You're no longer laughing, I'm not drowning fast enough...

[mustybuckets]

So, it's that time of the year again. Well, the end of the year. It's almost depressing, but someone thought of a way to take all this hate for the time wasted, and use it to make resolutions for the new years. So what are you going to do about it? Going to lose weight? A popular choice for us Americans, unfortunately as I've mentioned before stereotypes only exist because a majority of the time they are true; America as a whole is fat. What about spending more time with a favorite hobby, or with a loved one, or making a garden.

Fuck them.

Let's make real new years resolutions. Here, I'll give you my list as an example. As you may note, there are sometimes two versions of resolutions, the one I'd really like to do, then the one that is acceptable.

1) DO NOT GET PENIS CAUGHT IN FLY
2) DO NOT DIE
3) DO NOT GO TO PRISON - Only go to prison for less than a week
4) BRING DEATH TO THE INFIDELS
5) BRING DEATH TO THE UNFIDELS
6) BRING DEATH TO THE FIDELS
7) BRING POTATO SALAD TO THE FUNERAL OF ALL THE FIDELS AND NONFIDELS
8) TRY NOT TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE - Make more graves before I kill more people
9) THINK OF A HUMOROUS NUMBER 10 SO PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE FUNNY
10) MAKE LOVE NOT WAR... REPEATEDLY IN VARIOUS POSITIONS

In short, your new years resolutions suck, and I rock. The end.