(no subject)

[muteflute]

Paul Newman made a horrible mistake with his fake oreo cookies. People tried to help him out, but he wouldn't let them. The thing is, they're too good, by which I mean, they're not trashy enough. They're made with all kinds of good things, and they taste good. Which is nice in theory, I suppose, but they're fucking COOKIES, Paul! They're supposed to taste like fatty garbage! And this is where he made a horrible mistake. You see, there were all these people trying to argue that palm oil was this terrible thing--for your health and for the environment. See, these people were trying to remedy this situation. They were trying to make the cookies TRASHY so that they would TASTE TRASHIER and thus SELL BETTER. But, no. Paul would have nothing of it, and ruined it all. And now? They taste too good to be cookies, but too much like cookies to be anything good.

Now diet coke, there's a trashy consumable I can get behind. Horrible chemicals; trashy taste; delightfully caffeineated.