Fic - Out Here Alone
A/N its just a drabble but I guess I should just warn that its a bit angsty. Oh and its Steve Carlson and inspired by his song 'Out here alone' in case you didn't guess... lmao.
Disclaimer - Its not true, wish it was but its not
Unbeta'd so mistakes are all mine
For my cheerleaders suzieconfusedjesco0307
Out Here Alone
Sat outside on his back patio, the smell of rain in the air, guitar resting on his knee, watching his friends laughing and drinking, Steve glances down at his watch. 2.45am... he even allows himself a small wry smile at how he appears to be living out one of his own songs. He knows his friends mean well by making sure to be around him but he has never felt more alone than he does at this moment in time. Their constant love and affection, whilst given with the best intentions, is stifling at times and for all that, as a typical Leo, he loves his friends, he’s also used to the times of solitude that being a journeyman musician brings him.
Even when he was travelling with him - he still can’t yet bring himself to say his name, even in his head, without tears involuntarily appearing in his eyes - he was often just seen as the guitarist, particularly at the radio stations, and that gave him the time he needed to be on his own.
Of course he never did understand that, could never understand why he was happy enough to wait around, to spend that time playing his guitar, writing songs or just reading a book. He’d gotten used to all the waiting, god knows there’d been enough of it over the years - waiting for him to finish filming, waiting for him to finish an interview, waiting for him to finish flirting with the hundred and one girls demanding his attention. Then there was the waiting for him to get ready whilst he chose one of the dozen or so shirts he took to every show, or waiting for him to tame his wild mane of hair - ‘I should just fucking cut it all off’ was a regular refrain on tour -, or waiting for him to find his hat because he’d given up on his hair. Waiting because his ‘we’ll go on in ten minutes’ could mean ten minutes or an hour depending on his mood, waiting because that’s what he did.
And then lately there’d been the waiting for him to come out, the waiting for him to publicly acknowledge their relationship and the waiting for ‘I love yous’ that never came. But now there would be no more waiting because he was gone, he wasn't coming back and there wasn't a damned thing that Steve could do about it. He had made him believe in forever but he had shattered that belief and now Steve is sat here alone - surrounded by friends but out here alone all the same.
And alone is exactly how he’s going to stay because, even if he wanted to replace him he couldn't, because he is irreplaceable. So now he’s waiting.... waiting once again.... waiting for something.... only this time he has no idea what........
.
Disclaimer - Its not true, wish it was but its not
Unbeta'd so mistakes are all mine
For my cheerleaders suzieconfusedjesco0307
Out Here Alone
Sat outside on his back patio, the smell of rain in the air, guitar resting on his knee, watching his friends laughing and drinking, Steve glances down at his watch. 2.45am... he even allows himself a small wry smile at how he appears to be living out one of his own songs. He knows his friends mean well by making sure to be around him but he has never felt more alone than he does at this moment in time. Their constant love and affection, whilst given with the best intentions, is stifling at times and for all that, as a typical Leo, he loves his friends, he’s also used to the times of solitude that being a journeyman musician brings him.
Even when he was travelling with him - he still can’t yet bring himself to say his name, even in his head, without tears involuntarily appearing in his eyes - he was often just seen as the guitarist, particularly at the radio stations, and that gave him the time he needed to be on his own.
Of course he never did understand that, could never understand why he was happy enough to wait around, to spend that time playing his guitar, writing songs or just reading a book. He’d gotten used to all the waiting, god knows there’d been enough of it over the years - waiting for him to finish filming, waiting for him to finish an interview, waiting for him to finish flirting with the hundred and one girls demanding his attention. Then there was the waiting for him to get ready whilst he chose one of the dozen or so shirts he took to every show, or waiting for him to tame his wild mane of hair - ‘I should just fucking cut it all off’ was a regular refrain on tour -, or waiting for him to find his hat because he’d given up on his hair. Waiting because his ‘we’ll go on in ten minutes’ could mean ten minutes or an hour depending on his mood, waiting because that’s what he did.
And then lately there’d been the waiting for him to come out, the waiting for him to publicly acknowledge their relationship and the waiting for ‘I love yous’ that never came. But now there would be no more waiting because he was gone, he wasn't coming back and there wasn't a damned thing that Steve could do about it. He had made him believe in forever but he had shattered that belief and now Steve is sat here alone - surrounded by friends but out here alone all the same.
And alone is exactly how he’s going to stay because, even if he wanted to replace him he couldn't, because he is irreplaceable. So now he’s waiting.... waiting once again.... waiting for something.... only this time he has no idea what........
.