The Tour Bus leaves in 30 minutes Part 3
Title: The Tour Bus leaves in 30 minutes Part 3
Author: mutedbyfear
Fandom: Kane RPS
Rating: PG13 for swearing
Warning: Angst
Beta: celtprincess13 (thank you sweetie)
Disclaimer: It's not true, I wish it were but it's not....
AN: So I got nagged/encouraged by suzieconfused jesco0307 ranua & buttercup22 and others too to fix the boys. Don't shout cos we're not quite there yet but we will get there, I promise...
As Christian and Steve arrived at the venue the following afternoon for the soundcheck, they were engaging in an uneasy banter which was rudely interrupted by a flying blond tackling Christian at the knees, sending him sprawling on the floor.
“Riley, you fucker, that hurt man. What you doin' here?”
Riley grinned down at Christian who was rubbing his arm and looking up at him with a mock pained expression on his face
“Me and Jen were at a loose end, though we’d fly out and catch up with our boys.”
“Jen's here too?” Steve asked quietly, wondering if someone had noticed the strained relationship between him and Christian and had called Riley and Jensen in to sort things out. He wouldn’t put it past Eric or Jason to do that. “Where’s he at? It’s been a while since I’ve seen him, be good to catch up.”
“He’s inside, Steve, go ahead. I’m just gonna have a quick word with Christian before he does his meet and greets and then I’ll be back for the show later.”
Riley dropped the joking tone as soon as Steve was out of earshot and got straight to the point - “I don’t know what’s going on here, Kane, but when I get a phone call from Eric asking if I can get on a plane and bring Jensen with me, I know it must be bad. I’m meeting a friend this afternoon and you’ve got your meet the fans session but after the show you and me are going to sit down and you’re gonna tell me what the fuck is the matter with you.”
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
"So what's Kane done now" Jensen figured that only Christian could be responsible for his friend's mood and the worried phone call from Eric.
"Don’t know what you mean? Kane’s done nothing, I've just got some stuff I'm trying to figure out."
Steve immediately jumped to Christian's defense. Why did everyone always blame Christian for everything? Granted he’d made some fuck ups in the past but the default was always to blame Christian. This was all on him right now because it wasn’t’ Christian who was screwing things up.
"Stop trying to kid me, Carlson, I know you better than that. The only times I've seen you like this before were when you and Kane argued and you left the band and when you've broken up with someone. Well, you've not been seeing anyone recently so I'll ask you again... What has the ass done to you this time"
Steve took a deep breath; he needed to talk to someone, but was this the right person? Jensen was one of his oldest friends but how was he going to tell him he was in love with another guy, and not just any guy, but his best friend and band mate? Even he was struggling with accepting it, so how would his friend deal with it? He had to talk about it though, it was eating him up inside and he'd even considered leaving the band just so he didn't have to deal with this.
"He kissed me..." Steve said quietly, looking down at his feet, afraid to see Jensen's reaction
"HE WHAT??? What the fuck? Jeez, was he drunk? What the hell did you do?" Jensen jumped up, looking as pissed as hell at Christian.
"I... I... Ummmm... He apologised and I told him not to worry about it..."
Jensen calmed down a little, sensing that there was more to the story
"Ok, so why's it still a problem? Has he tried to do it again? I didn't even know Kane was into guys."
"I liked it..." Steve said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I wanted him to do it again, still want him to do it again. Fuck Jensen, what do I do? I’ve never been even remotely attracted to another guy and now I'm in love with Christian!"
Jensen sat back down, a confused look on his face.
"Whoa, it's a long way from wanting someone to kiss you to being in love with them. Talk to me, Steve, where the fuck is this coming from?" Jensen was more than a little concerned with his friend's state of mind at the moment.
Steve finally looked up at him, rubbing his hand across his chin, thinking carefully before going on.
"So hear me out here, let me get it all out and then tell me I'm wrong. He kissed me, Jensen, downstairs at Dante's, months ago. I can't even describe how much it blew my mind, how badly I wanted him to keep kissing me, how turned on I get just even thinking about it. I fucked a girl on the bus the other night and the whole time, I was imagining it was Christian. I know how fucked up all this sounds but I can't get him out of my head. Every night that we're up on stage, he leans in to me and I want to slam him up against a wall, tangle my fingers in his hair, and just kiss him. I can't stand being around him but I don't want to be away from him either. I don't know what to do anymore; it's getting worse every day. Christ, I even imagine that he's singing songs to me on stage. How fucked up is that? I've shared 13 years of my life with him, I know him; I know what makes him tick. Me and him would be perfect together if he wasn't a guy and if he felt the same way about me. Last night he said he loved me and for a minute I hoped he was going to make a move but he didn’t so I guess he meant he loved me as a friend, as a brother."
“What makes you so sure he doesn’t feel the same, wait… what the hell am I saying… jeez, Steve, this is another man you’re talking about. You just said it would be perfect if he wasn’t a guy, so is that a problem? I mean, I’ve seen you with women - you love women, you flirt with them all the time. Think about it, Steve, you have no experience of this. Are you sure you’re not having an early midlife crisis?”
Steve swept his hair back out of his eyes and tied it up at the base of his neck, trying to buy some time before answering.
“I don’t know Jensen…. Maybe… no, no, it’s not like that. I've never felt like this about anyone before. I still love women but right now they’re no substitute for Christian; they don’t even come close. I just want to hold him, kiss him, run my fingers through his hair… oh god, what am I going to do? I can’t carry on with the tour feeling like this. We’re sharing a room tonight and I have no idea how the fuck I’m gonna cope with that. We’ve done it so many times before, but everything is different now, every day it gets worse. How can I sleep in the same room as him knowing I want to be in the same bed? What the hell am I gonna do Jensen?”
“Damned if I know Steve, not exactly an area where I have much expertise. Right now you need to do what you do best, go get the sound check done and go out there and play music. I’ll be right here after the show and we’ll talk some more, I just need a little time to get my head around this.”
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Jensen stood and watched the show as he’d done many times before but this time watching Christian more intently. He almost gasped out loud as he watched him tenderly brush Steve's hair out of his eyes as he was playing before leaning in to him, eyes closed, as Steve played the opening bars to ‘Seven Days’ He saw the disappointment on Christian's face as he sang ‘gimme one more shot’ and Steve refused to look up at him. Jensen saw the hurt when Steve pulled away from Christian's hug at the end of the show.
Why had he not seen this before? Was it just because he was looking for it that he noticed? One thing was for sure, what Christian felt for Steve was more than simple friendship and if Steve really did feel the same way then maybe he’d be supporting two of his friends through what would surely be a difficult transitional time for both of them.
After the show he dragged Steve out of the Green room and into anther room which afforded them some privacy.
“I hardly believe that I'm saying this to but you know I think you might have something here, Steve. He was definitely singing to you and there was something else I can't quite explain, a way he was looking at you, the way he leans in to you; it’s different from how he used to be. I think you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel, see if he really does feel the same. You've got nothing to lose right now 'cos you'll likely leave the band unless you resolve it anyway."
Steve knew what Jensen was saying was right but it didn’t stop him from wanting to bury his head in the sand and hope this would all go away. He was so afraid that despite what Jensen thought he saw, he was mistaken. God, Christian had always been pretty tactile, was he any worse now than he used to be? And Christian had always sung certain lines in songs to him, it was Christian's way of dealing with his nerves from way back when - he’d sing at Steve when he was getting overwhelmed so he could pretend it was just him and Steve in a room on their own. Oh god, he felt sick at the thought of losing that kind of connection with Christian and he looked up to the skies briefly as if hoping that some divine mystic being could point him in the right direction.
"… but what if I am wrong, I can’t lose him even if all I can ever have is friendship. What if the kiss was just because he was drunk?"
Jensen threw a reassuring arm around Steve's shoulders; even to his eyes Steve looked petrified.
"One thing I'll say about Kane is he never does anything without a reason, drunk or not. Something made him kiss you that night. I dunno, maybe he wasn't ready to deal with how he felt then but I saw him on stage tonight, I saw how he was with you... There's more to this than just a friendship, I swear to God. Talk to him, Steve, get it out in the open. You’ll feel better for it and whatever happens from here, it should at least get rid of some of the tension between you. Just make sure this is what you really want, 'cos I think this might be the most important conversation of your life.”
TBC
Author: mutedbyfear
Fandom: Kane RPS
Rating: PG13 for swearing
Warning: Angst
Beta: celtprincess13 (thank you sweetie)
Disclaimer: It's not true, I wish it were but it's not....
AN: So I got nagged/encouraged by suzieconfused jesco0307 ranua & buttercup22 and others too to fix the boys. Don't shout cos we're not quite there yet but we will get there, I promise...
As Christian and Steve arrived at the venue the following afternoon for the soundcheck, they were engaging in an uneasy banter which was rudely interrupted by a flying blond tackling Christian at the knees, sending him sprawling on the floor.
“Riley, you fucker, that hurt man. What you doin' here?”
Riley grinned down at Christian who was rubbing his arm and looking up at him with a mock pained expression on his face
“Me and Jen were at a loose end, though we’d fly out and catch up with our boys.”
“Jen's here too?” Steve asked quietly, wondering if someone had noticed the strained relationship between him and Christian and had called Riley and Jensen in to sort things out. He wouldn’t put it past Eric or Jason to do that. “Where’s he at? It’s been a while since I’ve seen him, be good to catch up.”
“He’s inside, Steve, go ahead. I’m just gonna have a quick word with Christian before he does his meet and greets and then I’ll be back for the show later.”
Riley dropped the joking tone as soon as Steve was out of earshot and got straight to the point - “I don’t know what’s going on here, Kane, but when I get a phone call from Eric asking if I can get on a plane and bring Jensen with me, I know it must be bad. I’m meeting a friend this afternoon and you’ve got your meet the fans session but after the show you and me are going to sit down and you’re gonna tell me what the fuck is the matter with you.”
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
"So what's Kane done now" Jensen figured that only Christian could be responsible for his friend's mood and the worried phone call from Eric.
"Don’t know what you mean? Kane’s done nothing, I've just got some stuff I'm trying to figure out."
Steve immediately jumped to Christian's defense. Why did everyone always blame Christian for everything? Granted he’d made some fuck ups in the past but the default was always to blame Christian. This was all on him right now because it wasn’t’ Christian who was screwing things up.
"Stop trying to kid me, Carlson, I know you better than that. The only times I've seen you like this before were when you and Kane argued and you left the band and when you've broken up with someone. Well, you've not been seeing anyone recently so I'll ask you again... What has the ass done to you this time"
Steve took a deep breath; he needed to talk to someone, but was this the right person? Jensen was one of his oldest friends but how was he going to tell him he was in love with another guy, and not just any guy, but his best friend and band mate? Even he was struggling with accepting it, so how would his friend deal with it? He had to talk about it though, it was eating him up inside and he'd even considered leaving the band just so he didn't have to deal with this.
"He kissed me..." Steve said quietly, looking down at his feet, afraid to see Jensen's reaction
"HE WHAT??? What the fuck? Jeez, was he drunk? What the hell did you do?" Jensen jumped up, looking as pissed as hell at Christian.
"I... I... Ummmm... He apologised and I told him not to worry about it..."
Jensen calmed down a little, sensing that there was more to the story
"Ok, so why's it still a problem? Has he tried to do it again? I didn't even know Kane was into guys."
"I liked it..." Steve said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I wanted him to do it again, still want him to do it again. Fuck Jensen, what do I do? I’ve never been even remotely attracted to another guy and now I'm in love with Christian!"
Jensen sat back down, a confused look on his face.
"Whoa, it's a long way from wanting someone to kiss you to being in love with them. Talk to me, Steve, where the fuck is this coming from?" Jensen was more than a little concerned with his friend's state of mind at the moment.
Steve finally looked up at him, rubbing his hand across his chin, thinking carefully before going on.
"So hear me out here, let me get it all out and then tell me I'm wrong. He kissed me, Jensen, downstairs at Dante's, months ago. I can't even describe how much it blew my mind, how badly I wanted him to keep kissing me, how turned on I get just even thinking about it. I fucked a girl on the bus the other night and the whole time, I was imagining it was Christian. I know how fucked up all this sounds but I can't get him out of my head. Every night that we're up on stage, he leans in to me and I want to slam him up against a wall, tangle my fingers in his hair, and just kiss him. I can't stand being around him but I don't want to be away from him either. I don't know what to do anymore; it's getting worse every day. Christ, I even imagine that he's singing songs to me on stage. How fucked up is that? I've shared 13 years of my life with him, I know him; I know what makes him tick. Me and him would be perfect together if he wasn't a guy and if he felt the same way about me. Last night he said he loved me and for a minute I hoped he was going to make a move but he didn’t so I guess he meant he loved me as a friend, as a brother."
“What makes you so sure he doesn’t feel the same, wait… what the hell am I saying… jeez, Steve, this is another man you’re talking about. You just said it would be perfect if he wasn’t a guy, so is that a problem? I mean, I’ve seen you with women - you love women, you flirt with them all the time. Think about it, Steve, you have no experience of this. Are you sure you’re not having an early midlife crisis?”
Steve swept his hair back out of his eyes and tied it up at the base of his neck, trying to buy some time before answering.
“I don’t know Jensen…. Maybe… no, no, it’s not like that. I've never felt like this about anyone before. I still love women but right now they’re no substitute for Christian; they don’t even come close. I just want to hold him, kiss him, run my fingers through his hair… oh god, what am I going to do? I can’t carry on with the tour feeling like this. We’re sharing a room tonight and I have no idea how the fuck I’m gonna cope with that. We’ve done it so many times before, but everything is different now, every day it gets worse. How can I sleep in the same room as him knowing I want to be in the same bed? What the hell am I gonna do Jensen?”
“Damned if I know Steve, not exactly an area where I have much expertise. Right now you need to do what you do best, go get the sound check done and go out there and play music. I’ll be right here after the show and we’ll talk some more, I just need a little time to get my head around this.”
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Jensen stood and watched the show as he’d done many times before but this time watching Christian more intently. He almost gasped out loud as he watched him tenderly brush Steve's hair out of his eyes as he was playing before leaning in to him, eyes closed, as Steve played the opening bars to ‘Seven Days’ He saw the disappointment on Christian's face as he sang ‘gimme one more shot’ and Steve refused to look up at him. Jensen saw the hurt when Steve pulled away from Christian's hug at the end of the show.
Why had he not seen this before? Was it just because he was looking for it that he noticed? One thing was for sure, what Christian felt for Steve was more than simple friendship and if Steve really did feel the same way then maybe he’d be supporting two of his friends through what would surely be a difficult transitional time for both of them.
After the show he dragged Steve out of the Green room and into anther room which afforded them some privacy.
“I hardly believe that I'm saying this to but you know I think you might have something here, Steve. He was definitely singing to you and there was something else I can't quite explain, a way he was looking at you, the way he leans in to you; it’s different from how he used to be. I think you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel, see if he really does feel the same. You've got nothing to lose right now 'cos you'll likely leave the band unless you resolve it anyway."
Steve knew what Jensen was saying was right but it didn’t stop him from wanting to bury his head in the sand and hope this would all go away. He was so afraid that despite what Jensen thought he saw, he was mistaken. God, Christian had always been pretty tactile, was he any worse now than he used to be? And Christian had always sung certain lines in songs to him, it was Christian's way of dealing with his nerves from way back when - he’d sing at Steve when he was getting overwhelmed so he could pretend it was just him and Steve in a room on their own. Oh god, he felt sick at the thought of losing that kind of connection with Christian and he looked up to the skies briefly as if hoping that some divine mystic being could point him in the right direction.
"… but what if I am wrong, I can’t lose him even if all I can ever have is friendship. What if the kiss was just because he was drunk?"
Jensen threw a reassuring arm around Steve's shoulders; even to his eyes Steve looked petrified.
"One thing I'll say about Kane is he never does anything without a reason, drunk or not. Something made him kiss you that night. I dunno, maybe he wasn't ready to deal with how he felt then but I saw him on stage tonight, I saw how he was with you... There's more to this than just a friendship, I swear to God. Talk to him, Steve, get it out in the open. You’ll feel better for it and whatever happens from here, it should at least get rid of some of the tension between you. Just make sure this is what you really want, 'cos I think this might be the most important conversation of your life.”
TBC