...

[mutedtorment]

I just want all this pain to end.

... I'm so close to the edge. I can see the waves below crashing upon the rocks.

It looks so nice there.

Ah, but do I dare jump?

Fate will decide...

Comments

[brianinspace]

Generally, people willing to make note of their pain in a public place (such as Livejournal) are, if close to the edge, at the very least retain some degree of hope. I don't mean that in any sort of bluff-calling, thou-doth-cry-for-help-into-the-void kind of way (anyone familiar with the history of LJ is aware that a few people have taken their lives shortly after posting similar entries), but rather that you heed the instinct of that part of you that is willing to seek outside communication about this. I've been there personally and have worked with clinically depressed clients experiencing suicidal ideation in the past--both types of experience prompt me to note that the view from inside the whirlpool of feelings you're (apparently) experiencing never reflect the actual situation. In other words, depression is a major mindfuck that can quickly lead people to take actions they live to regret (if they're lucky; people often speak of of halfhearted suicide attempts, but rarely of halfhearted successful suicide attempts; as a resident of San Francisco I mention that employees on the Golden Gate Bridge report that, in many cases of bridge suicides actually witnessed, the jumper often indicates a moment after jumping that they've suddenly had a change of heart, which doesn't do them much good when they're already in free fall). Anyways, I hope you're feeling better, and that you're seeking the medical care you deserve--depression is, after all, a medical condition, a malady with biological markers and bio-based treatment problems.

[mutedtorment]

... I don't know if you're insulting me or wishing me luck. Because I suppose it's a little bit of both, but as a whole, who knows.
But I didn't make you read my LJ nor do I make anyone else read it. This LJ is more for myself. In letting me rant - whatever I please. So my little blurbs about whatever are in truth for my eyes only. I just have some people on this as well.
It's more of a battle within my own mind. Wondering if I should take the plunge, again.
So don't go giving me crap that I already know, I've heard it many a times before...