that a friend is hosting. My friends and acquaintances will get the excuse of, "sorry, I've got things to do today" but my close friends know the truth. I just wanted, no, needed to be in my own company and I am so grateful for their understanding. I am also grateful for Mixer, who taught me to open up to my friends and make sure I do what I need to for my own sanity and happiness.
As it turns out, I am not exactly a social butterfly in the true sense of the term, but hey, there's nothing wrong with that. Happiness means different things to different people and mine happens to be occasionally being the hermit and completely withdrawing from the world.