an email worth preserving...
the story: a woman i spoke to wondering why men only want sex, and how she was "accosted by a married neighbor when she was 17 while sunbathing in her own backyard in a bikini"
i got caught up in skimming through the desolate wasteland of the people time forgot, known as "Craigs List Tampa Bay" rather than risk getting kicked off community message boards or chat rooms which i have frequented since first discovering them in the early days of screen name Phil Theanus (banned after being reported for such a highly offensive name) on AOL ,make the mistake of confusing for Blue Man fans as rational human beings with a sense of humor and internal thought process consisting of anything more than " CMP can do do wrong and i am mindless lemming who shall follow whatever my shepard has set forth for me to do or say without question or hesitation..for Wink is Lord and Blue Man sheep all are we" rah rah yadda yadda blah blah flibbity flobbity floo
this is what i found myself writing in response claiming men today have no respect for women, when she herself said some women WANT or like to be treated like sluts...but not all...and this leads me to be reminded of Dave Chappelle once saying "all women are not sluts...some just wear a sluts uniform" Just because i dress this way,does NOT make her a slut ...and to us men, that shit is just confusing.
i should have mentioned how i was regarded and almost expected to be a womanizing abuser when i met "my ex" ( dontcha just love referring to them without mention of names...as if they existed but now are not important enough or mean as much as to display their name for all to see,to those who might somehow NOT know) so rather not strive to not become one, in the end i just became what i was expected to be since it was an easy way out (minus the going to jail) yes i can more comfortably, though not proudly, proclaim in admittance that when i hit my girlfriend and went to jail...it was not an act of blind uncontrollable rage but a desperate albelit blatantly DELIBERATE act...as if to hit the emergency eject button on a miserable time period in my life or a seemingly doomed relationship/engagement leading to never ending up married but just being engaged and trapped like a rat for an undisclosed amount of time. i did it on purpose...all of it. to say it wasnt well planned out enough was an understatement. i arrived home, late as always, to find all of my girlfriend/ROOMATE/other name on the lease's belongings and car nowhere to be found. after a stop at my parents house with no success i headed to the one hotel i knew she was aware of because she and i had stayed there on two separate previous occasions...finding her looking to tell the truth....possibly break up somewhat amicable but out of sheer concern (i might be a asshole, but im not the monster some might try to make me out to be ) and outright curiosity, wondering what her plans were on her own now? she was mad because i sent her sister an unacceptable myspace message that no almost married man or person in a working loving relationship would send...because she had no shirt on in a picture and i, once again, saw it as a ticket out of going nowheresvile.
how do i know? the one thing...2 things, she told me would be an all out deal breaker/relationship ender...would be if i EVER hit her or laid my hands on her...and the second being, hitting on or fucking her sister.
can you see now what i was attempting to do or conjure up in my mile a minute mad scientist evil scheme?
it seemed like a winner...though i hadnt anticipated it getting to the point of me hitting her, there was an incident months before where i almost did. knowing what i knew...i felt trapped and backed into a corner and like they say, desperate times called for desperate measures. there was a struggle and she fell and hit her head. but i never hit her. i felt myself losing control when i put my hands around her neck and almost brought myself to strangle the life out of her. but i didnt. i could have. like i said. im not a monster. its shameful to admit it ever got to that point. i was out of work and in a strange new world and did not know what the fuck i was doing ( alot has changed. at least im in familiar territory) but what can i say? it fucking happened. not proud of it. but cannot deny it. most people i've ever told the story of know this much info. anywho...i digress.
that relationship in no way was going to last, or function on any level with as much resentment towards one another we felt for various reasons and the lack of trust and eventual downfall of any communication. a recipe for disaster with the occasional distraction during times of happiness masking the serious problems arising through it all. when you turn a blind eye and suppress any feelings of illwill,danger, resentment, eventually they rise to the surface and find a way to eat at you and ultimately consume you. dont i sound smart like Dr Phil like i got it all figured it out now? no, but you can say i have had the chance to dwell on it and think things over through the years. wasnt there a point to this? oh yeah, that the girls mother secretly thought so little of me, not all the time i imagine...but for the most part, thought i had all the potential in the world to be just like the man she left years for his best friend....because he threw her down a flight of stairs. thats good to know i was held up such high esteem and in such good company. she did write me an email, as any protective mother would out of concern for her offspring, protecting one while neglecting others (a hopeless case will do what a hopeless case will do...get knocked up) i had no choice but to be what this woman predicted me to be. it was far too hard living in the shadows of abusers and to be thought so little of. that rather than outshine and rise above, i just hot rock bottom and went to jail for that girl. thats what happened. the things you do for love. not quite. but in losing her, it opened my eyes about myself, love, mistakes, manipulation,and being more careful in choosing potential partners. thats not to say i was in danger...but i need to be more careful who i subject myself. poor innocent unsuspecting girls not prone to confrontation and not raised to beleive in violence need not apply. i need a bitch who beat the shit out of me back and teach me a fucking lesson the hard way. not cower in retreat and sell out the man she claimed to love to police. we both conspired. myself in finding a way out, and her with her mother in making me become violent and pushed over the edge. why, if i wanted her gone so badly did i care enough to see where she was that night? couldnt i have just sucked it up and let her be on her merry way tra la la...never to be seen or heard from again. the world may never know. like i said. the things you do for love. much like life, is a bitch. and i will die alone. because i should.
oh yeah...random stranger. email.
here it is
------------------------------------------------------------------------
call it boredom but i always welcome the chance for polite (no name calling ) friendly debate for the sake of conversation. and this is a topic that strikes quite the chord with my overanalyzing mind of mine.
women who continue to hold resentment towards ALL men because of one man who now becomes an overall represenative of all men the world over...need either psychiatric treatment (you need someone to talk to about overcoming that unfortunate setback in your young life)
not to mention, you speak of the few women in this country (i cant speak for the others i have yet to live amongst) who actually enjoy the idea of being treated like sluts, or objects or the new one i commonly hear women use is to " be treated like a princess"
what the hell would any woman know about being treated like a princess? what from that bastion of wholesome quality family entertainment Sir Walt Disney? that must be it...because men today seem to be bombarded by this notion that chivalry is long dead, and high school sweethearts are a thing of the past, and romanticism is ancient and extinct. add to that, this new generation of "wanting to be waited on hand and foot" women who EXPECT to be treated with truth,dignity and respect (understandably) WHILE ALSO having their man pay their way through life...clothes,meals,movies.
it used to be an act of kindness or courtesy. now to be expected? its all around perplexing to me and most other men to say the very least. that anyone, man, woman,or child gets the same amount of respect flat out...sight unseen. i only respect what i know. and ive often been told to treat people with respect and kindness...but heres where it gets confusing.
respect is not to be given, its to be earned. so if i dont know you or trust you upon meeting, and you should know better than anyone NOT to trust a stranger immediately, that trust, much like respect, is to be EARNED as well. too many gullible females walking around assuming they are being presented any danger or that they have any reason not to trust or respect a man.
men, for the record, get little or to no respect at all
you prove it yourself in your reluctance to accept any man into you life because you were accosted by a married neighbor when you were 17. if you are 2 decaded older than me...that means you have been harboring this ill will towards this one man for over 3 decades now. time to forgive and forget?
not being so crass as to say "let it go" but when will event not hold such significance as it did to you years ago.
we both have a lot of work to do...with our trust issues and such. i hate people my own age. hate is such a strong world. strongly dislike girls my own age, think even less of men my own age, because of the lack of kindness....not respect, that they all show. plus the lack of basic communication skills, so many 26 year olds i know...some actually college grads ( i am not mind you) who cannot grasp basic spelling,grammar,typing,choose not to follow current events aside from sports (not applicable in my opinion) and once out of college return to the comfortable world they know of working dead end jobs, living with mom and dad, and frequenting the bar scene each and every weekend
is this the best my generation can do? there are a few standout...but rare is such an occasion i meet one of these glimmering shining beacons of hope. for the sole reason Obama speaks better than Bush or McCain, not to mention he is of a different ethnic group than old caucasian men we have grown more than accustomed to for 200+years, i hope we see a black president in my lifetime.
it scares people he is so young and relatively inexperienced...it doesn't concern me at all what his middle name or last name might be. Don't people realize that right now what we could use more than anything is someone with more than just a basic understanding of Muslim culture and a faith outside standard American Christianity. To make things more appealing, he is actually a Christian himself.
But you never hear those things. Just that Hillary's not the right woman ( i would like to see a woman president as well...just not her! if your last name is Bush or Clinton, you should politely step aside as your families have had their chance and made their mark in not the most positive of ways)
pardon my off topic rant. i am desperately trying to attempt to prove i have somewhat of an idea of what i am talking about, and not some young punk grasping at trying to figure it all out somehow.
i dont have all the answers, but i dont have an opinion. which is more than even most people my age can begin to entertain the thought of having.
me? if i have to be alone until i can bring myself to treat women with the respect they prove to me they deserve and i can learn to trust a woman not to run around and cheat on me with my friends, her friends, be it male or female (somewhat alarming to me the amount of women who are open ,now more than ever, to experimenting with those of the same sex as them. being Bi now means getting to have it all...at any cost. including a monogomous relationship. every one is after threesomes and disgusting sickening displays of this anti-traditional sense of love. more is better is this day and age, the more the merrier...three's company...i hope it's just a trend or that of a sad statement as to how little women know what it is they want anymore exactly. man? woman? both? cant find a good man, find a good woman. and vice versa. at least men are honest and forthcoming about what it is they want...sex. sorry to be so shockingly upfront about it. it's what interests us. for now. we dont all accost the neighbor next door sunbating in her bikini...we can think about it all day. the difference in anything is fantasy and reality. i find fantasy land usually all the more satisfying leaving less room for disappoinment or TROUBLE. i hope you didnt choose to remain silent out of fear and contacted someone as to what that man did to you. tell his wife, your parents, the police...if not. i wont say you're to blame...but if you are not part of the solution....you know the rest
i got caught up in skimming through the desolate wasteland of the people time forgot, known as "Craigs List Tampa Bay" rather than risk getting kicked off community message boards or chat rooms which i have frequented since first discovering them in the early days of screen name Phil Theanus (banned after being reported for such a highly offensive name) on AOL ,make the mistake of confusing for Blue Man fans as rational human beings with a sense of humor and internal thought process consisting of anything more than " CMP can do do wrong and i am mindless lemming who shall follow whatever my shepard has set forth for me to do or say without question or hesitation..for Wink is Lord and Blue Man sheep all are we" rah rah yadda yadda blah blah flibbity flobbity floo
this is what i found myself writing in response claiming men today have no respect for women, when she herself said some women WANT or like to be treated like sluts...but not all...and this leads me to be reminded of Dave Chappelle once saying "all women are not sluts...some just wear a sluts uniform" Just because i dress this way,does NOT make her a slut ...and to us men, that shit is just confusing.
i should have mentioned how i was regarded and almost expected to be a womanizing abuser when i met "my ex" ( dontcha just love referring to them without mention of names...as if they existed but now are not important enough or mean as much as to display their name for all to see,to those who might somehow NOT know) so rather not strive to not become one, in the end i just became what i was expected to be since it was an easy way out (minus the going to jail) yes i can more comfortably, though not proudly, proclaim in admittance that when i hit my girlfriend and went to jail...it was not an act of blind uncontrollable rage but a desperate albelit blatantly DELIBERATE act...as if to hit the emergency eject button on a miserable time period in my life or a seemingly doomed relationship/engagement leading to never ending up married but just being engaged and trapped like a rat for an undisclosed amount of time. i did it on purpose...all of it. to say it wasnt well planned out enough was an understatement. i arrived home, late as always, to find all of my girlfriend/ROOMATE/other name on the lease's belongings and car nowhere to be found. after a stop at my parents house with no success i headed to the one hotel i knew she was aware of because she and i had stayed there on two separate previous occasions...finding her looking to tell the truth....possibly break up somewhat amicable but out of sheer concern (i might be a asshole, but im not the monster some might try to make me out to be ) and outright curiosity, wondering what her plans were on her own now? she was mad because i sent her sister an unacceptable myspace message that no almost married man or person in a working loving relationship would send...because she had no shirt on in a picture and i, once again, saw it as a ticket out of going nowheresvile.
how do i know? the one thing...2 things, she told me would be an all out deal breaker/relationship ender...would be if i EVER hit her or laid my hands on her...and the second being, hitting on or fucking her sister.
can you see now what i was attempting to do or conjure up in my mile a minute mad scientist evil scheme?
it seemed like a winner...though i hadnt anticipated it getting to the point of me hitting her, there was an incident months before where i almost did. knowing what i knew...i felt trapped and backed into a corner and like they say, desperate times called for desperate measures. there was a struggle and she fell and hit her head. but i never hit her. i felt myself losing control when i put my hands around her neck and almost brought myself to strangle the life out of her. but i didnt. i could have. like i said. im not a monster. its shameful to admit it ever got to that point. i was out of work and in a strange new world and did not know what the fuck i was doing ( alot has changed. at least im in familiar territory) but what can i say? it fucking happened. not proud of it. but cannot deny it. most people i've ever told the story of know this much info. anywho...i digress.
that relationship in no way was going to last, or function on any level with as much resentment towards one another we felt for various reasons and the lack of trust and eventual downfall of any communication. a recipe for disaster with the occasional distraction during times of happiness masking the serious problems arising through it all. when you turn a blind eye and suppress any feelings of illwill,danger, resentment, eventually they rise to the surface and find a way to eat at you and ultimately consume you. dont i sound smart like Dr Phil like i got it all figured it out now? no, but you can say i have had the chance to dwell on it and think things over through the years. wasnt there a point to this? oh yeah, that the girls mother secretly thought so little of me, not all the time i imagine...but for the most part, thought i had all the potential in the world to be just like the man she left years for his best friend....because he threw her down a flight of stairs. thats good to know i was held up such high esteem and in such good company. she did write me an email, as any protective mother would out of concern for her offspring, protecting one while neglecting others (a hopeless case will do what a hopeless case will do...get knocked up) i had no choice but to be what this woman predicted me to be. it was far too hard living in the shadows of abusers and to be thought so little of. that rather than outshine and rise above, i just hot rock bottom and went to jail for that girl. thats what happened. the things you do for love. not quite. but in losing her, it opened my eyes about myself, love, mistakes, manipulation,and being more careful in choosing potential partners. thats not to say i was in danger...but i need to be more careful who i subject myself. poor innocent unsuspecting girls not prone to confrontation and not raised to beleive in violence need not apply. i need a bitch who beat the shit out of me back and teach me a fucking lesson the hard way. not cower in retreat and sell out the man she claimed to love to police. we both conspired. myself in finding a way out, and her with her mother in making me become violent and pushed over the edge. why, if i wanted her gone so badly did i care enough to see where she was that night? couldnt i have just sucked it up and let her be on her merry way tra la la...never to be seen or heard from again. the world may never know. like i said. the things you do for love. much like life, is a bitch. and i will die alone. because i should.
oh yeah...random stranger. email.
here it is
------------------------------------------------------------------------
call it boredom but i always welcome the chance for polite (no name calling ) friendly debate for the sake of conversation. and this is a topic that strikes quite the chord with my overanalyzing mind of mine.
women who continue to hold resentment towards ALL men because of one man who now becomes an overall represenative of all men the world over...need either psychiatric treatment (you need someone to talk to about overcoming that unfortunate setback in your young life)
not to mention, you speak of the few women in this country (i cant speak for the others i have yet to live amongst) who actually enjoy the idea of being treated like sluts, or objects or the new one i commonly hear women use is to " be treated like a princess"
what the hell would any woman know about being treated like a princess? what from that bastion of wholesome quality family entertainment Sir Walt Disney? that must be it...because men today seem to be bombarded by this notion that chivalry is long dead, and high school sweethearts are a thing of the past, and romanticism is ancient and extinct. add to that, this new generation of "wanting to be waited on hand and foot" women who EXPECT to be treated with truth,dignity and respect (understandably) WHILE ALSO having their man pay their way through life...clothes,meals,movies.
it used to be an act of kindness or courtesy. now to be expected? its all around perplexing to me and most other men to say the very least. that anyone, man, woman,or child gets the same amount of respect flat out...sight unseen. i only respect what i know. and ive often been told to treat people with respect and kindness...but heres where it gets confusing.
respect is not to be given, its to be earned. so if i dont know you or trust you upon meeting, and you should know better than anyone NOT to trust a stranger immediately, that trust, much like respect, is to be EARNED as well. too many gullible females walking around assuming they are being presented any danger or that they have any reason not to trust or respect a man.
men, for the record, get little or to no respect at all
you prove it yourself in your reluctance to accept any man into you life because you were accosted by a married neighbor when you were 17. if you are 2 decaded older than me...that means you have been harboring this ill will towards this one man for over 3 decades now. time to forgive and forget?
not being so crass as to say "let it go" but when will event not hold such significance as it did to you years ago.
we both have a lot of work to do...with our trust issues and such. i hate people my own age. hate is such a strong world. strongly dislike girls my own age, think even less of men my own age, because of the lack of kindness....not respect, that they all show. plus the lack of basic communication skills, so many 26 year olds i know...some actually college grads ( i am not mind you) who cannot grasp basic spelling,grammar,typing,choose not to follow current events aside from sports (not applicable in my opinion) and once out of college return to the comfortable world they know of working dead end jobs, living with mom and dad, and frequenting the bar scene each and every weekend
is this the best my generation can do? there are a few standout...but rare is such an occasion i meet one of these glimmering shining beacons of hope. for the sole reason Obama speaks better than Bush or McCain, not to mention he is of a different ethnic group than old caucasian men we have grown more than accustomed to for 200+years, i hope we see a black president in my lifetime.
it scares people he is so young and relatively inexperienced...it doesn't concern me at all what his middle name or last name might be. Don't people realize that right now what we could use more than anything is someone with more than just a basic understanding of Muslim culture and a faith outside standard American Christianity. To make things more appealing, he is actually a Christian himself.
But you never hear those things. Just that Hillary's not the right woman ( i would like to see a woman president as well...just not her! if your last name is Bush or Clinton, you should politely step aside as your families have had their chance and made their mark in not the most positive of ways)
pardon my off topic rant. i am desperately trying to attempt to prove i have somewhat of an idea of what i am talking about, and not some young punk grasping at trying to figure it all out somehow.
i dont have all the answers, but i dont have an opinion. which is more than even most people my age can begin to entertain the thought of having.
me? if i have to be alone until i can bring myself to treat women with the respect they prove to me they deserve and i can learn to trust a woman not to run around and cheat on me with my friends, her friends, be it male or female (somewhat alarming to me the amount of women who are open ,now more than ever, to experimenting with those of the same sex as them. being Bi now means getting to have it all...at any cost. including a monogomous relationship. every one is after threesomes and disgusting sickening displays of this anti-traditional sense of love. more is better is this day and age, the more the merrier...three's company...i hope it's just a trend or that of a sad statement as to how little women know what it is they want anymore exactly. man? woman? both? cant find a good man, find a good woman. and vice versa. at least men are honest and forthcoming about what it is they want...sex. sorry to be so shockingly upfront about it. it's what interests us. for now. we dont all accost the neighbor next door sunbating in her bikini...we can think about it all day. the difference in anything is fantasy and reality. i find fantasy land usually all the more satisfying leaving less room for disappoinment or TROUBLE. i hope you didnt choose to remain silent out of fear and contacted someone as to what that man did to you. tell his wife, your parents, the police...if not. i wont say you're to blame...but if you are not part of the solution....you know the rest