Your Heart Outside Your Body (9/10)

[mutantwrites]

Chapter 9: The Meadow

Chapter 8: The Signal

It was late afternoon, and just a few more hours to go before they'd survived another day. It had been another very quiet day for Finn and Kurt, especially after the thrill of the crackers had worn off. They spent the day working on Kurt's idea of poison darts. They'd carved several, but they still couldn't figure out how to send the darts at people.

"I could prick them," Kurt said, "but that means I have to get close enough. And if I get in range on a Career, I'd probably end up dead before I could do anything."

"What about a slingshot or something?" Finn asked. "We could use some of the canvas that we have left."

"Not elastic enough," Kurt sighed.

They were sitting inside their little willow tree house. In here, it was easy to forget where they were. The sun was pleasantly warm overhead. They could hear birds singing, and Finn watched warily as one of those flutterby things landed on a distant branch.

"Finn? Are you listening?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry." Finn snapped back to attention. "What were you saying?"

Kurt sighed heavily, pushing his bangs out of his eyes with a dirty hand. "I was saying that we could take some of the ties from the bag. Maybe the drawstrings would-"

"Whoa. Did you see that?"

Kurt didn't look pleased at the interruption. "See what?"

"That squirrel jumped out and ate one of those flutterby things."

"Good. Glad something eats them." Kurt turned back to his slingshot. "If the drawstring doesn't work… wait a minute. Did you say a squirrel?"

"Yeah. It's right there." Finn pointed to it. It was golden blonde, like Quinn's hair, and sitting back on its haunches, watching them and twitching its nose. "Kind of cute, isn't it?"

"That's the first animal I've seen in the arena," Kurt said.

"Yeah." Finn frowned. "I'd think we should be worried, but it's a squirrel."

That got Kurt's attention. "You were bit by a butterfly. We've never had to worry about those before, either."

"Yeah. At least the squirrel doesn't seem to be doing anything," Finn said, shrugging. "Hey, what about if we put some more weight on these? Make them longer? You could make, like, mini-spears." But now Kurt wasn't paying attention. "Kurt?"

"Finn… is it just me, or is that squirrel watching us?"

Finn looked at it. "It is watching us," he said. "It's definitely watching us. It's kind of creeping me out, actually."

"It's definitely creeping me out," Kurt agreed. "Maybe we should move."

"Because of a squirrel?" Finn frowned. "I mean, it's not like it's another tribute."

"But they always put traps into the Games," Kurt said.

He had a point. "Okay," Finn said, grabbing his staff and getting to his feet. "I just kind of like it here."

"We can come back, Finn. Once the creepy fluffy golden squirrel is gone."

"Right. Should we take- wait."

"What?"

"Kurt, there are two fluffy golden squirrels watching us now."

Kurt turned. "Two?"

"No, now it's four." Finn's voice trembled. "I think we should back up very, very slowly."

"I think you're right." Kurt had his knife in one hand and the bottle of poison in the other. He began backing up until he was right next to Finn. They both moved slowly, eyeing the squirrels the entire time. The squirrels started creeping forward, and now there were ten. They had fangs, Finn realized, his heart in his throat and his hands starting to sweat.

"Finn?" Kurt asked nervously.

"Yeah, Kurt?"

"When should we run?"

The squirrels were hissing, prowling closer. "I think right now," Finn said, clutching his staff harder. "Run!"

They turned and ran.

"Finn!" Kurt shouted. "Over the stream! Maybe they can't follow us!"

"Good thought." Finn headed down the hill and picked up speed and hurdled the stream. Kurt followed, crying out as he landed on his bad leg. Finn reached out with his free hand and grabbed Kurt's arm, hauling him back to standing, and then started running again.

"Are they following us?" he asked.

Kurt glanced back. "The stream slowed them down a little, but they're- oh! They're jumping it!"

Finn hazarded a look himself, and saw that more little fluffy golden squirrels had joined in the chase. They were swarming after them, and it was the scariest thing Finn had ever seen in his life.

"Where should we even run to?" he gasped. "Up a tree?"

"They're squirrels, Finn! Up a tree isn't going to stop them!" Kurt's voice was ragged. "Just keep running!"

They ran through the forest, dodging trees and jumping over rocks and logs and more poison streams. Finn's lungs were burning and his heart was pounding, and he could hear Kurt's breathing getting worse and worse. But every time he looked behind him, the squirrels were still swarming after them, and now they were climbing trees to try to get closer.

"The meadow. The meadow's right in front of us," Finn gasped, his eyes focused on that huge open space that he could see though the treeline. "Maybe if we get to the meadow we can-"

There was a shriek behind him. A horrible, terrible shriek that made Finn realize that Kurt wasn't at his side anymore. He spun around and saw that Kurt had tripped, sprawled out over the forest floor. A squirrel launched itself at Kurt and began chewing on his wounded leg. Another followed. Kurt kicked it and it went flying, but another immediately took its place.

He had thought he was going to kill Kurt, and here was the opportunity, but Finn didn't even hesitate. He ran back, staff at the ready, knocking the squirrels off Kurt. He reached down and grabbed Kurt's hand, yanking him to his feet. "Can you run?" he asked.

"There's no way I'm stopping," Kurt said. He had tears streaking down his face and blood running down his leg, but he surged in front of Finn. "Run, Finn."

They ran out into the meadow. The huge meadow, where there was no cover. But then, Finn thought, there were no trees that the squirrels could run up and jump off onto them. They kept running, even if it was more like staggering now. Finn had no idea how far they'd gone, but the treeline was far behind them now, and only getting further. They were putting space between them and the squirrels now, especially as the squirrels got slowed down by the long grass, but not enough.

There was something worrying about the direction they were running, but Finn's mind was too fuzzy with pain and fear to work it out. His breath wasn't even coming now- he felt like he was drowning. His head hurt, his lungs hurt, his stomach hurt, his legs hurt… he wasn't going to be able to do this anymore. But the prospect of being eaten alive….

Kurt fell again, rolling on the ground. "I can't, Finn," he gasped. His leg was bleeding heavily and he was gripping his side, and pain was written all over his face and his posture.

"I'm not going to let you be eaten alive," Finn said. He tried to haul Kurt up. "I won't."

"Just keep them off me then," Kurt said. He was fumbling with the water bottle full of poison. "I can't get away, Finn. I… just let me… it would be faster."

Finn wasn't sure if it was sweat streaming into his eyes or tears, but his vision blurred and he had to wipe at his eyes. He looked back at the squirrels. "Wait."

"No, Finn, I-"

"Wait!" Finn lunged forward and grabbed the bottle from Kurt's hand. "Look!" Kurt looked up. The squirrels had stopped. They were sitting up, alert, noses twitching. Finn waited, and to his surprise, the squirrels started running away. A hole opened up in the ground and the squirrels all jumped into it, just as if they'd been trained.

"They're letting us go?" Kurt asked.

"They're squirrels. I don't think they know what they're doing."

"I meant the Gamemakers. They-" Kurt cut off, bending over his leg in pain.

"Here. Let me see that." Finn knelt down. He still hadn't gotten his breath back, and he had to take a long moment to keep from throwing up on Kurt and get his stomach to cooperate again. As soon as he looked at Kurt's leg, any control he had and he had to crawl away for a long moment to vomit on the ground. It left him weak and shaking. He wiped his mouth on his forearm and sat back, trying to refocus his eyes. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Finn," Kurt said. "I feel like doing the same thing."

His leg was still intact, but it was just the look of it, the fact that something had chewed on it. And on the front of Kurt's shin, where there was only skin, they could see bone. Kurt's breathing sounded funny, too- more like hysterical gasps than proper breath, and when Finn looked again he could see that Kurt was crying.

"Maybe I should drink this now," Kurt said, looking at the water bottle full of poison.

"No."

Kurt's face was incredibly pale. "Finn, I can't breathe right. When I fell, I must have…" he curled around his side. "Something snapped. I think that they're broken now, not just cracked."

"So we'll take our time," Finn said. "I'll help you. I'll carry you if I have to. We'll head back into the forest and find our packs and the demoralen, we'll get those darts ready, and then we'll go out there and kill some people, okay? No more waiting. We'll go fight. Come on." He leaned closer. "The cameras are on us right now, right? After those squirrels, they've got to be. You want your dad to watch you drink poison? After what you said when I suggested it?"

"Fuck you," Kurt said, but he started to pull himself up. Finn grabbed an arm and hauled him to his feet, even as Kurt cried out in pain.

"You okay? Your leg?"

"It hurts, but there's not much we can do." Kurt tore the hem off the bottom of his tunic, and then knelt down very carefully to tie it around his calf. "That's a bit better, although I really don't want to think about what all is on that shirt that can get into the wound."

"Okay. Let's go," Finn said. "Easy to see which way we came from."

Kurt frowned. "Too easy."

"Hey, let's not complain. Something's gone right for a change, right?" Finn had to walk slow, because Kurt's pace had really gotten slower. He looked around, trying to gauge how far it was to the forest. They must have run at least two miles. Of course, the problem with the meadow was there was no cover.

Kurt was thinking along the same lines. "We really should get down," he said. "Crawl again."

"You think your ribs can do that?"

"Absolutely not. I just said that's what we should do. The Career pack-"

Finally, Finn realized what he was worried about. They weren't far from the Cornucopia, and the Careers' camp. And that was why the squirrels had been called off. He stopped, grabbing Kurt's wrist.

"What?" Kurt asked.

"The Careers," Finn said. "Kurt, they drove us into the meadow to fight the Careers."

The little color that was left in Kurt's face left. His face was completely white. "Oh my god. Finn, we've got to split up now."

"No way. If we split up, you'll die."

"You don't know that," Kurt said. "Maybe they won't find me. But if you run now, you've got a chance to get back there. Go get our packs and the darts, hole up and use the darts and get home."

"And leave you here to die alone. I promised-"

"This is the Hunger Games, Finn! Promises don't mean anything!"

"Would you stop it?" Finn demanded. "Stop the martyr act, all right?!"

"It's not a martyr act!" Kurt snapped. "It's a cold hard fact! If you want to live, you need to leave me here and get back! I'll get back if I can, but if we both stay out here, we're both going to die!"

"I'm not just going to leave you here!"

"You should! I almost killed you!" Two red blotches appeared on Kurt's cheeks. "I was going to poison you this morning!"

Don't drink from this bottle. Poison in a water bottle, ready to hand to him. Kurt wasn't talking idly- he really had been about to kill Finn that morning. For real. Finn stared at him, mouth open. Kurt flushed and looked away angrily.

"You were going to- what the hell, Kurt?"

"I had to!"

"Says who?" Finn kept staring at him, hurt beyond words. "We agreed it was you and me until someone took one of us out! Did you really think it would just be us at the end? That someone else wouldn't do it?"

"I don't know." Kurt wiped at his cheek. "No. Not really."

"You…" Finn paced angrily, wishing there was something he could just kick. "Then why? What was your big plan, Kurt?"

"I was going to…" Kurt took a deep breath and tried to steady his voice. "I was going to give you the bottle, take the packs, and hide for a while," he said. "I told myself at least this way it would be quick, and I wouldn't have to face you again after I left. That was the plan."

"The plan. Just your plan?" Finn asked.

Kurt shook his head mutely.

Sue. Finn should have known- he had known. Sue had been betting on Kurt the whole time. Not because Kurt was strong or fast or anything like that, but because Kurt was smart. He was the one who came up with the idea to steal the Careers' food, he was the one who came up with the idea for the darts. Finn had just been a tool the whole time, something Sue could use to get Kurt home.

"The crackers," he said slowly. "The ones Sue sent. They weren't from Mom and Burt, were they?"

"I told you-"

"Stop it!" Finn shouted. "Stop lying to me! Who were they from?"

Kurt closed his eyes. "I'd already changed my mind when I showed you them," he said. "I wanted you to believe that because…"

"Because you wanted to believe it, too," Finn finished when Kurt trailed off. He shook his head. Because yeah, he could see that. From Sue, the crackers were a sign that Kurt had to kill his brother. From Carole and Burt, they were a sign that two people loved them more than anything else in the world. And through Kurt's lie, Finn had had the second for a while. And it had helped. He'd felt happy when he'd eaten that cracker.

Kurt stood still, staring at Finn now. He had tears running down his face and blood on his skin, and he was filthy and scared. He looked young, and although Finn wanted to hate him, he couldn't. Because something deep and honest and good in him forced him to admit that not only would he have done the same thing, but he'd been thinking about it himself. Kurt had honestly thought that it was the best way, the only way to get home. The fight started seeping out of him, leaving him feeling tired and drained.

"Why didn't you?" Finn asked.

Kurt looked surprised. "What?"

"Why didn't you? You asked me why I chose you over Blaine, so it's only fair, right?" There was a lump in Finn's throat and his eyes were stinging. "Why didn't you kill me?"

"For the same reason you picked me," Kurt said, still not looking at him. "I thought I could. I told myself it was the only way and that I'd live with it… but I can't. Every time I've needed you-"

"I let you down. I know." Finn had heard it before.

Kurt looked at him. "No. Every time I've needed you, you were there. Maybe not right away and maybe not how I wanted, but you were there. Last night you were there. And I just… I just couldn't…." Finn stared him down, not letting him off the hook, and Kurt's shoulders slumped. "You're my brother, all right?" he finally snapped. "I love you, and I couldn't kill you. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Just like that, the anger drained from Finn. "Yeah," he said quietly. "It is."

Kurt gaped at him. "You're serious."

"I am serious. Look, I don't think we're going to get out of here, Kurt. But if one of us does, that's what we've got to know. That's what's important, and what they shouldn't be able to take from us."

"I know."

"Come on then." Finn put his arm around Kurt, and Kurt gave up and leaned against him. "We can make it together."

"You don't believe that, do you?"

"Nope," Finn said. "And you didn't ask, but yeah. I love you, too." Kurt's smile was watery, but it was there.

They limped along. After a while, Finn had the impression that Kurt was regaining his equilibrium and recovering from the run, at the least, but he kept his arm around Kurt and Kurt didn't move away. In fact, he slipped his own arm around Finn's waist, not to support himself, but to support Finn. It seemed like a lifetime ago that Finn would have pulled away, muttering some excuse if someone- anyone- might be watching. Now he knew all of Panem was watching, and he couldn't even bring himself to care.

"Finn," Kurt said quietly. "Behind us." Finn turned and looked, and there, on the horizon, he saw them coming. Careers. He counted ten of them. "You killed Raze," Kurt said quietly. "I wonder who got the other one?"

"Not a clue."

Kurt looked up at him. "Are you sure you don't want to run?"

Finn snorted. "Of course I want to run," he said honestly. "But I'm not going to." Kurt gave him that look that Finn remembered, that look that made him feel like he was a hero. "This is going to sound crazy, but maybe we should just stop?" he said. "We're not going to make it to the forest, maybe the best thing we can do is get ready to fight."

Kurt nodded. "Finn? Thank you." He hugged Finn, and Finn hugged back, as tightly as he dared.

There wasn't much they could do to get ready. Finn stretched out his legs, which were tight from all the running. Kurt opened the bottle of poison and plunged his knife in. Finn watched, grinning. "That's vicious."

"Thank you."

The Careers were close enough that their faces were visible. Finn picked up his staff and braced himself. Kurt had the bottle in one hand and his long knife in the other. The two of them stood back to back in the meadow, the Careers closing in. Finn's heart was speeding up and his ears were ringing, and he swallowed hard. They were probably going down, it was ten against two. But damn it, they were going to give them a fight.

Ten Careers. Finn recognized Shell, who had her sword, and Krev, who had a big, heavy mace. The District 1 girl had an axe, another one had a spear, and the least terrifying weapon that Finn saw was a knife twice as big as the one Kurt was holding. And the two of them were armed with a stick, a knife, and a bottle of poison. Finn swallowed and wished he dared to fumble for Kurt's hand, but taking his hand off his staff could be fatal.

"You know," Krev said, smirking, "in District 2 they have a pretty specific punishment for stealing."

"Same with District 4," Shell said. "They cut off the thief's hands. Think we should start there?"

"I don't think we should let them go down easy, that's for sure," Krev said. He looked at the tribute standing to the right. "Let's make it a good show for the Capitol, huh? Shell and I will take them. All of us makes it over too quick."

"Krev," a girl from District 2 holding a sword said angrily, "let's make it quick. Come on."

"Besides," one of the boys said, "they're dangerous. They stole packs from us and killed Raze. They aren't getting away, but do you really want to take the chance that one of them is taking you down?"

"Yeah," the girl from District 1 said. "You want to be taken out by a tribute from District 8?"

"I won't be," Krev said, the cocky grin on his face making Finn resolve that even if they died here, he was taking Krev down first. "You ready, Shell?"

Shell grinned. "I'm ready."

Krev lunged.

Finn lifted his staff to block the blow and sidestepped the best he could. His back wasn't against Kurt's anymore, and that red hot anger that had flooded him when he killed Raze was rising again, tingeing his mouth with the taste of blood.

He wasn't great with the staff, and he knew that. But desperation kept him moving, blocking all of Krev's attacks. For a wild moment, he even thought he was doing well, until he saw Krev's smile. Krev was just toying with him.

He wanted to look and see how Kurt was doing, but he knew that was a bad idea. The best he could say was that he hadn't heard a cannon fire yet, and the Careers were shouting, cheering both Shell and Krev on. Krev upped his attacks, and Finn realized he hadn't just been holding back in number, but in strength. Finn's staff vibrated in his hands as it met with the mace, and Finn was suddenly very aware of how crude it was.

Krev swung for his head and Finn raised his staff to block it, and suddenly his knee exploded with pain as Krev hit it with the mace. He cried out, dropping down to the ground. His vision blurred and his world narrowed down to his knee, which threatened to overwhelm him.

"Finn!" He heard Kurt's voice from far away, panicked. "Finn! Get up!" He looked up and saw Krev coming for him, mace raced above his head and roaring as he ran at Finn to deliver the death blow. He fumbled for his staff and raised it, knowing that it probably wouldn't protect him, and closed his eyes as he waited.

There was an answering cry, and Finn opened his eyes to see that Kurt had gotten away from Shell. He stumbled at Krev and when he was close enough, threw the poison from the open bottle right at Krev's face, aiming straight for the mouth.

The liquid on his face stopped Krev dead. He must have been smart enough to realize it wasn't just water and he started spitting it out, but Kurt took advantage of his distraction and plunged his knife right into Krev's gut. He twisted the knife, blood running down his hands, and Krev's eyes bulged out of his face. A bubble of blood formed on his lips, and he fell heavily to the ground. In the distance, a cannon fired. Kurt pulled the knife free, and turned to meet Finn's eyes. His leg was drenched in blood and there was a nasty cut on his forehead and he was having trouble standing, but he smiled grimly. But Kurt's smile dissolved almost immediately into an expression of intense pain. Finn used his staff to struggle to his feet.

"Kurt?"

The other Careers were cheering. But why would they be cheering when Kurt had killed Krev? Finn looked down, and that was when he noticed the sword point protruding out of Kurt's abdomen. Shell yanked it out, and Kurt slumped to the ground.

"Kurt!" Finn stumbled forward. Shell watched him warily, wiping blood off her face as she struggled to regain her breath. Kurt must have gotten her at least a bit, although the knife must not have held the poison well. She hung back, watching as Finn crawled over to Kurt.

"We should finish them off," the District 1 boy began, but the District 2 girl put up an arm to stop him. Finn knew why - he wasn't going anywhere. He hated himself for being grateful for it, but he mouthed a thank you at the girl. She nodded, just slightly, and Finn wondered if she had a brother, too.

"Hey," he said, sitting down ungracefully and taking Kurt's hand.

"Finn," Kurt said, his free hand clawing at Finn's shirt. He tugged, and Finn leaned in to hear Kurt whisper, "Take a handful of sand, throw it in her face, and when she's blinded, run. Do it now, before they decide to stop this mockery of respect."

"I can't run," Finn told him. "Krev took out my knee." His leg was throbbing so badly that even talking hurt it, which Finn didn't get because those muscles sure weren't connected. He put his free hand over his and Kurt's joined hands. "Just… I'm here, Kurt. Just hold on to me."

Kurt's hand twitched in his, and he looked like he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Finn reached an arm around Kurt and pulled him up, holding him close. Kurt whimpered in pain, but his head dropped onto Finn's shoulder, and his breathing slowed.

The cannon fired.

For a long moment, Finn sat holding Kurt's body. He wanted to cry, but the tears just wouldn't come. Maybe because he knew exactly what would happen as soon as he stood up. Nine to one now, and a blown-out knee.

He laid Kurt down gently, and then took the knife and shoved it into his belt. He picked up his staff and hauled himself to his feet, looking around at the Careers. Shell was still standing nearby, her sword red and at the ready. The others were watching him, weapons out and expressions ranging from predatory bloodlust to grim determination. The District 2 girl did look sympathetic, but her hands tightened on her sword and she raised it.

"All right," Finn said. "Let's do this."

They rushed at him. Finn tried to fight- even landed a blow or two, but his staff was shattered in seconds. A sharp pain exploded in his side, and another in his thigh, and unbelievable agony in his bad shoulder. He fumbled for the knife, but he couldn't reach it. He looked up, and the blue sky flooded his vision. He kept his gaze fixed there until a mace struck him in the side of the head, and then he saw nothing more.

Chapter 10: The District