Oh my gosh.
Wow. I haven't made good use of this journal in an incredibly long time.
I can't believe Robert's dead.
Selena has this smile plastered to her face at the funeral. It's so fake. She's so cute, but it's such a fake face. I hate that, I want her back to normal, but who knows how or when that will happen?
It was so fucked up seeing him in that coffin. He looked like one of the wax people in Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. That's wasn't Robert.
All that life, all that energy. Gone. He was the most vital person I knew. The way he moved, the goofy way he danced.. Swing dancing, "Brotherhood of Man" in How to Succeed..
I mean.. where does all that energy go?
It has to go into the world. It has to. Energy does not disappear like that.
Robert's energy is all around us. We breathe him and feel him when we step outside.
The day of his death, I stood in front of the Locke's house and felt this incredible wind that was all around me. It was beautiful. I looked at trees dancing and these vibrant fall leaves cascading off the roof of the house. The weather was perfect. A few beautiful clouds tinted with the colors of a sunset. Robert was there.
And the funeral, I cried. I was missing him, sure, but it was for the beauty that this kid left with us. We're so different because of him. We don't realize it until he's gone and we realize something's missing.
He's not going to be there at our parties. He won't sit with us at Steak n' Shake. I won't sit next to him during movies. I won't swing dance with him anymore. I won't see him in any more plays.
Because now his energy is in me. Robert's energy is in us. So when we carry on and live our lives, he's living it with us.
All those people he touched. Every single soul in that church on Saturday. Every kid who stood up to walk out behind his casket.
I miss you so, so much Robert.
I can't believe Robert's dead.
Selena has this smile plastered to her face at the funeral. It's so fake. She's so cute, but it's such a fake face. I hate that, I want her back to normal, but who knows how or when that will happen?
It was so fucked up seeing him in that coffin. He looked like one of the wax people in Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. That's wasn't Robert.
All that life, all that energy. Gone. He was the most vital person I knew. The way he moved, the goofy way he danced.. Swing dancing, "Brotherhood of Man" in How to Succeed..
I mean.. where does all that energy go?
It has to go into the world. It has to. Energy does not disappear like that.
Robert's energy is all around us. We breathe him and feel him when we step outside.
The day of his death, I stood in front of the Locke's house and felt this incredible wind that was all around me. It was beautiful. I looked at trees dancing and these vibrant fall leaves cascading off the roof of the house. The weather was perfect. A few beautiful clouds tinted with the colors of a sunset. Robert was there.
And the funeral, I cried. I was missing him, sure, but it was for the beauty that this kid left with us. We're so different because of him. We don't realize it until he's gone and we realize something's missing.
He's not going to be there at our parties. He won't sit with us at Steak n' Shake. I won't sit next to him during movies. I won't swing dance with him anymore. I won't see him in any more plays.
Because now his energy is in me. Robert's energy is in us. So when we carry on and live our lives, he's living it with us.
All those people he touched. Every single soul in that church on Saturday. Every kid who stood up to walk out behind his casket.
I miss you so, so much Robert.