(no subject)
I found myself in unfamiliar territory this weekend. I've worked really hard to learn how to control my feelings to avoid getting angry. This weekend though made me realize I still have some aspects of my personality I need to tweak. I need to learn how to not let impulsive behavior get the best of me in high-anxiety situations, or when I feel threatened in some way. I've learned how to not let my emotions cloud my judgement when I have time to reflect upon the situation. So, I just need to figure out how to insert some sort of interrupt trigger that allows me to know what to do & how to do it in those types of situations. That type of impulsivity always leaves me feeling really crappy, and dirty. The worst part about this weekend was loosing control of that impulsivity in front of Cindi. I still feel like the feelings aren't reconciled (at least, not within me). ugh, I like making myself a better person, but I sure wish it didn't require me feeling crappy. Here's hoping this lesson doesn't ruin an otherwise good relationship.