Go Your Own Way.
"Why I don't keep a regular, serious journal"
By Peter
It may be easy to see that I do not keep a regular journal. If you haven't noticed, and you have been reading for a while, I am ashamed to know you. If you haven't noticed, but are new to this journal, I'll clue you in. Most topic titles are titles or lyrics from music. Such as this topic title, Go Your Own Way, referring to the classic rock song with that title by Fleetwood Mac. Also, most topics I bring up are half truths, or even more likely, complete works of fiction. For instance, I did not recently marry a wolverine. That was a lie. In fact, I did not marry anyone. I did not see the Pope, I did not plan a prison break of any kind (although I am going to), and Condoleeza Rice was never found in women's clothing. Also, most of the funny material that I have here, I've stolen, without crediting the authors. I won't go into details, but suffice to say all but five jokes have been taken from elsewhere, and my brother has helped me with three of the original ones.
With that said, I still have yet to hit on the topic at hand, that is the reason I don't keep a regularly timed, serious journal. Well, I think it might stem from being abandoned at birth. This may shock many of the people who know me, but I was... No. that is a lie. The time for lies is over, and the truth should come out. The truth is... I am not of this world. I come from a planet in the Kreptor Galaxy, which is 236 light years away. Our sun was lit 127 light years ago, thus is the reason that Earth has not observed it. My planet, Zarthenon, was a wonderful place, and was full of peace loving Zarthenonions. Having no use for war, we had no weapons, and blindly assumed that other cultures from the other planets would behave in the same manner. We were wrong.
For a time, things went well, but we never expected Space Hitler to come. He enslaved my people, and gave us the Zartenon version of your livejournal. He forced us to complete one serious entry a week. Somewhere along the lines I escaped, came to earth, missed my journal, but hated it, and became a sporadic non informational livejournal user.
OR
The Truth is... I am really a black tar heroin addict. Not by choice, but by profession. It really pays well, but I'm never really sure how. One day I woke up in a hotel tub full of ice, missing a kidney, and having 400 bucks in my pocket. Seems like a good deal to me.
OR
The truth is... another lie. I can't stop lying. I could bore you with facts from my daily life, and then alter the events to make it sound like I lead an interesting, great life, when in reality I just am trying to compete with everyone else I know. They make life sound so great, and I think something is wrong with mine, so I need to compete.
OR
The truth is... I don't like you. So I lie to you. All the time. You know that night I said I was busy? I wasn't. I just didn't want to spend anytime with you.
OR
The truth is... I lead a double life. Millionaire playboy by day, eccentric superhero by night, hungry man by 12:30 PM. My genes were altered in a nuclear radiation accident, and now I have evolved, so to speak. I hang out with other superheroes. They aren't so great, to be honest. Superman has a drinking problem and beats women, Wonder woman is a 50 dollar whore, The Green Lantern is addicted to Meth, Batman has an unhealthy interest in children, Aquaman is hooked on the slot machines, and The Flash, who kills any woman that makes a joke about his sexual abilities. If I told about my life, I would endanger everyone who has ever read this, but now that I just don't care about any one of you, I have let the truth out.
There are times I can't decide what life to lead, and things seem easier to give everyone options. Have fun.
By Peter
It may be easy to see that I do not keep a regular journal. If you haven't noticed, and you have been reading for a while, I am ashamed to know you. If you haven't noticed, but are new to this journal, I'll clue you in. Most topic titles are titles or lyrics from music. Such as this topic title, Go Your Own Way, referring to the classic rock song with that title by Fleetwood Mac. Also, most topics I bring up are half truths, or even more likely, complete works of fiction. For instance, I did not recently marry a wolverine. That was a lie. In fact, I did not marry anyone. I did not see the Pope, I did not plan a prison break of any kind (although I am going to), and Condoleeza Rice was never found in women's clothing. Also, most of the funny material that I have here, I've stolen, without crediting the authors. I won't go into details, but suffice to say all but five jokes have been taken from elsewhere, and my brother has helped me with three of the original ones.
With that said, I still have yet to hit on the topic at hand, that is the reason I don't keep a regularly timed, serious journal. Well, I think it might stem from being abandoned at birth. This may shock many of the people who know me, but I was... No. that is a lie. The time for lies is over, and the truth should come out. The truth is... I am not of this world. I come from a planet in the Kreptor Galaxy, which is 236 light years away. Our sun was lit 127 light years ago, thus is the reason that Earth has not observed it. My planet, Zarthenon, was a wonderful place, and was full of peace loving Zarthenonions. Having no use for war, we had no weapons, and blindly assumed that other cultures from the other planets would behave in the same manner. We were wrong.
For a time, things went well, but we never expected Space Hitler to come. He enslaved my people, and gave us the Zartenon version of your livejournal. He forced us to complete one serious entry a week. Somewhere along the lines I escaped, came to earth, missed my journal, but hated it, and became a sporadic non informational livejournal user.
OR
The Truth is... I am really a black tar heroin addict. Not by choice, but by profession. It really pays well, but I'm never really sure how. One day I woke up in a hotel tub full of ice, missing a kidney, and having 400 bucks in my pocket. Seems like a good deal to me.
OR
The truth is... another lie. I can't stop lying. I could bore you with facts from my daily life, and then alter the events to make it sound like I lead an interesting, great life, when in reality I just am trying to compete with everyone else I know. They make life sound so great, and I think something is wrong with mine, so I need to compete.
OR
The truth is... I don't like you. So I lie to you. All the time. You know that night I said I was busy? I wasn't. I just didn't want to spend anytime with you.
OR
The truth is... I lead a double life. Millionaire playboy by day, eccentric superhero by night, hungry man by 12:30 PM. My genes were altered in a nuclear radiation accident, and now I have evolved, so to speak. I hang out with other superheroes. They aren't so great, to be honest. Superman has a drinking problem and beats women, Wonder woman is a 50 dollar whore, The Green Lantern is addicted to Meth, Batman has an unhealthy interest in children, Aquaman is hooked on the slot machines, and The Flash, who kills any woman that makes a joke about his sexual abilities. If I told about my life, I would endanger everyone who has ever read this, but now that I just don't care about any one of you, I have let the truth out.
There are times I can't decide what life to lead, and things seem easier to give everyone options. Have fun.