New Jerseyites, repent!
I recently received this post in my bulletin. As per my general tendencies to insult New Jersey, I feel it would be against my nature to let this one go. Here is the forward:
I am from NJ.
I curse... a lot. I say "yo", and I say it often. I sure as hell don't pump my own gas. I know what real pizza tastes like, and I know that a bagel is much more than a fuckin' roll with a hole in the middle. I judge people by what exit they get off the parkway. I can navigate a circle--with attitude. All good nights must end at a diner--preferably with cheese fries. Two words... "mother fucker." I don't go down the shore, I go to the boardwalk. Yes, I drink cawfee. I know that 65mph really means 80. I've always lived within 10 minutes of a mall. When someone cuts me off, they get the horn AND the finger. And they expect it. I am from New Jersey, and damn proud of it.
If your proud to live in NJ repost this bulletin. Who's fuckin proud?
Hokay. After reading this, I am thoroughly convinced that New Jersey is going straight to hell. Why, do you ask? No, it is not simply due to the swearing...this forward has displayed New Jersey's affliction of the 7 Deadly Sins. Allow me to elaborate.
1. Pride: This is a forward displaying pride. Also, the comment about judging people. "I know what real pizza tastes like." You'll find better pizza in New York.
2. Envy: When someone cuts me off...meaning they are frustrated with the fact that this car just got in front of me, and are in turn jealous of their new position on the road.
3. Gluttony: Where do I begin? Cursing alot. Eating Cheese Fries at the end of every night? Forget the holy water, this state needs slim fast.
4. Lust. "motherfucker" so now the state has the Oedipus Complex. For shame.
5. Anger: I think that speaks for itself. You see, New Jerseyites actually realize that the only thing they have to offer the rest of the world is Wildwood and Atlantic City...and Wildwood can't even fix their freaking Tram cars. Since they realize this, they lash out at all those who have it better than them...except for Cherry Hill, they just need a good beating. Word up, Camden.
6. Greed: So the beach is not good enough...you need to throw some wooden planks and an amusement park there too? Give me a break. Also, Atlantic City CERTAINLY fits here. And the whole gas pumping deal...do you all realize that it is only NJ and Oregon that has such a law? OBVIOUSLY you citizens have some sort of unnatural greed for gas, and the theft has been so bad that they have to pay some guy minimum wage to squeeze a trigger all day.
7. Sloth: Tram cars. Is that boardwalk REALLY so long that you have to hop onto those death machines?! Also, New Jersey was the first place I ever saw those standing scooter things that look straight out of the Jetsons...and you don't get any lazier than that.
So I am calling out to all of you lost souls feigning pride in New Jersey...repent! But don't move to Pennsylvania...we don't want you.
I am from NJ.
I curse... a lot. I say "yo", and I say it often. I sure as hell don't pump my own gas. I know what real pizza tastes like, and I know that a bagel is much more than a fuckin' roll with a hole in the middle. I judge people by what exit they get off the parkway. I can navigate a circle--with attitude. All good nights must end at a diner--preferably with cheese fries. Two words... "mother fucker." I don't go down the shore, I go to the boardwalk. Yes, I drink cawfee. I know that 65mph really means 80. I've always lived within 10 minutes of a mall. When someone cuts me off, they get the horn AND the finger. And they expect it. I am from New Jersey, and damn proud of it.
If your proud to live in NJ repost this bulletin. Who's fuckin proud?
Hokay. After reading this, I am thoroughly convinced that New Jersey is going straight to hell. Why, do you ask? No, it is not simply due to the swearing...this forward has displayed New Jersey's affliction of the 7 Deadly Sins. Allow me to elaborate.
1. Pride: This is a forward displaying pride. Also, the comment about judging people. "I know what real pizza tastes like." You'll find better pizza in New York.
2. Envy: When someone cuts me off...meaning they are frustrated with the fact that this car just got in front of me, and are in turn jealous of their new position on the road.
3. Gluttony: Where do I begin? Cursing alot. Eating Cheese Fries at the end of every night? Forget the holy water, this state needs slim fast.
4. Lust. "motherfucker" so now the state has the Oedipus Complex. For shame.
5. Anger: I think that speaks for itself. You see, New Jerseyites actually realize that the only thing they have to offer the rest of the world is Wildwood and Atlantic City...and Wildwood can't even fix their freaking Tram cars. Since they realize this, they lash out at all those who have it better than them...except for Cherry Hill, they just need a good beating. Word up, Camden.
6. Greed: So the beach is not good enough...you need to throw some wooden planks and an amusement park there too? Give me a break. Also, Atlantic City CERTAINLY fits here. And the whole gas pumping deal...do you all realize that it is only NJ and Oregon that has such a law? OBVIOUSLY you citizens have some sort of unnatural greed for gas, and the theft has been so bad that they have to pay some guy minimum wage to squeeze a trigger all day.
7. Sloth: Tram cars. Is that boardwalk REALLY so long that you have to hop onto those death machines?! Also, New Jersey was the first place I ever saw those standing scooter things that look straight out of the Jetsons...and you don't get any lazier than that.
So I am calling out to all of you lost souls feigning pride in New Jersey...repent! But don't move to Pennsylvania...we don't want you.